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Sandbox458850 , 20 May 2011

Another relapse (Atleast third this week!)

It's not getting better. I hoped my meds would be helping and I'd be doing better by now. But no. It's getting worse. Almost every night this week before I go to bed I've gotten caught up in front of the mirror picking like crazy. My scalp, face, ears, chest, back, arms, hands, and fingers are all in shreds. It hurts. And it makes me feel so guilty. My parents are constantly telling me to stop and my boyfriend is really concerned. I'll start pulling at a hangnail and he'll say "You're picking" my response is always something like "yeah" or "I know" and then he'll tell me to stop. Lately I say no. Today he tried to pull my hand away but I fought back. Finally he gave in and let me finish, as usual. But he always gives me that same, sad look... "Nissa..." he says. It's so hard feeling the constant need to rip apart my skin. But it just feels so good, in a bad way. I just don't want to stop...

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