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skinematic , 09 Apr 2012

Ay yi yi.... I'm in deep...

Hey all. Found this forum about a year ago and never bothered to sign up, I figured I would just keep fighting it on my own until it went away. I'm 22, about to turn 23. I've been picking since I was like 17 from acne but now I don't even hardly get acne but I pick at either pores or small ingrown hairs or even sometimes just shit I make up in my head. Pretty much all on my face, upper arms, back and shoulders, bum, sometimes genital area but that's rare, altohugh i do have a couple scars down there that really reallyr emberassing. I have never seeked help and don't really ever want to seek help because i think they will just tell me to get cognitive therapy and I really really do not want that and do not think it will work with my personality. I also don't want to come across as a drug seeker (althought to be honest I think I should be a perfect candidate for a xanax perspricption, I don't want to ask doctors for drugs and i don't really want to be on drugs). The thing is, it comes in waves. I'll be okay for a month or whatever but then I'll be really bad for a couple months. Then i'll be good for a month again and boom right back into it at some point. I'm posting right now because the last couple of days have been especially bad.. I've destroyed my face. I have school this week and don't know wtf i'm going to do. I'll probably just go anyways with practically open wounds on my face (there are 3 really really bad ones probably the size of a quarter or so that have barely even scabbed yet, I'm not f*cking touching them...and lots of little ones) and try hard to just not think about it / not care but I know it will be on my head the whole time (god... pun not intended). I don't know how i've developed this very very strange sickness but I'm f*cking sick of it. It is a terrible cycle that I would never expect anyone to understand and the people on this forum seem to at least get it to their own degree and that's awesome. Some of us do it just a little bit and others have it really bad like myself but I think what we all have in common is wtf are we supposed to fight this thing... I know the obvious answer: stop picking. In reality this is also the correct answer, but it's so much easier to just say that and try that than it is to actually not do it over extended periods of time. One big problem I have now is that after 6+ years of doing this, i've gotten surgically good at it. In 30 seconds i can do as much damage now as I would have done in 5 minutes a year ago. That scares me. I know i need to go outside and get excercise and eat healthy and all that but it's so hard being a student with a shitty job and no money.. I do have a lot of friends and am actually pretty social, I know enough people that I can get away with not seeing anybody and people will just think I'm busy with other people, which is nice... If i didn't pick i would be infinitely more social, and that bums me out. Anyways If anybody wants to talk or give advice I'm open to suggestions, it would be nice to talk to other people who at least kind of understand what I'm going through hear...
4 Answers
April 09, 2012
aw... my paragraphs didn't paragraph... and I pressed submit before realizing I spelled "here" as "hear"... and there is no edit button .... :(
April 12, 2012
It sounds like we are on the same page with this issue completley. I am 23 and believe I have been struggling to some degree with this issue since middle school but never realized it was an acutal problem until recently. I am the same way about the 30 secs can destroy. I think now that i know its a problem i feel the need to do it fast and sloppy before i realize im doing it. I personally don't want to see a therapist becasue I think, for me at least, its a matter of kicking the habit now that I know its a problem. I am not insecure, not self destructive, have very healthy lifestyle, great social life, love my job, and yet that doesn't make it any easier to stop. Things that have helped me- I personally have very the skin type that doesn't dry out and requries very little moisturizing. Hydrogen proxide as a toner sounds werid, but I like it becuase it gets rid of those small pimples that are actually more in your head or forming zits with a satifying bubble. It exfloiates and you can watch it visibly clean your pores rather then squuezing them. It has even brought new zits to head and popped them. It isn't great for areas that have already scabbed as it slows healing- but honestly its way better then repeated picking. Avoid eyebrows cause it does bleach. That being said- now that my face is flawless (which is huge) I have transfered my picking to sholders and chest which are always visible- sucks :(. I have started recording each time on my work comp or phone and hope that becoming more aware of it will cut down. Well see. Also im the worlds worst speller so sorry for any/the many errors
April 12, 2012
Hey Skinematic, I just want you to know you're not alone. I'm 24, and I've been picking since I was about 15. It started off just a little hear and there...over squeezing a pimple...picking dry skin. But as I got older I became obsessed. I spend 20 minutes picking the same spot on my face, and half the time there really wasn't anything there to be bothered by. One almost invisible zit turned into a dime sized sore. I dont know why this is happening to me or how to stop. I want to stop and I tell myself to cut it the f*ck out every single day...but its like I go into a trance every time I do it. My head is saying "What the hell are you doing?!?" but my hands just keep going until I look like a complete monster. And I feel like its a vicious cycle because every time something important in my life comes around I say to myself, don't pick you have to look good for this event, but the anxiety and the build as the event gets closer makes me pick horribly. My best friend is getting married this weekend and I couldn't even restrain myself to look good for her wedding. Now I'm going to have 4 nasty sores on my chin for her special day. I feel awful because I am embarassed to go and show my face, and I feel even more awful because I feel like I've let her down. But I don't know what to do because I seriously can't control it. Like you, I don't think therapy is going to work for me and I really don't want to be on drugs. I know it might seem silly, but being on drugs makes me feel like I'm totally f*cked or something....but I guess I am kinda f*cked up since I can't stop hurting myself. It's hard. I'm not sure what I can do. But, talking about it and spilling to people who are going through what I'm going through helps.
April 14, 2012
I know what you mean about the school and no money thing. I keep thinking that when I graduate, get a job, and my own place, that this will be over.....

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