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deseray , 23 Nov 2008

I thought my face would clear up by 30

As like everyone here, I didn't know this awful habit had a name or what causes it. I've been picking and pushing and ripping the skin at my face for years but recently its been breaking out in cystuals that wont heal and I look like an alien. I don't want to go out without a hat because I feel so awful and ugly. I push all the blackheads that I can find, exfoliate, tone and do it all again. My face is a huge pizza of a mess that I know it doesn't have to be. Now its effecting my weight, because I don't want to go out, I stay in and eat and eat because I feel so awful about the appearance of my face. I have no idea when this episode is going to clear up, fade away and disappear if it ever does. I want to live again. I want to look people in the face and not worry about them staring at my imperfections, which are now out of control. It's comforting to know I'm not alone but then I wish everyone could appreciate the dilemma we share. Does anyone out there have a quick fix (solution)??? Puuuullllllease!
2 Answers
November 23, 2008
Hi Deseray; it's after midnight and I'm still on the computer reading up on this stuff. I just noticed your comment and just had to reply since I can sooooo relate. I feel your pain. I know we're all in the same boat here, but some of us have obviously reached extreme stages. I empathize w/your feelings 100%. I too feel like my life is a mere tormented existence. I used to have a life at one time; I'm all of 44 and I want it back. My condition is so bad that I not only pick every day now but also all throughout the day when I stay home (which is way more often than not). I too have gained weight due to this self-made prison. I guess we all tend to self-medicate w/food. Sometimes it feels like this hole I'm in is only getting deeper and deeper w/no means of ever getting out. But since discovering this site and related links on CSP (only as of yesterday), I feel very excited about my future now. However, I don't believe there is any such 'quick fix.' I've resigned myself to the fact that it is going to take a lot of hard work and determination--relapses to be expected--but it's worth it. What else do we have? We can't give up! We need to encourage each other to stay positive and believe in ourselves. We all deserve to live w/o pain, so let's stay focused on our goal and share our positive experiences. From what I've read on this site, everyone of us is hurting deep inside (emotionally) which is why we then hurt ourselves on the outside (physically). And it doesn't help any that we usu have low self-esteem issues and a lack of confidence to begin with. But no matter what anyone else says or thinks, I see you all as beautiful from the inside out, in your personality and character. I would love to have each of you as a friend if we lived in closer proximity. So don't give up--you CAN live again. You're worth it and I'm worth it! Stay in touch, Deseray. :)
November 23, 2008

In reply to by Alleaha

Hi my name is Maria and I too can relate with everything you guys are saying. but it is soo true what Alleaha is saying; we CANT give up. we cant let this thing beat us! ill be damned if i do. it gets me so angry to think how i did have a life once and now everything revolves around my face and how it looks. but its true; there is no quick fix. BUT we do need to take advantage of the fact that there are more like us out there and we can be there for one another. i think that support is SOo important. because like Alleaha said, we are all hurting emotionally; and people that arent going thru this just dont understand =/ But we DO understand eachother ! i for one, wanna be there for anyone that i can help. my email is hit me up :) lemme knoe if i could give you some support for i need it too :)

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