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dropbydrop , 25 Apr 2011

So sick of this!10 day challenge-please join me??

Will we ever be free of this? Im at my wits end here today!! Have just had another major relapse and am so so angry and upset about it I could drive my hand thru the wall. Face is a bloody mess again!! I have been going for counselling for my skin picking every week for the last few months. I have spent hundreds of euro! Although it has been a great support and i was doing well enough for a few weeks only going at it every 3 days or so i feel that in the last 2 weeks I am pretty much back to where i started. Its just a constant cycle isnt it? I have lost count of the number of times I have told myself no more but every time without fail i relapse. Every single tiny pore on my face has been squeezed about 700 times at this stage i would say. I dont even get spots!! Its just those impurities way underneath that i can see. i cant leave them there, they have to come out...squeeze them out and watch almost in amazment, as the gunk snails itself out from deep in my skin, the more that comes out the better and then it almost justifies moving onto the next pore. And if nothing comes out well ill make damn sure the next one will have something! The visual and mental damage i am doing breaks my heart as i reckon otherwise i would be fairly good looking and confident. Im so tired of trying to stop and letting myself down. I have almost come to accept that i will never be entirely free of this, it will always be there. However, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy has taught me that at least i can have some control over it. Im not going to set myself a 30 day challenge cos its way too long and i have never gone more than 13 days. Im inclined to say 7 but im gonna push it to 10 days. How does that sound? For the next 10 days im going to FIGHT this so hard with every part of me. When the urge comes on im gonna kick and scream and cry if it helps to drag me away from that mirror. I will keep myself occupied in the evenings after work and i will do more exercise to help with my anxiety. I would really love if a few people could share their stories with me and join me on this 10 day challenge. The support i think will help us all. If we do manage it wouldnt it be great!!!! Its better than not trying isnt it?!! Come on join me and we'l fight this b***h together!! ps: a few little tips that have helped me....every time you pass or look in the mirror smile and say "i am beautifull the way i am" or "the urge is a lie, i will not be fooled".
34 Answers
startexas
April 29, 2011

In reply to by Yuuki

YUUKI- Dont give up! One bad spot is to be expected once in a while no matter what. My last breakout that reignited my skin picking problem was also hormone related and so frustrating. Have you looked into naturopathy for your pcos and hormone issues? They can be quite effective at relieving symptoms and helping the body to balance out. I was on the pill forever and decided to get off as well due to being 30 and being "crazy" :=) . Therapists can help but you need to find the right one for you otherwise they just dont get it and cant help much or undermine the problem---dermatillomania is very hard to understand, even by the people who have it. ____Sometimes, what helps when I have big nasty pimple coming is to bandage it. My derm (who luckily understands dermatillomania) always gives me a handful of those little round coverlet bandaids. When I but medicine and a bandaid over a spot, I am less likely to pick, and for some odd reason feel like I am doing MORE to kill the spot with the bandaid there--granted I dont like to go out this way :( . ANother thing I have found help when I have made a nasty hole, which a lot of people on the baord would probably say they have done too, so dont beat yourself up so badly about it, is Liquid Skin bandage stuff. I am not sure where you live but it is fairly common- it froms a clear invisible layer over the wound which stops stuff from getting in, seals the skins natural moisture to speed healing, and has potent antibiotic agents in the ingredients as well. Some brands contain clove oil, which is a great natural anitbacterial but some people are sensitive so test on a small spot on your inner arm and if sensitve get product with other ingredients. ______ You can also use this as an opportunity to analyze your possible triggers: was it just about the spot?--Do you think your "trigger" was anxiety about the visit? Shopping with your mother? I would rather be swallowed up by the earth :) than go shopping with my mother because she is so terribly critical.... DONT GIVE UP!! WE ARE ALLOWED TO MAKE MISTAKES!! YOU ARE STILL BEAUTIFUL!! ALLOW YOURSELF THE CHANCE TO BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY IN YOUR SELF-IMAGE!!! no more self-destruction, that is what this is, self destructive behavior.....we all deserve to be able to stop hurting ourselves physically and emotionally.
dropbydrop
April 28, 2011
So how is everyone doing? I have Day 3 done and im all clear. Have been so busy at work that it hasnt really been a major struggle. Bennn coming home really late every night so havnt had that idel time in the evenings to think about it. Hope ye are getting on well. Let me know. xx
sho1234
April 29, 2011
I havent done it for 3 weeks :-D. I usuali go out of control when i do 'maintenance' squeezing. But I think ive turned a corner. Its okay, if skins not perfect-as long as it isnt,red,marked and scarred. Im so fed up with that and fed up with hiding my face. I can make myself feel good with clothes, nice nails and nice hair. Im not thinking about skin every sec now-ive gone over it so many times. I cant control it. I feel veryy free now. Keep going u lot, u can do it. Its so worth it in the end.!
dropbydrop
May 02, 2011
So guys im not doing good at all. I relapsed twice. Once on Friday evening and again yesterday. They were both fairly bad sessions. About and hour for both so my face is a mess again and more importantly im feeling crap. I have a really hard job and work long hours so this wkend off was going to be a chill out time for me. I had made all sorts of plans to do stuff but feel so let down now cos i have ruined it for myself. Now i am back to work tomorrow and have to face another long week of it and work in close contact with my staff when my confidence is so down. its just a constant cycle!!! going to see my therapist this evening to talk things out, hopefully will feel better after. Im going to talk to her about mindfullness meditation, i think it would really help me cos my head is always racing. I often work myself in mental ruts and loose my awareness and then i think this is wen im more prone to going at my face. have any of ye tried it? its just i saw that post on the forum about the person who said practising it 40 mins a day has cured their dermatillomania. Oh also guys i went to the health shop the other day and got aloe vera gel and tea tree cream. i mix them together in a bowl and smear it on my face after a session and it has done wonders for the red mark and swelling. im not sure how this would be on large wounds on your face but for my type of picking where i go over all the tiny pores in my face and dont actually have scabs or wounds as such it is amazing. just leave pile it on and it in for about 2 hours. anyway guys im going to try again today. iv decided im going to try this mindfullness meditation twice a day and see does it help me. you can download guided ones on itunes or there are books on it too. how are ye all doing? how is your cheek looking now yuuki? and star texas how are you holding up? keep in touch. xxx
Yuuki
May 03, 2011

