(**TRIGGER**)First significant post I have to get this out(**TRIGGER**)

I've been a member for almost 11 weeks, but have only posted a one liner during that time. So, I am fairly new. I have been skin picking for a very long time. It started with me biting my nails when I was extremely little. It progressed to me picking the skin around my cuticles, then all skin around my fingers. I then progressed to scratching bug bites too much. I can recall about 3-4 yrs ago when my husband & I had to seperate from each other due to some problems with who we lived with, that is when I really noticed it. When we would be together I was fine but when we had to part ways at the end of the day, I would pick. I had him, my dad & others telling me to leave my arms alone. I eventually without realizing what was going on had managed to start hiding my picking. I would go into the bathroom and start picking in there. Nothing was ever questioned about my frequent bathroom visits due to my Crohn's disease. I could go and stay in there for long periods of time & no one the wiser. Then when my husband, my dad & I got into our own place again, it slowed done some. My husband would come in the bathroom periodiclly so I limiting my picking more to when he was sleeping. I would tell him don't come in here when I using the toliet, so I limited my picking of my breast to when I was on the toilet only or when he was here. Then I progressed to using tweezers, finger nail clippers, to "help" me pick more. At one point in my life I was using sterilized needles to "help" me. I have since only used my fingers, tweezers, & clippers. However, now I have also started on my legs. When I have had really upsetting times (at least twice that I can recall) I ended up picking, squeezing to the point of blood & then writing things with the blood. I have went to the point of locking the bathroom door so I could pick. I have tried in the past to stop. When trying to fight the urges to pick when I am on the toilet, it can become over whelming. It feels like I HAVE to do it. It is so hard to fight most times. My most frequent area is in the bathroom when I am on the toilet. I can't just stop using the bathroom. So how do I stop this? I also do my legs & feet at bedtime when I get in bed & start settling done to get ready for sleep. Another thing that is hard for me to resist is when my husband gets a sunburn & he starts peeling. I feel such a strong urge to peel it. I know for a fact I get a rush from peeling that skin. The bigger the pieces the more of a rush I get. What is wrong with me, this is not normal behavior? I am also, OCD when it comes to my house inside. Things have to be "just so." If it is not done "properly", I will fix it, or go behind somebody to fix it. Please help, I am pouring my heart out, more than I have when it comes to this, to anyone. Thanks, Tygeress