80 days' commitment


Online Test For Skin Picking Disorder

Find Out The Severity of Your Symptoms With This Free Online Diagnostic Tool

avatar

January 13, 2012

hi basta, i would put a thumbs up sign of encouragement but there isnt one as far as i know. so :) instead. anyhow i am about to post on my little 'comment space' but thought id quickly say hi on yours. i have got my boyfriend staying until tuesday and will find it difficult to spend much time on here and i am slightly apprehensive, only slightly but i just know i will miss the amazing strength i get from this site. still, i hope to get a few minutes here and there. in the meantime, keep up good work and here's to 'freedom forever'! p.s isnt 'basta' italian for 'enough'? i was an au-pair in Rome years ago and the mum kept saying 'basta' to the child! consequently, its one of the few words i remember. anyhow it is very fitting because i certainly had endured enough. best wishes
avatar

January 13, 2012

That's right - this nick name came up to my mind when I wanted to become a member here. Basta is Enough! I :-) Funny - I've been an au pair too, but in Denmark. I will be thinking about you and send you the positive wibes while you're away from the site.
avatar

January 13, 2012

thank you so much basta and ditto. great support, just brilliant. i am running late now - nothing new there! but just v quickly wanted to say how much i appreciated your comment. and I think 'zubito'? isnt that italian for 'quick'? anyway, something like that - and that is what i need to be now! thanks again and back soon.....
avatar

January 14, 2012

Day 2: Will spend the whole day at school today, and will cook in the evening, so it'll be a busy day. I'm thinking "clear" - I try to act as if I didn't have any skin issues at all. It feels great so far!
avatar

January 15, 2012

Day 3: Have been at school today too and have been touching my skin lots of times in search of some dry flakes to rip off... My anxiety is at a very high level today. I had a really terrible nightmare tonight so I was quite sad in the morning - everything felt so real in this dream :(
avatar

January 16, 2012

Day 4: was at work and it actually went well. I'm still struggling with the urge to peel the flakes of the face, so I guess I'll go to bed now. :)
avatar

January 18, 2012

Day 6: It's getting harder and harder. My anxiety levels are high again. I'm also feeling frustrated. My hubby's younger brother has just finished his university with a great grade. I'm happy for him but I am feeling sad because I haven't (yet) got my dream education and feel like a failure. These feelings make me focus on my skin - it's too sad to realize that I'm still not the one I want to be...
avatar

January 18, 2012

hey basta. i am back after few days and iv missed the back-up that i get when i come on here. good you are still going strong, yes i acknowledge that you are having a downer - but guess what - you are having a 'downer' as a NON-PICKER! and lets face it you would probably be having a downer about the univ. thing anyway - so at least it is only on that level, rather than the horrid deeper level that we can go to with the picking. - hope i dont sound flippant here but i am just encouraging you in your success that you have had recently. I speak from experience here because i know that it is easy to forget how much the picking can prevent 'going forward'. - everything that is done from now on will be easier by the fact that there is at least one big burden less that we have to contend with, ie shame of picking. - As far as thinking that you are a failure is concerned that is a classic 'beat yourself up' mode. - Basta - it is never too late to achieve things, sometimes it may be not the way we might have chosen but things happen which can be far better than we could ever have imagined. - hope you are out of the doldrums now and that it was a momentary blip? - hope you have changed your focus and doing something good, like your running? best wishes and i am just going to blitz a little of my 'stuff' on my 'space' on here and then im off to get something to eat because i have just got in from work and need food! bfn
avatar

January 18, 2012

The negativity is away now :) Thank yu so much for your support!! The thing is that I'm applying for the university (again) this year and I'm afraid of getting a "no" for the 6th year in a row :( I've got other education and still studying but still not where I want to be. I really hope I'll succeed this year.
avatar