In reply to by dropbydrop

Hi drop!! How are you doing today? I felt very sad for you, when I read this post. I'm so sorry, I know how bad relapsing makes us feel. The anxiety, the shame, the guilt, the remorse... I think it might be one of the worst feelings in the world. :( But please, don't beat yourself up! You wrote you didn't even create any wound or scab, which is seriously amazing! I'm sure today your face is looking better already. Aloe vera and tea tree will be great for your picking, I've been using them for years with good results. Especially aloe gel, I smear it on my face every night and it always helps me tremendously. With that and meditation you'll be fine and confident in a few days, just keep trying and don't give up! The road to recovery is full of relapses, but eventually it will get better... it has to. I'm doing fine, thanks! My skin is almost fully healed. Tomorrow morning I'm going to gently scrub my face with a honey, yoghurt and baking soda paste: I'm pretty positive this will peel off all of my old scabs, which are now dry, have shrinked enormously and aren't red anymore. Hubby has promised to stay with me so I won't pick after. ;) So I know I'll look normal/good again in a day... I just hope this time I'll be able to keep away from my face, after. Even because I'll go back to Japan in a few weeks, and I really DON'T want to sport fresh wounds and a scabby face on my flight!! Take care everyone! XXX
startexas
May 05, 2011

In reply to by dropbydrop

Yuuki & Drop-- I have been doing okay. Been doing "maintenance" picking on occasion- which I have accepted I will always do sometimes -( and I guess to some point most people sorta do) but I was even mad that I did that. So I confessed it imediately to my husband crying angrily....Luckily I didnt do a lot of damage, but I am glad I made myself accountable right away and didnt run and hide and push everyone away from me. ****** Seeing that my skin is healing and looking healthier is SO exciting that I dont want to mess that up!! I have a family reunion to go to in July, so I have 2+ months to get my face looking better and 'presentable' . Most of these people I havent seen in ten or more years so I dont know how I will be judged- and the scariest thing about it all it that it is at the beach :( so hiding and spots the whole time will be even MORE anxiety producing and awkward. I almost want to cancel but I really dont have the option--FREAKING OUT BUT GIVES ME A GOAL!!!!! ****** Havent touched my 'body skin' which is really good! I want to wear shorts/skirts this summer and not bake in jeans and pants. **** Now to just heal my forehead (mostly discoloration/ not active spots) and keep my damn hands NOT to myself LOL!!!!! Anxiety and anger/frustration that leads to anxious behavior is a huge trigger--- anti-anxiety meds helping. Also taking daily N- Aceltylcystiene (sp?) a supplement found at health food stores that has been proven in studies to reduce picking urges and has really helped me. Still wont put mirror back up in bathroom--- not ready.
Yuuki
May 05, 2011

