Online Test

Find out the severity of your symptoms with this free online test

Miri , 19 Dec 2011

Trying a new start

This is the first time I've ever 'blogged' or written an account of my struggles with this disorder (it feels weird calling it that). I suppose I will give you all a bit of background and let you know what possessed my to sit at my computer at 3 in the morning searching for some type of support. The first time I remember picking I was in elementary and I just recall scratching some white heads off of my nose and for some reason it was very satisfying. And so it began, apparently my compulsion relates more to a self comforting measure rather than an active attempt to mutilate myself though the end result is just that. As a young teen I used my "bad skin" as an excuse not to get close to boys because I was incredibly insecure, it was my armor in a way and an easy excuse, "of course no one would like my.. look at me". Slowly this habit progressed to the point of feeling truly uncontrollable. I hated myself for doing it and that hate just fueled my need to pick more. W When I pick and pop and scratch I lose myself. I calm down and feel grounded. For that hour I spend in front of the mirror I don't have to care. As soon as I can pull myself back and actually see the damage I hate myself and I lose hope. I am 24 now, a newly graduated nurse and otherwise happy girl. This habit completely dominates my life. It affects relationships. I feel like I can't get physically close to someone because if I am not actively picking they are still going to be grossed out by my scars. There have been many times when I call in sick or cancel plans with friends or family because I have destroyed my face and feel like I can't go out in public. I've attempted to stop too many times to count and failed every time. I feel like I'm reaching the end of my rope. I want to put this behind me and be able to live my life.

No answers yet

Start your journey with SkinPick

Take control of your life and find freedom from skin picking through professional therapy and evidence-based behavioral techniques.

Start Now