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usxbrfloor , 21 Feb 2012

how should i tell my boyfriend

my boyfriend and i haven't been very intimate yet, but i know that when we do, he will see my scars and current wounds. i've been trying to let up on it, but i feel like i'm going crazy just trying to calm down. the main areas i pick are my arm and shoulder areas, my breasts, and the fatty underside of my thighs. i have scars from picking on my legs, back, butt, and stomach. I've been doing this since i was about six and haven't been able to stop alltogether. when i was in middle school i had a scab on my butt almost as big as my hand. i was only able to stop picking at it because i broke my arm that summer and slept nearly the entirety of the season. i'm worried that my boyfriend will think i'm ugly or not worth it anymore if he sees my skin now. we've been dating for several months and i really care about him. i know he won't leave me because of it but i know he might find it gross or worry about me or something. i just don't know if i should bring it up ante intimacy or if i should just see if he notices. your advice would be more appriciated than i could ever tell you. thank you.
2 Answers
February 21, 2012
As soon as I figure this out, I'll let ya know! Still trying to figure out how to tell my boyfriend. One thing I'm certain of, is with proper education of the matter when presented to you/my boyfriend and if they really care about us.....this won't effect anything. Could even help??
February 21, 2012
Well I have had two real boyfriends since my picking got bad/obvious. One I didn't tell and it only made everything worse for me. Bc I had to hide and I felt ashamed, and I wore makeup all the time and got an infection bc of it. The second one brought it up bc he had seen me google it, or saw it in my search history or something like that. That was hard, but made me realize he already knew something was up. It was a huge relief to just tell him. I basically told my story. I told him how it started, what I was thinking and feeling at the time/what was going on in my life and how it had gotten to be so bad. He may not have understood what picking did for me exactly or why picking bc its an odd thing to some who don't do it, but he could understand my story, and in general he understood how people do some strange things to cope. We all do. I told him how it had become my outlet to deal with abuse as a child and he wound up wanting to help me.He was pretty sweet about it. If your guy is really as serious about you as you are about him and is a mature(ish) adult, he should be ok with it, or at least not make you feel more alienated. If you can't get the words out you could try writing him a letter and being there when he reads it, I know its hard to say it sometimes. You could give him some links to sites that explain it from a scientific standpoint too. Its good to have a "safety" net when telling people I think. What I mean is having a friend or loved one you can call/go and spend time with who already knows and can be supportive no matter what, or at least someone you feel comfortable around who makes you feel safe. Its helpful also to explain your fears. Like "hey Im worried you will think Im gross". Naming it takes away some of its power sometimes, even if what you're scared of winds up being true. I mean that in broad terms, not just in the case of telling someone about picking. I think in general its better to live your truth and deal with what comes than hide away your whole life. Things have a way of ordering themselves in the right way when you're truthful, just maybe not in the exact way you want. Remember that those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. This is all just how I think about it. Im not saying thats what your should do, Im just sharing my experience. Everyone is different and you gotta do what you think is best. I suggest you try not be too hard on yourself or push yourself too fast no matter what. Good luck!

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