In reply to by startexas

Hey startexas! :) I'm so glad to read your skin is healing and looking better day by day. I perfectly understand when you talk about "maintenance picking", as I do the same!!! I think it's a pretty normal behaviour though, if it's an occasional thing. So don't beat yourself up: you're doing great! As long as you don't pick anything that isn't ready and you don't damage the skin it shouldn't be a problem. The real problem for us picker is managing to STOP and avoiding any damage, that's the real challenge. :/ I'm sure you'll look good for your family reunion in July, 2+ months are more than enough to heal completely. But please try not to think about it or it may trigger your anxiety (at least that's how it works for me). Don't think about how other people could judge you, because for perfectionist like us it's a terrifying thought and might lead to picking. Just think you're going to stop picking for YOURSELF, for your physical and mental health. I'm doing fine, my old scabs fell off and I'm very happy! Skin's looking healthier and I don't want to mess with it. Yesterday I picked a little bit but didn't break the skin, so today I look normal and pretty with a little mineral concealer and blush on. Hope I'll manage to keep it up this time!
Yuuki
May 08, 2011
Hey guys! How are things going? I'm doing great, finally free of scabs and feeling so much better! This is my day 5, though sometimes I'm still picking at small blemishes when I see they're ready (aka only if they have a VISIBLE and superficial whitehead on top). I just press gently with my fingertips and don't use any tool. I'm pretty proud of myself cause I have some teeny-tiny spots on my forehead which I'd have surely ripped off 1 week ago, leaving gaping holes. Instead this time I haven't picked at them! They have no whitehead and are almost invisible, I don't want to ruin my progress. Now I'm scared of breaking the skin, cause I still don't look good without makeup because of the red marks. :/ I know I made all of them and I feel so guilty! They make me sad, but I try to think they'll fade over time. I don't want to deal with read marks and scars anymore! I'm happy I look normal and pretty with some mineral concealer on, I hope I'll manage to keep it on. I'll let you know! Stay strong and have a happy sunday, everyone. XXX
dropbydrop
May 08, 2011
Yuuki and startexas, im so so glad that ye are doing so good. well done!! I havbt written for a while bcos to be honest i didnt want to jinx it. alot has happened. I feel like i have turned a corner and am on the road to recovery. Something twigged with me last week after my session with my counseller, i cudnt tell you what. Also i started on medication on Thursday which was a huge step for me. So basically i have been pick free (apart from about 5 tiny squeezes around the corners of my nose and chin) for 7 days!!! I actually cant believe it. i havnt really had much of an urge either which is so strange. it must be the medication kicking in i dont know. Im still not goin to let my guard down. had a little urge today and really had to fight it off. anyway im really tired and need to get some sleep. keep in touch guys and keep up the fight!!! Doesnt it feel so much better wen ur face isnt a mess!!!? I cant wait for my next night out wen my face will be clear and i can wear bare shoulders and back!!! vxxx
frustrated
May 08, 2011
We can do it! I am joining in on your 10 day challenge. This has got to stop, and I know I tell myself the same thing every day. Maybe if we write notes on our mirrors it will help us defeat this terrible urge. We will get through this.
anonymous31894
May 09, 2011
something new that i'm gonig to try is to pretend this is really easy to jsut stop. I think i psyche myself out like oh this is so hard i'll never do it but maybe if i tell myself i am just as normal as the next person who doesn't suffer from this horrible disease i'll be able to thoughtlessly quit. i'll keep you posted.
Yuuki
May 16, 2011
Hi girls! :) How are you doing? Drop, I'm so glad to read you're on medication and pick-free! It's great, how are you feeling? I'm fine, I haven't picked in 7 days, a record for me! Today I look pretty and I'm very happy. Sure, I still have red marks, but hopefully they'll fade with time. Yesterday hubby and I went back to Tokyo. It's been a very long flight and when we arrived our apartment seemed more like a crypt (we had left for 2 entire months because of the Fukushima nuclear plant risk), so even if we were super-tired we spent the whole day cleaning. Today we're just resting and playing videogames. :D So far I didn't have any urges and feel confident and relaxed, gotta keep my guard up though! I'm pretty scared of the future, even because we may have to move out in a month and that'll be quite stressful! :/ Oh well, we'll see... anyway it's useless to worry about it NOW. I'd rather enjoy my day and this spring in Japan. Take care everyone! XXX
dropbydrop
May 17, 2011

In reply to by Yuuki

hey yuuki, sorry i havnt written in ages. im so so glad to hear u are doing well. well done pet!! i hope u can keep it up. stay strong and keep the guard up all the time even wen u think u have turned a corner with all this. u seem alot brighter and happier in the last email! im not doing good at all. i went to something like 8 days and then it all went back to square one again last week and i have picked almost every day for the past 7 days. i dont understand it bcos i really thought it was different this time. im just after a really long session of it on my face, back and arms where i literally savaged my skin. i was like some one possessed. i just had to get it all out! so now im feeling way down again. im so tired of this. what have we done to deserve this life?! how easier my life wud be if i didnt have this problem. anyway as usual im dreading work tomorrow cos i look a state but i will pick myself back up and try again. keep in touch xxx

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