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Chickpea , 11 Aug 2011

Skin stopping destroying your sex life....

Hi all. First off, it really helps to know that other people out there are dealing with this issue. This summer, I realized just how much damage I've inflicted on my skin. It was tough, but i'm finally owning up to it, and making an effort to stop it. As long as i can remember i've picked at my scabs and pimples. Now i have scabs and blotchy scars on my upper arms, upper leg and bikini area. I worry that some scars will never heal. I feel disgusted with myself because of it. While the fact that i have an issue with ingrowns and a bit of body acne is a factor that needs to be taken into account, I now understand that i've made it look so much worse, and i need to stop!! I get stressed out everytime i make plans to go to the beach. I hate that i can't wear shorts. I've tried. I put them on, but then one look at my legs, and i am overwhelmed with feelings of shame, i can't do it. How would i explain these marks to anyone? So the main point of this post. This issue is stopping me from allowing myself to be intimate with anyone, and its driving me crazy! I cry a lot lately. I'm in my early 20's and i want that chance to be with someone, but i don't believe anyone will ever love me if they find out my "secret"....I feel like everything needs to heal before i can feel confident enough to open up, but right now the thought of being close to someone leaves me feeling shame and sadness, because how will i explain these scars? I've never been in a relationship before, and i can't stand feeling like this anymore...and i shouldn't let my skin stop me, but it is.
6 Answers
August 11, 2011
I can totally relate 1million percent. I'm in the same boat now. Alls I can say is... I need to stop. I have wasted far too many chances in life because of this and closed myself off from intimacy with other human beings. I just signed up to this site. But I would love some support if anyone wants to make a pact or something to stop. I hope you are not too hard on yourself. Just know at least you are still young. You can change or accept yourself and still have a full rockin youth. But also, I will share this- when I was in my mid 20s, I reached (one of many) points where I couldn't take it anymore and ended up just telling the guy I was seeing about my issue and showed him my arms. To my surprise, he was very understanding and kissed my arm. It was so sweet. We ended up dating for almost a year. I have also had several other boyfriends who knew about it... and they loved me all the same. I of course still would prefer to not have the scars in the first place... but so far I have only been able to stop for periods of time or just partially. So maybe just accepting it to a degree is key. All I know is I would like to stop.
August 15, 2011

In reply to by Zoe

That is really good advice. I recently showed my boyfriend of 8 months my arms and he was super sweet about it. This one lady told me that during sex she just pretends to not notice her scars and that the guys usually dont care. I think acceptance is a big part of the puzzle, but of course that is the most difficult. I have scars on my upper body which means no sleeveless shirts, summer dresses, low cut tops all the things women love to wear. I am 21, so getting dressed for clubs and parties is always tough. I guess we have to focus on loving ourselves and our scars. It helps to talk to close friends and family, and this site helps me alot.
August 19, 2011

In reply to by brownskin88

yeah i can definitely relate to the dressing for clubs and parties stress....just know that it will heal if you give yourself a chance...i bought a lot of loose flowy tops for this summer, they covered my arms a little better while still looking summery...
August 19, 2011

In reply to by Zoe

Wow, he must have been a great guy. That sounds like such a beautiful moment. I'm trying my best to accept it, and its healing a lot better these days and i'm picking less and less....but i still get my really low days...i've been feeling really low, unhappy, unfulfilled and lonely. These are usaully the times when i would pick the most, but i've been pretty good about it, i guess there is something to be said for that. Thankyou for your post, it really helps :)
August 23, 2011

In reply to by Zoe

What are your favorite beauty tips? Do you do facial yoga? Do you have a special yeliner trick? A special homemade face mask? massage Herndon
August 24, 2011
This is probably dumb, my name's Gabriel, I spent four years with a girl with dermatillomania, and aside from still worrying if I spelt it wrong every time I jot it down, I also miss her dearly - like every single day of my life. My point is real simple, IT DOESN'T MATTER TO US: we will love you whether or not you pick or pull.

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