January 19, 2012

Just had to comment on this too! :) I really hope that your application is successful for you for the uni. - with strong resolve we can have an influence on many things and suspect that you may have a better chance this time round with your appliction as a result of successfully conquering a major negative habit. - Guess that what you are studying at moment is important too and all ends up in a 'picture' of who you are. - all skills can help along the way and without sounding trite (forgive me if i do i genuinely mean this because i am trying to learn this too) - it is the journey along the way that is vital too. ie yes, hopefully this will be the year for being accepted but who knows what lessons there are to be learnt along the way to becoming where you want to be. - makes me think of climbing a mountain, its not just about reaching the top, its the climb itself (not that i am slightly obsessed with climbing a mountain at the moment, or anything!!!! - ok well yes i admit maybe i am a little), cannot help but think it is a fitting analogy. We are all striving to climb these metaphorical mountains - so often there is this pressure to achieve. Surely the absolute greatest achievement of all is peace/happiness, love, health, etc. obviously fantastic to successfully become what we aspire to be but it is the person inbetween that counts too. - guess im a little contemplative right now because i need to get some kip. going to get a hot milk drink and commence snoring. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz :)
avatar

January 19, 2012

Day 7: My skin looks really lovely :) I made a peel-off mask yesterday (black Daiso mask) which took some of the sebum from the pores in a gentle way! It is an excellent substitute to hours of picking with my hands. I have had a really sad morning today. Together with my skin-pick project I decided to accept and "contain" my feelings. NOT running from them but feeling what I'm feeling, give it a name and just let them be. Because I can see that so much as skin picking has been running from emotions, I need to stop running from them together with stopping the picking. It has been a good decision and I feel that when I accept the feelings, then they just are there and I find a kind of peace with them. For example yesterday I felt sad because of thoughts about education and writing/talking about it and being sad didn't frustrate but made me feel more free. But today I had to go to a gynecologist and had a biopsy, and I just hate it so much. I was really sad after it and when I came to work I began crying and spoke about it with two of my colleagues. I'm happy that I didn't suppress or ran from the feeling, but it was not the most pleasant thing to do.
avatar

January 19, 2012

oh basta sorry to read of your ordeals this a.m. - v good that you shared with your colleagues. think part of emotion is the physical invasion of these tests/examinations - v intrusive and so personal. and then of course the waiting for result. well done for going through with it - really, really and another really. - feelings are bloody hard to feel but there is a sense of liberation afterwards. sadness is a gentle feeling and it can be shared with people and getting feedback/kindness from them is healing in itself. - picking and self-attacking is old style isnt it? - your colleagues will be understanding of you and appreciate your openness. - with picking, it can be so isolating because, in my case anyway, we tend to share our feelings less because the picking numbs the feelings to an extent - BUT in an unhealthy way. - hope you are ok now basta. give yourself some good treats today, something delicious to eat, or whatever. just something good. just for YOU.
avatar

January 20, 2012

Day 8: This was quite a day for me today!!!!!!! I work a bit far from public transport these days (from August '11 till February) ans sometimes some of my colleagues drive and I get a lift to the underground. Today I used the chance again and one of my colleagues drove me. We drove and everything was fine but then he started talking. He told me that we was totally in love with me and just wanted to kiss me all day long, that he though about me all the time and that the only thing that was stopping him is that I'm married. :OOOOOOOO I really like the guy, he is a cool person and we have great chemistry, we work really great together, but I was shocked how many feelings he was going around and hiding from me. I'm actually still in shock! I'm NOT looking forward to next week because I will be working side by side with him and I just don't know how to behave to not hurt his feelings too much. The skin is doing fine, day eight now, tadaaaaa!!
avatar

January 22, 2012

Day 10: The day went fine, but I've been looking for a good moisturizer and still haven't found anything. In the summer I like active moist from Dermalogica, it's really wonderful for my skin, but it's just not enough in the winter. I use skin smoothing cream around eyes (yes, I know I have to buy an eye cream but I haven't got so far yet) but it gives me pimples. I like the texture of Ole Henriksens herbal day creme, but it's sunscreen makes my face shine as if I put oil on the face... I got a sample of cliniques superdefence spf 25 for oily combination skin and it just dried my skin out, stang and gave me new pimples!!! Wow, I really didn't expect this!!! I didn't pick the face but did touch the shoulders... :( it was just a couple of clugged pores, so I didn't give totally in.
avatar

