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Angel421 , 12 Nov 2011

I black out... its like I go into a trance. I can't stop... but I have no way to get help...

I'm new and I just wanted to share my story. I'm an 18 year old girl. Just graduated, started working, trying to become independent. I have a rough family history of mental and physical disorders. I've been no exception to the rule. For years, I've suffered from anxiety, stress and depression and problems. My mind has always been a thing of horrible memories, tramatic experiences and crippling self esteem issues. I went through phases of self mutilation. It began as drinking. Then drugs. Then sex. Then finally cutting. Three years of it. I never saw professional help. Looking back, I really should have. But recently I managed to stop cutting... Unfortunately, it was replaced by a new disorder/addiction. Dermatillomania. It began when my best friend took all my razors, my knife and all my sharp objects. My scars would throb, ache, and itch. So I started scratching them. I'd tear into my arm so badly, two year old scars would start bleeding again. I wouldn't even realize I'd be doing it until it actually began to hurt. By then, patches of my skin would be missing and bloody. I don't know how to stop. My friends who know about it will stop me if they see me scratching. I try filling my nails down as much as I can, but its no use. I bite the skin around my nails until they bleed... When I'm home alone, I can go hours of scratching before I can calm sown enough to stop. I'm terrified. Absolutely terrified. And I don't know what to do ...
1 Answer
November 12, 2011
Hi Angel, Firstly - well done for being brave and asking for help. It's amazing that you have people close to you that you can confide in also, and that are there to help you. It sounds like you may need to reach out further especially if you have a history of addictive traits. Perhaps something like CBT would help? As for the trance like state, I get this also, and to me it seems like it's almost a meditation - not focusing on anything else other than what you are doing right now. It stills the mind. Unfortunately unlike meditation it is detrimental to your health. I don't have all the answers, and everyone seems to find different things work for them. The support on here is amazing though. Be strong, and don't be scared to ask for help. x x

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