First time sharing this...

Hi! I read your text a few times, and wanted to leave a comment. Only... I don’t know so much helpful things to say. I can relate to a lot of things you said, like having a low self-esteem, a poor social life, the mental zoning out while picking... Yet I think my problem is not quite as serious as yours. It also sounds like you have been through a lot (I sincerely hope that your mother is healthy again). The only advise I can give you is to go to a therapist, because this self-damaging problem we suffer from has not really anything to do with our skin, but with something in our head. I went to a psychologist this year, and although the picking didn’t stop after the last session, I learned a lot about myself, why I do it, and how I should quit. And in my case (I am very uncertain, obsessed about the way I look, and don’t remember ever being happy with it) that is finding another way to think about myself. I wish I could explain this better, it’s hard to talk about a subject that stands so close to me in a language that isn’t my own (my first language is Dutch). To turn the ‘self image’-switch in my head is a very difficult thing to do, but slowly I’m beginning to see things in a different way. I really think it would help you too! And for now maybe you could join some of us in a 'don't pick'-challenge. I for example just started a 30 days challenge, that's the long one :). That would more or less match your graduation date isn’t it? You should know: it takes skin about 3 weeks to renew itself, so it’s definitely possible to look better by then. I wish you a lot of good luck, courage and strength. Mary

Wow. Okay, my turn. If that's all right? This will actually be my second time telling about this. The first was earlier today when a girl from my college who I vaguely knew posted a note on facebook about overcoming her trichotillomania - which kind of threw in my face that what I have is not just some weird icky habit, this is a real problem with a name that is shared by other people, and that can be overcome. No, that needs to be overcome. I can live with a habit, but not a disorder. And that's what it is. I guess part of the reason I didn't take my skin-picking seriously is that I've done it ever since I can remember, almost. The dermatologist put it down to dry skin, and prescribed some kind of lotion that did nothing. Especially after I hit puberty, and the acne hit. I loved the acne. It made it all so much easier. It also made me feel somewhat justified at cleaning out my pores, instead of tearing at my skin. Even though I still did that too. The weather is starting to get warmer, and I'm starting to wear t-shirts. Today my uncle made a comment about the "bug bites" on my arms. Cue flashback sequence. I try to keep my picking areas under my clothes, but sometimes they creep out. And I've been asked about my "bug bites" since forever. I remember when I was about seven and my mom made me take swimming lessons, the swim coach was afraid I had chicken pox. That was humilating. But I will not have that happen again! So since we're in the same boat here, I can't offer any good tips. But you are not alone, and you CAN find the strength to overcome this. So will I. Personally, I am going to 1) start coutning how many times I pick per day, and see if I can get that number to decrease over time, and 2) make sure I always have an object to fidget with to see if I can redirect my habits. Try covering up your mirror. I haven't looked at my reflection in ages, though that is because I (coincidentally) am also half-Asian, and about five feet tall, and currently studying in Germany, where people are giants. Thus the mirror in my room is placed so that I can only see about half my face if I stand on tiptoe. I still pick at my face sometimes, but not with as much dedication and concentration. And since you're at college, if only for another month, try making use of the free counselling services. Even though they're probably busy this close to finals. But it won't hurt to try. I myself am planning to check out the counselling services here sometime soon, even though I'm in Germany, just because I've had a lot of stress building up since last semester (honestly, it was kind of a soap opera, but those things really suck to actually be in) and the fact that I'm freaking out because I feel like I haven't done anything productive my whole time in this country, and I'm leaving in a little over a month. This was supposed to be the time of my life, and I don't think I've ever been so miserable for so long. So I totally get the regret. Anyway. You. You have a goal. One month. Stick to it. Goals are good. Actually, you might want to make it even more concrete with something like "No picking for a month," or "No scabs in a month." I'm reminded of my friend who wants to be "thinner," and never gets anywhere with it because he is so focused on the result he loses track of the process. "Looking good" is an abstract concept. "Stop picking" is something you can actually do. Sorry for sounding like a self-help book. I hope my rambles are helpful to you, and I hope both of us can stop picking!

Thank you for both of these comments/stories/encouraging words. I am happy to say that my skin is doing better. I am picking less and feeling better about myself. I have gotten into a regular face washing routine that involves a very mild, oil-free, redness reducing nutragena face soap (pump, not a bar. I heard bars can still get bacteria on them so I switched over) followed by a dime size amount of st. ives apricot exfoliating wash. I love the exfoliant...I think the roughness on my face takes the place of picking, and since it is better than picking I love it even more. I do this twice a day and use an aveeno face lotion for babys....this is a GREAT find. It is non-fragrant, redness reducing, not at all oily, and leaves my face feeling, well, like a babys bottom! I highly recommend the exfoliant. Again, the roughness is very therapeutic and I think this is because I am used to being a little rough with my face. And I recommend the lotion! Anyway, graduation is in a 2 weeks so I am hoping that I can keep this up until than. At this point, I am 100% sure that this condition, at least for me, is all about stress and self esteem. Since classes have ended, I have been under much less stress which I think has helped a lot. I have been taking pepcid AC before drinking which helps control the redness so I have been going out and being more social. There has also been a particular guy (on and off again situation) that has made a few advances my way, which sounds scandalous but I'm only saying this because it boosted my self esteem to...how do I put this....I guess just to be wanted. I look at myself in the mirror these days and say, "Hey, at least you've attracted someone. You can do this. You ARE beautiful. Just think how much more you could be if you just stopped going at your face!!" So that is where I am! I thank you guys again for your kind words and bravery in sharing your stories. I hope that everyone can find some sort of hope with my own. Please remember that self esteem is key. LOVE yourself, no matter what, and stay positive. Seek help and don't be embarrassed about it. I was, so I found that telling my best best friend about it was a major help. She was someone who I trusted and it was nice to just vent to her. Good luck! I will write again soon...