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EchoNola , 29 Jan 2012

Just stop it

Yesterday I turned 25. I've been picking scabs and blemishes since I can remember. I used to pull my hair out absent-mindedly and I used to fiddle with my eyelashes until I had hardly any left. I stopped pulling my hair out in Jr. High when the kids made fun of me for always leaving a pile of hair by my chair in school.... so I cut all my hair off. I had 1 inch of hair. I'm a girl. It was definitely a risky move and I got a lot of Hell for it but suddenly I left it alone. To stop me from pulling out my eyelashes I started wearing clumpy mascara. It bonded the lashes together in a way that I could no longer pull out a single lash painlessly... it hurt to pull a whole bunch out. So I stopped. I have never found a solution to stop me from picking my skin. I run my hand over my face neck and shoulders constantly "scanning" for imperfections and if I find one I'll pick at it until it's gone and then the scab until I find something else to pick at and leave one alone long enough to let it heal. My Mom's mantra was always "stop picking, sit on your hands, you look like a leper." She'd make me wear gloves in the house and cut all my fingernails very short... none of it helped. A remember after a choir performance in school where I had to wear a short sleeve dress my mom came up to me afterwards and said "I have never been so embarrassed... people were asking me what was wrong with you and if you had some kind of disease. Caitlyn's mom thinks you should be in the hospital just in case you're contagious" She wrapped my hands in tape at home sometimes. I have no idea how to stop.

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