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I'm old enough and wise enough to know better - but I just can't help myself
I only discovered skin picking to be a recognised issue about a year ago when in desperation I starting searching the internet again and found this site. I only had the courage after that to vocalise it to my partner - who i'd obviously not hid from him but we'd never discussed. Since I was a 13 I've been to ever skin specialist there is and taken every remedy for a skin problem going. always with the guilt and embarrassment of knowing it was self inflicted. since then I've had may period where I though / felt I was losing my mind. severe panic attacks, anxiety, mild depression. I take seratonin balancing medication and I think it helps. I have period of time when I cope with life well. I am often very content and happy. But throughout I have the skin picking (dermatillomania) and sometimes its completely out of control. It is obsessive, beautifully trance like and at the time the act is a relief I took the information re dermatillomania to both my own doctor and the latest in a line of skin specialists - both brushed it aside. I sometimes can speak with my partner - who does his best. Just this last few months things are finallly moving in a direction that may help but I know it will be a long road. I don't feel its always linked to stress and anxiety sometimes I feel very calm and in control of my emotions yet the skin picking is at its worse. Its a compulsion, an addiction, I almost at times don't want to find a solution as it feels so good when I'm doing it - I'm ashamed I feel like that. I'm old enough to know better, and wise enough(surely ) to have dealt with any hangups I may have from my childhood As a result of bouts of anxiety and some panic attacks leaving me unable to go to work or deal with every day life - i have been on a mindfulness course and am developing some meditation techniques. I have had some CBT and attended a 6 session stress management course. mainly I'm on a waiting list for physchotherapy (there;s a 2 year wait) but at least I have found people who believe it is mental and not physical. i no longer have to pretend to seek treatment through skin disorder specialists. I can talk to my partner who does his absolute best to support and understand. and even though I still have terrible bouts of skin picking to the point of my skin not healing without antibiotics as intervention but I'm not pretending any more and its such a relief. Its so hard to find someone who you can tell the truth to - i can only do some of it and only on some days. I'm hoping that posting on here might help me rationalise my thoughts and get a grip. At 43 I should know better. As a wife, mother and grown woman I should be able to deal wiith this and I feel I am failing by not doing so. I feel i owe it to my son to be more open about the problem and for him to see me deal with it. Any constructive thoughts ?
In reply to I completely understand by trinity19