Online Test

Find out the severity of your symptoms with this free online test

Hilary , 23 Apr 2011

Haven't Told My Boyfriend

How can I tell my boyfriend about my problem? I keep it pretty well concealed with a strict regimen of makeup application and constant reapplication. Yet, looking down at my legs just now I knew that I can't keep this a secret much longer. But how do I tell him without him thinking I'm crazy? We've been taking it VERY slow and been semi-dating for about a year now - but we're getting pretty close. I'm very emotionally demanding as it is. I'm just scared about how much more crazy this guy can take!! -> To make it worse, I feel so ugly. Not that he's a major hottie, but for some reason cute girls are always hitting on him. I can't help but compare their flawless skin with mine. I feel like the makeup is a lie and he would be disgusted with seeing me if I were to reveal my "true" self. Even my breasts, which are small and uneven in size, have splotchy, damaged skin (with sores that never seem to heal!!!). Sorry, I'm a little overwhelmed. Help?
2 Answers
April 23, 2011
I've had the same problem, but I never bothered to tell my boyfriend. I was upset about doing it one day and he kept asking what was wrong, so I just told him. I cried when I explained it and he didn't understand the disease. That was a little over a year ago, and he still doesn't understand, but he's supportive..... My best advice for you to is to take it slow- don't dump all of this information all at once on him. I would suggest maybe saying "I want to tell you something..." Before you say what it is, say how the subject is very serious and you trust him VERY much to tell him. This will make him feel honored that you're opening yourself up to him- make this event a positive one. If you see him listening and concerned, that's good I think. Then mention how a lot of people have this disease, and THEN say what it is- just very simply. Say, "I pick at my skin." Then he will probably have questions like, "Why? How? Why can't you just stop? How long? Where?" He might not ask anything, but I would consider these questions before you tell him. He might ask to see it on you, and it is TOTALLY up to you to show him. If you're uncomfortable, don't do it. If I could redo my moment of revealing, I would let my boyfriend consider the disease before seeing it for a few days..... Or- you can take a different route by emailing him or sending him to this site. I think this site is AMAZING for people to look at. Maybe you can look through the site together? Then you can explain your own personal stories as you go through the site..... Also, don't be surprised if he says, "I know you pick." My boyfriend did, but he never knew how serious it was. If your guy is observant, he probably already knows something is up..... Just make sure you're always comfortable with how you feel during this process. And as for the other girls with their perfect skin, I know how you feel. Just remember that your boyfriend is with you for many reasons, and your skin is only a fraction of who you are- so stay confident and proud of who you are. And good luck! :)
April 24, 2011
I’ve told my boyfriend a few months ago. We’ve been together for over four years now, so he already noticed that I hurt my skin sometimes (although of course I never did it in front of him). But before we never really had talked about it. When for example he made remarks like ‘I see you’ve been doing it again’ I always tried to change the subject as quickly as possible, out of embarrassment. He also already knew how extremely insecure I am about the way I look. That’s btw why I’ve also had, like you, some serious trouble with the girls around him or the ones who’ve been with him. I also keep comparing myself to them, which leads to a very miserable, depressing kind of jealousy. Well, here’s how I finally told him about the picking: we were walking, and just talking about all kinds of stuff, very relaxed. Then I brought the subject BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) up as an introduction :). I just read an article about it and could relate to some of the symptoms (like feeling yourself uglier then you are, obsessively checking in mirrors all day, hiding for people...). And then I told him that in that article I found the term ‘compulsive skin picking’ (this was true, it’s how I discovered a few weeks earlier that what I do has a name), and shortly explained what it was. And before I got to the ‘So I think that’s what I have’-part, he said ‘Oh, that could be what you have’ :). So he wasn’t shocked. It was a bit of a relief actually, because now we had an explanation for this inexplicable behavior. And I was glad I could tell him that other people suffer from this too. That made me feel a lot less crazy. Since then we’ve been open about it. The more or less casual way of telling him worked very well for me. Although the matter is serious, I didn’t want to make a heavy ‘there’s something I have to tell you’-moment of it, because I thought that would scare him (that sounds like you’re about to announce that you have some terrible deadly disease, or cheated on him or something...). I know I’m actually saying the opposite here of what caitlin90 advised you in the previous comment :). Of course, there’s not just one good way, it all depends... But one sure thing: it’s definitively a good decision to tell him. Good luck! Mary

Start your journey with SkinPick

Take control of your life and find freedom from skin picking through professional therapy and evidence-based behavioral techniques.

Start Now