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HollyG , 14 Jul 2011

Disgusted with myself

Ive only recently started looking online for anything related to skin picking compulsions and was really suprised although hadn't yet got the courage to write about it. I have to say i had no idea anyone else in the world suffered from this.I genuinely thought I would have to be the only one to do this.To me i feel so sick, ashamed, and disgusted that i could do such ugly, stupid and unnecessary things to myself. I think i have had this problem for many many years on some level.Im 25 and my problems got so much worse in the last year. I pick all over myself and go into a trance state when Im in the middle of picking and time can go by so quickly without realizing it. I have severe depression and anxiety anyway and the state of my skin makes me want to leave the house even less. I hate being so scared to meet anyone and in no way could see myself gettin a boyfriend anytime soon cos Im so embarrassed and ashamed.when i hav in the past,my skin picking wasn't as bad but i still remember makin excuses why i had marks or felt really uncomfortable undressed. I realize Im rambling but need to get it off my chest to anyone who understands. I was away for the weekend there and all i could think of was gettin home to pick.i felt in a way dirty and had to get rid of these flaws even tho the marks i create are even bigger flaws.why can't i stop this?!!
4 Answers
July 15, 2011
you wrote this just hours ago and it is a comfort to know there is another girl going through this, right now, with me. I'm sorry you are going through it don't get me wrong, but I too, just began researching it. I too suffer from anxiety and depression and am afraid to meet people, disgusted, ashamed, all that! I haven't read any other posts yet, but I'm sitting here with a gauze bandage wrapped around my head in an attempt to get some painful marks on my chin and neck heal. I'm sorry I can't be much help with telling you how you can stop, but I'm going to try to get some of the unneeded stress out of my life. And oh, by the way, I can relate to the boyfreind thing, two days ago somebody told me the guy I love probably doesn't love me because I pick my face, in work they constantly say, what's wrong with your face? even the president of my company asked. I think people think I'm on drugs because of it. The funny thing is, people in the street like the vendors where I shop are always freindly and they never appear to pity me or think anything of it. Me on the other hand feel awful about bleeding and handing documents to co-workers, once I got blood on an original contract.. that sucked, so much worse than spilling a cup of coffee on it huh? Good luck sister. I will keep you in my prayers.
August 01, 2011

In reply to by nancyg

I am too glad I am not alone I am 35 and have been doing on and off for all of these years I never new it had a name or a diagnosis. I figured it was just something I did only now at 35 have I finally spoken up. God bless my husband he never has made me feel like i was nasty or anything he always just tries to encourage me to stop. Its not easy to stop but I think placed like here and talking to people will help. I know its embarrassing ti us what we do but it might help I am going to try the journals as well. Will keep you in my prayers and hope all of us find a way
July 15, 2011
I had written that you were the first post I read, I just read the others and it seems that this THING is different for everybody but that we are very similar.
July 16, 2011
I feel your pains. I'm a 30 and male and I am also afraid of meeting someone for the very same reasons(plus a few others). So your not alone. I too go into trance states, like I can see what I am doing and know it's wrong, but I become so disconnected from myself that it doesn't seem to matter. They are no longer my hands, or my arms or whatever. And I can space out for mere minutes to probably an hour or more at times. It's crazy. I cant sit or do anything without feeling for something to pick at.

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