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CC8999 , 12 Mar 2012

Hello :'(

ello, my name is Chloe and I am 14 years old. I had started picking since I was 10, when my mum left the country for her job,(she works abroad as an assistant editor.) Her boyfriend at the time, did not give me much comfort at the time of her departure and instead I was left to my own devices. At that age I began to get spots on my skin, at first I ignored them, but everyday with the stress of missing my mum and feeling as though I was starting secoundary school alone, I began to feel anxious and very upset. I would have good days and off days at school and at home, feeling as though I only had my pets for comfort since my mum's boyfriend would either be on his laptop, buried with work or watching football. I have been picking for 4 years now and I really and honestly don't want to make it a 5th year running. I have had councelling and used meditation balls, to stop the sensations of picking go away. I try to talk to my friends, but they don't understand. I dont know why I keep thinking they will, they all have clear skin and are all much more prettier than me. I feel so alone sometimes, like no one out there understands, my mum and other family members try to talk to me about it, but I just get annoyed and shrug the subject off. I feel embarrased to walk around in public with my Mum, people stare at my face like I'm some sort of freak of nature. I've been called ugly and even earned a nick name 'dot to dot' at school. I feel sick when having to meet new people and on more than two occasions have thought about running away or killing myself, to save my Mum the hassle and embarrasment of walking around in public with me. I really want to stop picking, but since my mum went to her job in Los Angeles for 5 months and a half, when I was 10, I have have moved on to picking other areas of my body, until I bleed, such as my arms, hands, legs and back, leaving horrible scars that are obviously seen, when I'm wearing T-Shirts, or I'll look down at the scars in the shower and cry, wondering if the scars will ever go away, or if I'll be stuck like this forever... People have tried to help me in the past, but this just finishes with an argument or me, angry or crying till I have no tears left and end up feeling useless. When I visited my mum in America she asked me, what these large scabs and marks were doing on me, I lied and said our new cat had been scratching me. She believed it for a while, but then soon after, found out the truth. Now lying has become an occasional thing that I do and my aunt hates the fact that I lie and now permanately thinks that I'm 'Chloe the Liar', this breaks my heart everytime I look at her, because I think, it's my fault she doesn't trust me or act so kind towards me anymore, it's my fault she is upset or annoyed with my lies. It's me. I'm the problem. If you have even gotten this far in my paragraph before I babble anymore, I would just like for anyone to leave comments at the end of this forum, on 10 easy steps of how to stop picking before the end of 2012. Because by 2013, I want a fresh clear face, that makes me feel happy and raises my confidence, I don't want to be the girl, neglected and hiding in the shadows anymore, I want to show myself for who I am, feel as pretty as my best friends and look as good as them everyday, have a decent boyfriend before I'm 60 and feel comfortable in my own skin, standing out from others and not feeling stressed or depressed any longer. I found this sight and it raised something off my shoulders, possibly the fog of not finding an escape to the habit I have, but now I do and feel better that there are other people out there like me, who pick, but help get each other through it. So please help me to stop and feel as beautiful as I once was, before I was 10, before I ruined my life and will power took control lowering my self esteem. I just want to be me again and with GCSE exams coming up, I get more stressed and pick, lying to my mum about it. I know lying isn't the answer and a pang of guilt hits me everytime she believes my lies and says she's proud of me. I just think, what the fuck am I doing? I can't do this! Lie to my own mother!! But since it has become a habit, I need help and I need to stop. No offence but I have already tried councelling and it didn't work, one thing I do, do is, cover up the mirror in the bathroom with a towel, so that I am focused on whatever I am doing and leave the bathroom freely, without having the sensation to pick at all. Kind Regards, Chloe xxx And thank you to those, who read this and hopefully find it in there hearts to help. I will try to help you all too and maybe the cover up trick I do in the bathroom, may help some of you out there too. Thank much! :')
6 Answers
March 14, 2012
Chloe, just wanted to add my best wishes to you. you sound a really lovely girl with a lot going on at the moment. - try to reach out to others, your aunt and mum when you can and sometimes there is a school nurse or young persons centre where you can talk about your feelings regarding your mum, skin, etc. these people can be very sympathetic - try to keep talking and then you wont feel alone. i have a daughter your age and i know there is so much stuff to deal with. you are at the right place here and the people on this site understand and we are all in this together. keep strong :), keep posting and the reaching out is a great step. well done chloe. Really great about your success with covering the mirror - if this works keep doing it, great start.x - we are with you :) You have asked for some tips on stopping, suppose best i could offer is keep posting and surround yourself with good friends, people you trust. it helps to be honest around feelings and it sounds as if you are trying hard with this aspect. there are lots of young people on here and im sure you will connect with them too.xx
March 14, 2012

In reply to by cleanandsparkles

Thank you, so much for your kindness and care! I really feel as though you have encouraged me to be a better person and try to look for others ways to avoid the situation.You are right, honesty is the best way to get help and feel comforted! I hope you are dealing with the way you cope with picking, better than me and best wishes to your daughter! Thanks again xxxxx :D
March 15, 2012

In reply to by CC8999

you are so welcome chloe. hope you are feeling ok today. did you feel a little 'lighter' after typing out all the above feelings? i hope so. it seems to me as if you are very insightful as you have poured out how you felt deep inside sometimes - that is a very brave thing to do. Other people, of all ages will relate to your feelings too and this could help them feel less alone as well. :) My own picking has stopped now and i would say it was not one thing, it was lots of ways that suddenly all came together and worked. Posting regularly on here was a huge help as it helped me to think things through as i typed. i suppose it reinforced my determination to stop and how much it had spoilt so many opportunities. Also chloe, each time i logged on i saw i was never alone with the issues of skin picking it seemed to remove most of my shame i had felt about myself. I am a huge fan of fruit and veg as they seem to change the look and texture of the skin within hours of chomping them (I have to disguise them for my daughter in pasta sauces sometimes! :). - Lots of exercise and fresh air too. im not saying these are the answers chloe, but in addition to my note to you yesterday, these positive improvements start to add up and the more positive we feel, the more possible it is to create an awareness of catching ourselves before we pick. hope you have a great day today. :) p.s i will send your good wishes to my daughter from you too, thanks xx
March 21, 2012
My name is Chloe too! and I started picking around the same time! but putting a towel on the mirror doesn't really help me because I look at my arms or legs and then do it anyways. :(

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