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ChuChuCee , 16 Jul 2011

New to the forum

I just wanted to thank you all for the help you've (unknowingly) given me. I've been visiting this site for the past year or so, trying to cope with this. I remember when I was little, I could never ever leave a scab alone. To this day, my legs and arms still have scars from where I would pick my scabs to absolute death, over and over and over. I didn't start picking my face until I was a freshman in highschool. I played tennis for my highschool, and was the only 9th grader to make the team. I started getting really bad acne though, like cystic acne, on my cheeks and jawline and my self-esteem just plummeted. My crazy doctor thought it would be a good idea to give me microdermabrasion treatments on the enflamed cysts (this was after a round of tetracycline which i couldnt stomach, as well as tons of topicals that didn't work). BAD IDEA. it left me with terrible scars on my cheeks that when I look in the mirror (i'm now 20 years old) I still see. I can't leave my face alone. I spend usually about an hour and a half in the morning applying cosmetics to hide what I've done to my skin the night before. And i hate that. It seems like time i could spend doing something so much more productive. I've tried to narrow it down a little bit... I don't pick in front of people. so i know i could control this... but once i'm standing in front of the mirror looking at all the pimples or scars i have, i just get this nagging thought that if i pop it or scrape it or pick it or whatever it, it'll get better. even though RATIONALLY, i know it won't.. but I still do it. I will spend a couple hours, easy, picking at my face in front of the mirror. The wierd thing is though, that I don't even realize i've spent that long. It's like I just lose track of time, i don't pay attention to anything else. I don't feel pain when I do it, i just feel like i'm making myself better. Then when I finally feel like i'm "done" its like the trance has ended and then all i feel is ashamed and guilty and so so depressed. a lot of times I'll cry afterwards. I have had one serious boyfriend before, and he was amazing, and i didn't pick when I was with him. but my picking has gotten worse and worse to the point where I dont leave the house as much, i have skipped work and school because i've picked, i wont leave the house without makeup. My life revolves solely around the state of my skin and i cant stop it. I dont understand why I am so obsessed with it. I want to quit so badly. I work out multiple times a day, I eat only organic food, i do yoga, i drink green tea and water, i take vitamins. I do everything right, yet i look like i am on meth or something. i am so scared im going to be alone for the rest of my life because i have let these nagging thoughts control me. Anyway... it feels really really good to get that out. My immediate family knows that i have this going on but we dont talk about it much. I've gone to therapy multiple times and i've seen a psychiatrist but I haven't made much progress.
4 Answers
July 19, 2011
hey im 16 about to be 17 im gonna be a senior this year in high school and im in therapy to and my therapist told me that if i write down the reason why i pick before i do it, it usually triggers me to steer away but ive started journaling the reasons like lastweek and pretty far it works well and my mom she bought me this scar treament its similar to Mederma and it works really well it helps fade the scars away and of course its not an overnight thing its goin to be a intense process and you said that you havent made much progress but hey your only 20 right? of course it may take some time but eventually youll be able to overcome this thing and say hey what was i thinking all these years doing this to myself for? well i surely hope this helps strong
July 19, 2011

In reply to by kay

I'm 20 also and I'm living just like you please don't think you're alone! I quit my job and used to skip school also because I would pick at myself mostly my face and my arms. I don't leave the house anymore either because I just look like there's something wrong with me. I also eat organic everything, I buy organic vitamins and beauty products, I do yoga too and drink tons of water and tea...but here I am destroying my skin. I would look great if only I stopped this habit!! Me and another forum member are trying to stop together in the thread called "I am going to stop" we could all like support each other.
July 29, 2011
thank you for your comments! I have been in and out of therapy for about six years now, and i finally went to a psychiatrist last november, but every single one of them believed my problem was anxiety related - - - which was NOT the case, its wayyyy more than that, and more related to BDD. I have noticed a decrease in the picking in the past couple days since I cut out caffeine - I haven't been really highstrung or fidgety so i will probably continue to stay caffeine free. I also try to avoid mirrors as much as I can... I'm usually ok until I actually start picking. I can never just pick at one thing, I end up picking eeeeeverything, so I try to just keep my hands off my face. period. and it is so so hard to do but as soon as I started to see a little bit of progress it got easier to leave my face alone.

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