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frustrated , 08 May 2011

beginning to feel better

Up until 2 years ago I've had clear skin. The majority of my family has good skin as well. I'm awfully pale but also have a lot of freckles. Two years ago, due to stress over a job I started getting little white bumps. Now as time went on I realized those were just pimples. But I picked and picked at them until little holes formed. I became totally obsessed and it was all I could see in the mirror. Eventually after 3 months and horrible scabs, I was forced to go to see a dermatologist who informed me I had gotten staph. It was easy to hide the real reason for this happening because I worked in a resident home where old people get sick all the time. She prescribed me heavy antibiotics and cream which I layered on every time I felt the urge to look in the mirror. As time went on however, it happened again after healing. I got staph 3 times because of my neurotic picking (I even used tweezers to pick my skin off). Eventually I was unable to afford the medication and appointments and tried to control my uneasiness. The scabs eventually went away for about 2 months until I broke out a little bit. I started using face masks at night which helped the breakouts. However, about 2 weeks ago it had dried out a part of my face and I picked off the dried skin. Now I have a red welt which I keep picking at. I don't understand my obsession and am just coming into terms with how serious this could get. I feel better after finding this forum but I don't know how to stop. It's like I wait for 3 days and when the scab is just beginning to look better, I pick it off "to see" if its not just a flake of skin with complete healed flesh underneath it (even though I know this will just make it worse.) I want to be able to be confident with myself and how I look and this is ripping me up! I feel like I constantly have to go run to the bathroom with several excuses in order to make sure I look ok. How selfish is that? Any responses would help...
2 Answers
May 09, 2011
i totally understand how you feel about being selfish with this habit. that kills me how much time i waste and how i act or won't be there for people because of how my face looks. not to mention the amount of the time i'm in the mirror is so vain. ugh.
May 09, 2011

In reply to by anonymous31894

i just joined the 10 day challenge. I am praying that it helps me! While reading I noticed that I go into the trance.. and I cant stop until either bleeding starts or until the scab is completely torn off. Its awful. :(

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