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Ok, so im new to this website. I have been picking at my skin for 4 years now, mostly my face and legs currently. I am not quite sure how it started, I just know that it started in the 9th grade, I probably don't remember how because I basically blacked out that year with pills. The earliest things I can remember was picking at my eczema in my freshman english class. I would do it in class and have scars and scabs up and down my arms. I also picked at my face. It didn't get really bad until the end of that school year, when my best friend went out with my ex. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't taunted me for weeks telling me that one of my friends loves him, or perhaps if she didn't come home with me everyday, texting him and lying to my face, or maybe if she didn't tell me on my birthday and act as if it was my fault, she was mad at me. As you can see, I am still very hurt. I remember coming home and picking at my face for hours, but my mom began to notice and took away the tools I would use. So, I lessened up on the face and began to pull the hairs out of my knees. I would get mad if I couldn't come home and pick my skin. Which the same friend still came home with me. She is probably the only one who knows I would pick my knees. She would tell me to stop, and I do not know if she thinks I stopped years ago. This brings me to the present, 4 years later, in my senior year, and I pick my face, legs, and pubic area. I can sit there for hours and do it. I love to dig at my face, its a horrible habit, I have red bumps all over. Thankfully I have controlled myself enough to where I can cover it with makeup. I have tried to lessen the picking when it comes to my legs. But its hard. I love to feel the tug when I pull the hair. And the feeling I get when it comes out. I will do it for hours until I am content, or until my back starts hurting. I used to squeeze out little black dots in my knees, but I have tried to stop because those scar the most. My knees are mutilated. I have recently started picking the hairs from my pubic area. Mostly because it is a lot easier to hide, but also I love the way the hair pulls out. I know I sound like a freak. But....well I don't have any reason to say otherwise. I first heard of this condition a few months ago, being refered to as skinorexia, on tv. I half jokingly told my boyfriend that I must have skinorexia, but he didn't even acknowledge that. Since then, I have lessened my picking. Kind of. I have been trying to stop. But it is just a relief. I used to cut as a relief. Maybe that is why it started. Well just today I told myself that I need to stop. It took a lot but I text my boyfriend a message telling him of my skin picking. It was so hard. Yet again, he didn't even acknowledge it. Which hurts. I have no one to help me. I just needed to tell someone. Today is my first day of stopping. I sat in my room picking at my skin, hudled in my spot, when my mom came out, I always jump because I don't want anyone to know. Then I decided that I have to stop, it is a horrible habit. I was twitching on the couch trying to resist the urges. I still am. I hope I can be strong. I just really need support.
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