January 24, 2012

Day 12! OMG, I'm still not picking!! I'm quite happy about that. I'm going to see a dermatologist today for a face scan - I'm really excited what he will say about my skin. It looks ok, but not perfect of course...
avatar

January 24, 2012

hope today went well :) . - ive replied to your other message too hence quick note now, there is only so much time i can 'hide' in bathroom! face scan? not sure how it works but sounds interesting. :)
avatar

January 25, 2012

The face scan is a ultrasound scan where you can see the layers of the skin and it's composition. Are the cells strongly connected to each other or are they falling apart, is the skin thin or thick, is there sun damage and some other things which I don't remember now. My skin is actually quite "standard" for my age, it was nice to hear. But I am going to a "real" dermatologist on Tuesday to have a full skin analysis, where she will hopefully tell more about my skin. I can see that as long as I just use Clinique's cream on the areas (almost everywhere) where I have big pores and skin smoothing cream all the other places, then it works fine for me. I'm though still looking for a day cream which I'll be happy about.
avatar

January 25, 2012

Day 13: The skin is nice but I really really want to pick right now, uhhhhhhhhhhhh... I can feel that the pores are full and want to squeeze them. But I won't do that - I'm going to use the scrub (Origins) and then go to bed. I have had quite a tough time at work this week because the guy who is crazy about me is stalking me - he calls the phone all the time to ask me to go drink coffee with him, checking on me all the time, trying to talk to me on facebook and skype... My colleagues agreed to help me to keep him away - so I'm not leaving our office without a colleague beside me so he won't talk to me, and I exchanged my working place with a colleague so it's harder to come through to me. There are only three days left for me in this centre, so I'll go back to my usual job after that. I went to a hairdresser yesterday and to my surprise I was brave enough to let her cut quite a lot of my hair!!!! I felt like my skin is looking so much nicer that ever so I'm not afraid to have shorter hair anymore! I like the cut, it's a simple carre.
avatar

January 25, 2012

how great to get a new, more radical haircut. - its funny isnt it how this being free from the picking provides so many new opportunities to be as we 'wish' to be, ie. just naturally spontaneous. - yukky to hear about stalking-guy. how boring to have to deal with that right now, thank goodness you can leave work-arena in few days. reminded me of book iv just read which featured amorous chap who bothered the narrator/character, very funny/lighthearted, Carole matthews, all wrapped up, like reading easy funny fiction as cheers me up, i am purposefully avoiding grotty things, inc books, films, tv, papers, and especially people! editing my life for new positive options! - hope you got good quality sleep and hope scrub worked v well. :)
avatar

January 28, 2012

this is really inspiring! i can't imagine not picking for 80 days. i hope one day i can get to this point :) keep us updated on how it's going.
avatar

January 28, 2012

Day 18: OMG, I still haven't picked!!! But I was so close to doing that yesterday. The pores are totally filled up... I couldn't wait for Tuesday and went to dermalogica's skin mapping yesterday. She told me I had oily skin om my forehead, nose and cheeks close to the nose. Other places it's normal skin so I can use my beloved skin smoothing creme all places but oily parts. I have bought Thermafoliant vitamin scrub - it is soooooooooo great!!!!! My skin feels renewed and very smooth. Yesterday I said goodbye to the office where I have been working dince august and will return to my usual place on Monday. My boss called me to a meeting - is he going to fire me???? I'm SO anxious now. Maybe it's this anxiety which made me want to pick yesterday? I'm glad I can write the feelings down so I integrate them without becoming self-destructive. I had also quite a hard time leaving that office yesterday, I was sad - it was difficult to leave them after these 5 months and not hurt. I'm still going to a dermatologist on Tuesday for a skin analysis, because it's free and I want to hear about the skin from another expert too.
avatar

February 01, 2012

Hey basta. havent posted for what seems like centuries, but is in reality about a week! just checking in with you to say hi and hope your meeting positive with boss? - whoa! - bit daunting being called to a meeting - perfect opportunity for a big fat projection-circus. - v much hope it went ok. - also if you went to dermatologist how was skin analysis? - lots of new developments for me - but being on antibiotics wasnt one of the ones i expected... got some sort of infection (ditto re: above reference for a big fat 'projection' opportunity - blimey i have diagnosed myself with a million serious illnessess, however, hopefully the anti.b's will clear ' it ' up and whatever it is/was will be history). - dont much like taking these tablets but am drinking cranberry juice, gallons of water and eating natural yoghurt, etc. - there is a plus side to all this - skin looks great! - wishing you a good week too basta. :)
avatar

