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fedup , 07 Oct 2008

New to site and seriously cannot take this issue of mine anymore.

I am new to this forum; I stumbled across it researching my life-altering picking problem. I've known I wasn't the only one, but it still doesn't help much because in my life and to the people that know me, I am the only one. I don't see others looking like I do, although I know they are out there. I've been picking since I was a little girl, as long as I can remember. There were many years that it wasn't so bad. I would pick, but I only had a limited number of boo-boo's, shall I say. For the last 10 years or so, it has gotten so out of hand. I have boo-boo's on every part of my body, my face, arms, legs, back, feet, even on my rear. I feel so disgusting and it affects my life so much. I can't remember the last time I wore shorts, tanktops or went to the beach. I am so dependent on make-up to cover the sores on my face, even though make-up only goes so far, it's ridiculous. And who am I kidding, they are still painfully obvious. My husband, or anyone else for that matter, has really never seen me without make-up on. My husband is getting fed up with our love life, and so am I frankly, because I am so inhibited for fear of him seeing me and all of my hideousness. I have tried filing my nails off, fake nails, willpower (HA-obviously that doesn't work) and the most successful, comparatively, are Hydro Heal Bandaids/Blister Bandaids. I think I keep those companies in business, I should buy stock. But those only address the results, though not very well, not the reason behind my picking. My body is scarred beyond repair and I seriously cannot take this problem anymore. I have brought the issue up in therapy, although I am there for other reasons, and also mentioned it to doctors, but they never make it the priority that it clearly is. I don't think they understand how life-altering this is for me. I would give anything to stop. I don't know how. People, my family, say to me, "Just stop," and I want to yell at them. Like I want to live this way? If it was so easy to "just stop", I certainly would have by now. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to live my life like this.
1 Answer
October 07, 2008
Well I know how it feels to be the only one... I have been doing this since I got a bad case of the chicken pox (my 3rd bout, it DOES happen) at 12, and I started picking at my scalp because of the sores the itchy rash left. And I havent had a pick free or sore free day since then, it has been 17 years. I dont know where it comes from, I understand it is a disorder, but I'd like to know another name for it that I could actually pronouce and understand. I have had friends, and a husband who picked up my habit, believe it or not, but his was one sore on his head, and my friends have clearly gotten over it without looking back. I have had maybe 3 episodes of ONE sore that I compulsively picked at, but most of the time I have about 7 or 8. Right now ... lemme count.... about 6 or 7. But they are all infected and so big I'm not really sure where one stops and the other begins. Everyday I tell myself, "I'm gonna stop that habit" only to find 20 minutes later I am picking without even being aware of it. Is it like cutting? Like those sad kids who deliberately cut themselves to take away the pain of their daily lives? Because that sounds a whole lot more deliberate and attention-seeking than what I have. I dont want ANYONE to know, not my mom, not my best friend, not anybody. And I dont feel like I can control it, like I said, I do it without thinking about it. But theres so much shame. I have been blessed with a beautiful head of long straight hair, and there are patches where its growing in all gnarly and I have to use water to make it go down. I'm sorry you are going through this, as I am. You are not alone. We are weird. Together though, so its a little better. I guess if I was the only one on the planet with this affliction I wouldnt have found it on yahoo. Take care, Me

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