Anybody pick at more than just lips, face, etc?


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November 24, 2008

I pick at pretty much anything that I can get my hands on. I pick my arms, I pick my legs, feet, cuticles, scalp, ears, lips, bite the insides of my cheeks, my knuckles, chest, back, stomach, and the list goes on. If I find an area on my body that is not perfectly smooth I pick and pick at it until it's bloody and painful. I'll pick at the soles of my feet to the point where I can barely walk because it hurts so bad. People always ask me what's wrong with my arms or my lips because they're all scarred up or sore and red. Sometimes my cuticles are so bad I can barely use my hands. For me, the triggers seem to be when I'm stressed out, or depressed, or just zoned out on the computer or watching TV. My husband gets really annoyed with me when we're watching TV or a movie together and he constantly tells me to stop it. But I can't control it. It takes everything I have to keep from doing it.
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November 24, 2008

Hi again. Y'know, I've felt so lost and alone w/in this self-made jail cell for so long now that when I discovered this site only a few days ago, I was so elated to know that this condition is a medically recognized disorder (albeit only recently) and more common than I at first thought. Reading the comments posted on this forum has really encouraged me to not give up and to see that I don't have to accept this malady as a way of life. Since I'm the one inflicting this on myself, then I am also the one w/the power to control it. I have occasionally asked my husband to make sure to do this or that to prevent me from picking. Then I realized that it's not fair to ask that of him since it didn't work anyways and all it did was allow me to blame him if it failed. If I was determined to pick then I was going to pick no matter what. That put the accountability back on myself, which I admit is a tremendous burden to bear. At the same time, it can empower me if I view it in the right way--I am the one to either make it or break it. That's the stage I'm at right now. I'm sick and tired of this tiring sickness and am so ready to start living again. I know one thing that makes a big difference; unfortunately, it's also the biggest wall we face. That is, to get involved w/other people. For example, last night I was invited over to my brother's place for dinner. My face was a mess (as usual) but I decided that since it's not like they hadn't seen it before I would go anyways. So I showered (in 10 min--Yeay!), allowed time for my scabs to dry thoroughly before applying makeup, and then accompanied my husband and mother (who happens to be living w/us right now--has early stages of Alzheimer's) to their house. They had also invited two other couples that we are good friends with, so I wasn't as ashamed as I usu am when out in public. After we ate, I opened up more to enjoy an evening of kareoke (my family happens to like singing and does it well). I ended up having a great time, felt relaxed and confidant enough when I got home to go to bed right away instead of spending an hour or two in the bathroom first. This morning I felt even more empowered and haven't picked yet. I know that all it takes for me is to get through at least 3-4 days of not picking, and my scabs will have hardened enough to heal the sore w/o bleeding if I removed it at that point. I've done it before (although it has been a while now) and I can do it again! I'll keep you posted of my progress this week. Thanks again for listening.