February 01, 2012

Day 20: I picked last Saturday :( Was really afraid of getting many infected pores but the skin was not that bad after this the next day, I wore make-up anyway. I got fired this Monday. I'm ok with that but also wondering why me. It is probably normal. I haven't picked since saturday which is good but want to pick every day though. And I'm a bit sad and about to find out what to do with my life. I guess I'll just work on my own project and start my own business.
avatar

February 01, 2012

Basta, - 1) :( re: firing. - 2) :) :) :) way you are planning new business and projects - 3) :) :) :) great you havent picked since Saturday and - 4) :) :) :) that your skin recovered v well.
avatar

February 01, 2012

Hi! I read your post a few nights ago before posting my first post. Your commitment was my inspiration to stop. Thank you. Keep doing you are doing so well!
avatar

February 01, 2012

Hi! I read your post a few nights ago before posting my first post. Your commitment was my inspiration to stop. Thank you. Keep doing you are doing so well!
avatar

February 05, 2012

Day 24: I haven't picked since that Saturday - until today. I only took the biggest "issues" but still not happy about it. My period has just begun too, so I guess I was influenced by the hormones. I still haven't got used to the fact that I am jobless now. Going to a job interview tomorrow (voluntary work) so very very excited if they want me!!! It's a telephone line you can call to if you are sad or lonely or anything else on earth, and I will hopefully be one of the people on the line to talk and support whoever calls.
avatar

February 09, 2012

Day 28: My skin looks lovely! I realized that my cheeks don't get any inflammations or even pimples if I don't touch or pick them! So I am now quite sure that I have normal skin there. Forehead and chin are not good - pimples and inflamed pores all the time.
avatar

February 09, 2012

Basta, how wonderful to have come so far and see evidence of all the commitment. i know how complex this all is but it is also such a great opportunity to get to know our REAL selves better and not rely on the avoidance tactics! challenging but worth the effort. how did interview go? like the sound of doing something similar in a voluntary role, think by helping others it has double benefit - it feeds our nurturing side and helps us feel good about ourselves too. which can't be a bad thing! :)
avatar

February 09, 2012

It went well! I got the job and going to two courses first (over two weekends) and then start around end of march. So excited!! I was thinking about why I would want to help people this way and realized that it's because deep inside I want to be helped.... It's not a bad thing but quite interesting to find the reason there! Sarah, I was so happy today but then my husband came home and then something just pushed me into picking. An hour long session :((((((((( I'm just really sad to lose some of my colleagues and can't talk with my husband about it, I have this issue that I don't want to show him my weaknesses (afraid of him leaving me). So without stopping and takng a breath I did what I used to do to deal with this. :( I am sad that I missed the moment. I must remember though that there will be a day tomorrow and the day after and so on... I am also nervous because I'm going to a TOEFL (English language exam) on Saturday and have actually no idea if I can get enough points. I haven't spoken English for quite a while, that's why I'm getting nervous and anxious. It's just a difficult time for me now. I have though finally fixed my website and actually ready, but really really afraid to fail.
avatar

February 09, 2012

Basta, a pick is not going backwards - it is a pick amongst the many, many, many many, many strong days you have had. sounds as if you know this inside but i totally get that you are disappointed about not catching 'the moment' - god that bloody moment was a daily/nightly bloody moment before - now they can be 'one-offs'. also i guess hormonal time is a challenge. funny, i was just talking to my daughter (went to pizza express) and i was talking with her about all this stuff. its the time when we can feel a bit heavy, bloated, out-of-sorts and its a great time to avoid dwelling on things, but the time we are most inclined to be a little melancholy - and hey what an opportunity to really do a double whammy and temptation to pick can be huge - forgive yourself totally basta - you are doing great. sounds like you have a lot going on, good, bad and ugly - good (new job - congratulations! well done - you will be fab in this role, they are lucky to have you), bad (scary feelings re: husband - opportunity maybe to explore?) and a little ugly (ugly = losing work colleagues during day - but sure you will keep friends with the special ones?). gosh basta, so much change. so many different 'states' of mind to deal with. also surprise, surprise (not !) hormonal activity seems to intensify everything doesnt it? - now, as for Saturday - you can only do your absolute best. remember to take your deep breaths and think of positive things before you go in to exam - ie your fab new job. :) :) :)
avatar

