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Tygeress , 09 Oct 2011

(**TRIGGER**)First significant post I have to get this out(**TRIGGER**)

I've been a member for almost 11 weeks, but have only posted a one liner during that time. So, I am fairly new. I have been skin picking for a very long time. It started with me biting my nails when I was extremely little. It progressed to me picking the skin around my cuticles, then all skin around my fingers. I then progressed to scratching bug bites too much. I can recall about 3-4 yrs ago when my husband & I had to seperate from each other due to some problems with who we lived with, that is when I really noticed it. When we would be together I was fine but when we had to part ways at the end of the day, I would pick. I had him, my dad & others telling me to leave my arms alone. I eventually without realizing what was going on had managed to start hiding my picking. I would go into the bathroom and start picking in there. Nothing was ever questioned about my frequent bathroom visits due to my Crohn's disease. I could go and stay in there for long periods of time & no one the wiser. Then when my husband, my dad & I got into our own place again, it slowed done some. My husband would come in the bathroom periodiclly so I limiting my picking more to when he was sleeping. I would tell him don't come in here when I using the toliet, so I limited my picking of my breast to when I was on the toilet only or when he was here. Then I progressed to using tweezers, finger nail clippers, to "help" me pick more. At one point in my life I was using sterilized needles to "help" me. I have since only used my fingers, tweezers, & clippers. However, now I have also started on my legs. When I have had really upsetting times (at least twice that I can recall) I ended up picking, squeezing to the point of blood & then writing things with the blood. I have went to the point of locking the bathroom door so I could pick. I have tried in the past to stop. When trying to fight the urges to pick when I am on the toilet, it can become over whelming. It feels like I HAVE to do it. It is so hard to fight most times. My most frequent area is in the bathroom when I am on the toilet. I can't just stop using the bathroom. So how do I stop this? I also do my legs & feet at bedtime when I get in bed & start settling done to get ready for sleep. Another thing that is hard for me to resist is when my husband gets a sunburn & he starts peeling. I feel such a strong urge to peel it. I know for a fact I get a rush from peeling that skin. The bigger the pieces the more of a rush I get. What is wrong with me, this is not normal behavior? I am also, OCD when it comes to my house inside. Things have to be "just so." If it is not done "properly", I will fix it, or go behind somebody to fix it. Please help, I am pouring my heart out, more than I have when it comes to this, to anyone. Thanks, Tygeress
3 Answers
October 21, 2011
Hey Tygeress, Hey I am a picker too! I discovered this forum a few days ago and was relieved that I am not the only one. I pick my fingers and ears. Does your husband know the extent that you pick? My husband has started slapping my hands away when I start to pick my fingers. Maybe your husband and dad can keep you accountable. I hope that they are understanding. Have you tried to see a therapist about it? Just TALKING about it with the people on this forum and reading their stories has helped so much. Take courage. You are not alone. Surely this obsession that we have of picking can be broken. I have made some progress with mine but I know it is going to take time and determination.
October 23, 2011

In reply to by skinner

Skinner, he has seen it & I told him after the fact of what I did recently when I got upset. He told me it's not good, & that I shouldn't do it. But that's it. Yesterday, I messed up. But that was I have done well at not picking so far. I am at a point where if I can make one trip to the bathroom without picking then that is an accomplishment for me. And when I'm home alone it's hard also. But, I have done well so far today. I awoke at 10am and it is now after 5pm & I haven't picked. So, I am proud of myself today!!!
October 26, 2011
ahhh, the most powerful person in my life who helped my compulsive scratching would put her hand on my hand and gently and lovingly tell me to stop. when i am frustrated with my kids scratching i push their hands away, they get frustrated at me for it, but they will also tell me to stop when i am scratching or picking. blessed beings they are. being held in love is so powerful, holding ourselves in love is essential to stopping the habits. shifting out of picking on ourselves. for years now, when i have been picking leg pimples i hold one of my dear friends in my heart and head as i am doing it... part of me is thinking to myself "what would jeremy think?" and i know the answer is that he would be gentle and loving, and tell me to stop. for me picking has been about feeling numb and wanting to feel something, and pain is so appealing. when i shift my thoughts around a bit, and put positive ones in instead i feel so much better, and when i touch my skin gently, and allow myself to feel the sensuality of that then i am empowered to stop hurting myself. love to you. i hope you find some power in your touch, trust your need to feel, and i hope you can find the space to fill up on good sensations rather than painful ones.

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