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ecliptic , 14 Dec 2011

Scalp picking--for as long as i can recall

my scalp is sore tonight. i spent all afternoon "working on it" making sure i get every little piece out. Then i took a shower, the water on my sore scalp felt like hell. I ended up not washing my hair. Instead i put some herbal hair oil and wrapped up my long long hair not too tight though, or it might irritate my already tingling, burning, itching scalp. Then the whole scenario started to bother me. I made a cup of tea and headed to my desk. i sat at my desk for a while thinking and thinking about my sore scalp and i'm worried that my hair may start falling out if i continue like this. I turned on my pc and typed in the search box "DIGGING SCALP UNTIL IT BRUISES" .....and up pops this skinpick site. I'm 31 and even though i am embarrassed and ashamed of my scalp digging, i am grateful that i am not alone. Thank you all for having the strength to open up to something as significant is this. I started a couple years after my dad died. I was always afraid and scared as a child and I suffered emotionally. I was abused, physically and verbally by my mom for a long time. I've had year after year after year of terrible experiences. 3 years ago i was diagnosed with depression. where i live, we have no medical resources equipped for mental health so i had to travel to the US to seek treatment. A few months ago, after years of fighting depression, i did a in patient program. they did a complete eval and i was finally diagnosed with severe major depression, ptsd, severe anxiety. That's pretty bad. Since then i have been back home and back to my loving fiance who hates my depression and cannot stand to hear me talk about it. He shows me so much anger because of this hatred he has of my depression. I had to send my kid to his grandparents house cause i couldn't handle the responsibility of getting up early and getting him prepped for school. Everything is overwhelming and crazy and spinning out of control. I don't know who i am anymore and there's chaos and confusion everywhere i look. I'm getting help for my depression....again i have to go back to stay at the clinic. My fiance really says things to hurt my feelings and he says he doesn't care how much it hurts my depression or makes it worse. i've never told anyone about my scalp issue, i never even knew it was a problem until tonight. i forwarded the info to my doctor and i'm hoping that i can get some help.. Thank you for your time and thank you for reading, i wish you all the best.
1 Answer
December 17, 2011
hi. just read your input and just wanted to wish you well. made me sad to read. thank goodness you could go as in-patient and have help, not having resources nearby is something i have taken for granted (not that i have taken advantage of recently but am starting therapy on monday as a back-up.) have concluded that talking and importantly admitting all habits that make us/me worse are better to be spoken about and then there is a chance of changing the patterns, catching the 'self' before just going on auto-pilot. does that make sense? hope fiance is being better. support from cyberspace! and best wishes

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