February 14, 2012

I just wanted to chime in to congratulate you on your journey so far. I'm starting (again) tonight and figure I may have some questions for you down the line... like about ways you've fought through the hard urges...and how/whether you went about eliminating top "picking spots" in the house. (For me, on my bikini/wax line, I don't need a mirror but that means all seats near/under bright lights are "danger zones". Do I have to change the lighting everywhere in the house??)
avatar

February 14, 2012

I used to have a mirror in my living room where the light is best and pick every single night. I took the mirror into my closet first. The worst days I would hold one hand with the other and this way fysically not be able to pick. I used to pick bikini line too, but after I stopped waxing/epilating there and use a razor it's not exciting anymore because there are no grown in hairs. I would change the lightning in every dangerous zone, it's a cheap way to make a huge progress!!! I sold one of the lamps I used to pick under - so glad I did!!
avatar

February 14, 2012

Day 33! My skin has finally recovered since the last episode. I am seriously thinking about throwing the mirror away because it still makes me pick sometimes, I don't want this to happen anymore!! The Toefl test last saturday was very difficult so I am afraid that I won't get enough points. I need 80, I don't really know how many mistakes are accepted. My daugher is sick, so I have been at home with her today. She hasn't slept two nights in a row now and I am very tired!! I wanted to use this whole week on thinking about my life purpose and made no appointments but I guess I will just be staying at home with her and having my 100% on her. It's ok, but just not the best timing!
avatar

February 17, 2012

Day 36! My skin looks lovely! My daughter have been sick but today I finally have a day for myself today! I have won a ticket to a styling event with country's best stylist for tonight! So excited! :)
avatar

February 21, 2012

Day 40! OMG I still haven't picked!!! I am so lucky that my skin has been quite dry the last days - I was sick and vomited for a few days in a row so I almost haven't eaten anything - it seems that there's something I eat which makes my skin produce more sebum because after these days it hasn't. I haven't eaten fruit at all yet, my stomach is still in quite a bad condition.
avatar

February 22, 2012

Day 41! I want to pick really much, but I manage somehow to forget it. My picking today is a result of me not doing the most important thing which is to apply the university I want to attend and jobs and study. Gosh, I have really much which has to get done! I got great results from TOEFL test today! Yay! I was really afraid I made lots of mistakes but it seems I didn't!! :)) The day has been great too in another way: I finally found the leather jacket I has been looking for for 1,5 years!!! It is used but it's in excellent condition. Soooo happy!
avatar

February 23, 2012

hi basta. i havent been here for a while but logged in today and saw your great news re: toefl test. congrats :) - really pleased for you. - This will help with your confidence to apply to your university course wont it?. :) - Cannot chat much right now as daughter demanding laptop!! - however just wanted to add my encouragement to you. - We know its tricky to quit totally but any improvements are beneficial and lots of pats on shoulders are required for all of us for trying our best :))). - You sound so happy basta and the success with the jacket is v good. - things are enjoyed more when you have worked hard to get them, you say you have been looking for jacket for 1.5 years - now you have succeeded! - same with picking, work hard and eventually, in our own times, we find solutions to pick-free days. :) :)
avatar

February 26, 2012

Day 45: I picked today. It was a major picking session which took around two hours. I'm quite sad about it now. When I look back, I can simply see that I haven't given myself time to calm down and come back to myself. I had just come home after the second day of intensive training (for the phone line for those people who have mental disorders or difficult life situations) and was really tired. Instead of calming down I started watching tv, eating and at last gave in to picking. I hope I will be more attentive next time. But sad anyway that I did it.... :(
avatar

