New to site and seriously cannot take this issue of mine anymore.

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October 07, 2008

Well I know how it feels to be the only one... I have been doing this since I got a bad case of the chicken pox (my 3rd bout, it DOES happen) at 12, and I started picking at my scalp because of the sores the itchy rash left. And I havent had a pick free or sore free day since then, it has been 17 years. I dont know where it comes from, I understand it is a disorder, but I'd like to know another name for it that I could actually pronouce and understand. I have had friends, and a husband who picked up my habit, believe it or not, but his was one sore on his head, and my friends have clearly gotten over it without looking back. I have had maybe 3 episodes of ONE sore that I compulsively picked at, but most of the time I have about 7 or 8. Right now ... lemme count.... about 6 or 7. But they are all infected and so big I'm not really sure where one stops and the other begins. Everyday I tell myself, "I'm gonna stop that habit" only to find 20 minutes later I am picking without even being aware of it. Is it like cutting? Like those sad kids who deliberately cut themselves to take away the pain of their daily lives? Because that sounds a whole lot more deliberate and attention-seeking than what I have. I dont want ANYONE to know, not my mom, not my best friend, not anybody. And I dont feel like I can control it, like I said, I do it without thinking about it. But theres so much shame. I have been blessed with a beautiful head of long straight hair, and there are patches where its growing in all gnarly and I have to use water to make it go down. I'm sorry you are going through this, as I am. You are not alone. We are weird. Together though, so its a little better. I guess if I was the only one on the planet with this affliction I wouldnt have found it on yahoo. Take care, Me