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Shpadoinkle , 16 Mar 2012

How I'm Healing

Okay. So I've been a skin picker nearly all my life but my back is, by far, my most troublesome area. For over five years I've been unable to where tank tops, backless dresses, low collared shirts, or bathing suits. My back is always covered in raw, bloody sores. My finger nails always have dried blood underneath them. I'm always throwing out shirts because of the bloodstains on the back. I do a lot of theater and so I'm constantly having to undress in front of others backstage. I always have to keep my back to the wall. The other week, I was in a short film and had to where a tank top for a scene. Although it was a shot from the front, I knew the film crew could see my horrible mess of a back and I was completely mortified. Enough is enough. I'm NOT going to spend another summer with a t-shirt over my bathing suit. I want to wear cute sundresses and lie out tanning like a normal girl my age (23). So, I've decided, I AM going to get better. Here's my routine that I've been doing to help heal my back and break this horrible habit. 1. I wear gloves. Not all the time but times when I know I'll pick more (going to bed, watching TV, driving to work, etc.) 2. I keep my nails short and file them. 3. I use an St. IVES APRICOT SCRUB on my back every day and a moisturizing soap. 4. I soak in hot water. It's amazing what hot water does. I lie in the bathtub and the scabs and dry skin become soft and can be RUBBED off. It's important not to PICK them off. If a scab is rubbed off in the tub, I don't bleed and it's a scab that I wont be picking at later. All that is left is a pick sore. 5. BANDAIDS. I use jumbo Bandaids to cover large areas. I cover the sores in neosporin before bandaging them. I may have up to eight different bandaids on my back but at least I can't pick. 6. NEXCARE TEGADERM. They are these clear sticky bandages that go right over the skin. They are super flexible and transparent. They stay on really well too and cover a large area. They create pockets of moisture over the sores and allows the skin to breathe. They are completely waterproof (so you can where them in the shower or pool) and they come off painlessly. They're GREAT. Best of all, they are completely clear so you can monitor your progress. 7. When I get ready for bed, I take off the Nexcare bandages (I just think it's good to let the skin breathe as much as possible) and I rub.... 8. GOLD BOND ULTIMATE HEALING LOTION into my back. It contains Aloe and has Vitamin C which promotes skin development and collagen formation. It's specifically made for "problem skin." After I message it into my back, I put on my bedtime gloves and go to sleep. I sleep shirtless and try to sleep on my stomach so that my back gets as much air as possible. 9. I work on a computer so I obviously can't wear gloves at work. the Nexcare bandages keep me from picking at work but if I don't have any of those on, sometimes is helps just to gently RUB or FEEL the skin (for me, personally, anyway). But I can't always trust myself no to pick so i wear the Nexcare as much as possible. I've been following this routine for a little over a week now and the results are AMAZING. I don't have any more scabs. NONE. Now, I have a bunch of pink spots on my back. Best part: It's not raw skin. It's NEW skin. The lotion helps the healing process tremendously. My skin is soft and the pink is slowly fading into my natural skin color. I'm hoping it will also minimize the appearance of scars. Bottom line: My back hasn't looked this good in over 5 years. It doesn't hurt to scrub my back in the shower anymore. Also, my newfound pride and confidence are an excellent incentive to keep from picking. When I reach my hand back now, it's only to feel the progress and smoothness of my skin. So I'm doing well now. It's a process and I'm very happy with the results I'm seeing. TRUST me. Read my topic "My Story" and you'll understand that if I can do it, so can you. :-)
2 Answers
March 20, 2012
Yes! We're in this one together. I haven't picked for over four weeks, but while I was picking, my shoulders, back and chest were my favored areas. I'm going to go ahead and post this photo of myself.... I want to see just how bad I am. But It really pleases me to read this... my back is awful, awful, awful and we'll heal together.
March 22, 2012
Congratulations! I am so happy for you! I am on day 6 with no picking, and i feel like i've conquored this. I too was so unhappy about not being able to wear tank tops, skirts, hair pulled back...and after educating myself about CSP, i stopped doing this harm to myself. For me though, I taped pictures of my worst face full of scabs as a reminder of what I was doing, and it's a gret incentive. I taped it to the 'crime scene' bathroom, where i normally pick, and i haven't done it since. Also, since my skin started to heal for the first time ever, I finally feel so happy and confident, I smile more, feel more open, lighter, freer....and this too is a gret motivation. I want to keep feeling ao positive and stop being so ashamed and embarrased and mortified about how I look. There is definitely hope for us all, i think we all just need to hit the bottom so that our desire to change overpowers the desire to pick. Love, SC

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