Scared, Disappointed in myself, Please help

I'm been picking for the past 10 years. I understand completely when there is that moment where you say to yourself "no" but for some reason you just keep doing it. I also go into a trance like state when I'm picking. And even if I actually stop picking because I said to myself no. I start again in the next 30 seconds. Sometimes I'll go a week without picking and I'm so happy that I think I'm doing very well. But then I'll get a new scab and it intensifies until I'm using tweezers and losing hours of my day just picking. Half the time I intentionally give myself something to pick at. I've had one on one therapy and even group therapy. And it's helpful THEN. But the minute I go home it's like I have no control anymore. I try small techniques like spinner rings, things to keep my hands busy, not looking in mirrors, layered clothing. But I STILL pick. And I'm on the same boat as you wondering how long will this go on? Am I going to be picking 30 years from now? And how many scars will I have THEN? And it's not like you can get help from other people because I just feel disgusted and embarrassed that I never want anyone to know. When I know I'm really anxious or I have more scabs than usual I set an alarm on my phone for every 20-30 minutes. Yes it gets very annoying sometimes when I'm actually doing work so I turnn it off. But if I know I'm not doing anything I'll set the alarm so when it goes off. If I AM picking then I stop so it doesn't go on forever.

Bag balm has been working for me for about a week. I am also a picker since childhood. My target is my cuticles. I can typically go about a week without picking, but if I get stressed I will find myself "looking for" stuff to pick. I don't discriminate against my feet, blackheads or even small sweatbumps that could be a zit. I got turned onto this cream called bag balm. It smells really bad and is super greasy, but I put it on my hands at night and I've found over the last few days that there is minimal stuff to pick. It really heals, soothes and smoothes the skin. Try it, it can't hurt right? The first couple of days (depending on how chopped up your skin is) you will still pick a little (at least I did) but with some patience and self control u will have nice results. I feel better about myself when I haven't picked and I see my hands looking pretty so that helps also. I also put a coat of clear nailpolish on my nails when i m in this mode just to boost the prettiness. I haven't picked my cuticles in a week and counting. Wish me luck and please try this. I don't know where your target area is, but if its on the skin, use this cream at night, and maybe even lightly during the day depending on where your target is. I couldn't find the snack size version of this cream (even though its out there at some retailers) so I got one of the small finger containers to put some in and I take it everywhere. Whenever I get the urge to pick I just put a small dab on my fingertips and rub it in. Its really been working for me and I feel so much prettier and in no pain. Washign dishes, changing diapers writing, doesn't hurt anymore. Let me know if u try it and how it works for u. But be patient, it will take a few days for the full effect!