February 27, 2012

Dearest Basta, first and foremost as a fellow picker I ask that you forgive yourself. We are all struggling through this and you need to know that there is hope. Look at how much progress you made! I read an article the other day about how as humans we need to be making to done lists instead of to do lists...think about how much you have done already. Now, calm yourself, relax and remember that you are stronger than this...We can do this! :)
avatar

March 01, 2012

Thank you for the support!! :)
avatar

March 01, 2012

Day 49: My skin is in recovery, but it takes time... I get inspirational quotes every day and I want to share today's quote with you. "Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him." I'm at home today, reading.
avatar

March 02, 2012

hi basta. hope your day was good yesterday and you got your reading done. Your job sounds demanding and i guess its v important that they give you strategies for leaving the problems behind when you finish on the phonelines. You are brave to do that basta. i have to admit i have used a phoneline service a couple of times in the past and it was incredibly helpful. invaluable actually. i have thought about volunteering, however thinking about something is not the same as achieving it! - you are an inspiration basta for doing this. ...................... i wish you a good day and keep strong :) - hows the new jacket? :) p.s. like the quote :)
avatar

March 14, 2012

Day 62: I picked 5 days out of those 13 days I've been away from this site :((((((((( This is terrible. When I don't pick and I try to feel the body I can feel I'm almost shaking! I'm just very very anxious all the time. I'll try to do my best these last 18 days of my challenge.
avatar

March 15, 2012

hi basta. lots of encouragement for your last bit of your challenge. (if you picked for only 5 out of 13 - thats 8 days NOT picking. dont know about you but that would have been something to seriously celebrate before finding this site! :) have a good day basta hope jobs going well. p.s. i know you love running, etc. so hopefully you can relate to my excitement that i successfully climbed to the summit of Snowdon on sunday! it was a challenge i did not think i could do. - took a while, but that was not the point, it was something i set out to do. thats what challenges are all about, not perfection, but improvement - sound familiar???? :) xx
avatar

March 15, 2012

Wow!!! That's so cool!!! It probably feels like... getting to the top of a mountain!! It may be fantastic!! Congratulations! I may visit your country one day - I've heard the nature is beautiful in Wales. Just looked at the tickets... will cost over 405 pounds per person.. Maybe next year then! :) Thank you very much for the encouragement! Hugs
avatar

March 16, 2012

thanks for congratulations and hugs! :) i hope you do visit wales next year. i was overwhelmed with the beauty of the area. some great places to visit. so exciting. legs still feel a little dodgy, used muscles didnt know i had. no regrets though. want to do it again. maybe come down by train as bizarrely tougher coming down. had to really focus, great meditation technique as no room for stressing about anything else, had to be in the moment. fantastic. hope today good for you. im sure you are computer savvy, there may be better bargains to be found re tickets :) have great weekend basta.x
avatar

March 19, 2012

Day 67: My skin looks really lovely!! I haven't picked and I have been busy lately. I was at therapist today - first time with this guy. Talked about my job situation and my insecurities around coming out and being independent. Or.... my insecurities :) I'm thinking maybe I'll talk about picking next time, but it's difficult even to think about it, so shameful.
avatar

March 20, 2012

Hi basta. got b/f staying this until tomorrow so just v v quick note to say that i know exactly what you mean re being open with therapist but once its 'out there' its a relief, another step as it were. i have to keep my eyes down when i talk about my picking history and however excrutiatingly embarrassing it is, i keep talking. its the way to freedom and leaving the shame behind. - .............. Just to rephrase my last post, re: train, i was referring to the train that can be got down (or up, but that defeats object???!:) from Snowdon - I read again and realised it looked very confusing. sorry :) - ......... Am v pleased to read your above words 'My skin looks really lovely!!' - well done Basta, you are doing so great and it has been good to be on this journey on this site, alongside you and everyone. it helps so much.
avatar

March 22, 2012

I'm so proud of you and I don't even know you! I told my counselor and it was embarrassing but since he's a professional he didn't judge me or look at me funny. He's just helping me get through it! totally worth it! I'd like to do a challenge too, would you want to restart it long with me?

Pages