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blynn , 10 Apr 2012

starting over day 1

I am starting over again! I sometimes wonder how many start overs I will give myself? remembering the last time i had a picking session the feelings of regret and failure i felt just don't remind me enough not to stop! Just when my skin was healing I was on Day five and then I was thinking just one little spot no big deal..........hour later of picking. if I do one then why not the rest of spots I have had my eye on. I have always read this forum but today I will use this as my place for thoughts and feelings. I know I can stop, I use to be a nail bitter since grade school i would do good for awhile and then bite everything off, till my nails hurt and bleed......i finally stopped one day and occasionally chew a nail here and there. So some how I know it is in me to stop skin picking, my face, arms, knee area, I look at pictures and think wow i really do have nice skin, I am just creating a problem because of anxiety, depression, perfection things I have self diagnosed and trying to learn why i am doing and feeling this way. I will stop and hope i can relate or help someone else i have felt a lot of similar feelings on here and am glad to know I am not alone.
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blynn
April 18, 2012
I did pretty good I had picked 2 days after the first post and then went a whole five days and then slipped. I only picked light on the face and then i picked my body everywhere. I know it could have been worse. I find my self picking at night. I felt the pre picking feelings and warnings but ignored them and went ahead and did it and once I start I just give up and think oh well. The next day waking up realizing what I have done is the hardest thing i usually sleep in and don' t want to look in the mirror I am so disappointed in myself and I am trying to put my feelings on here to help me get a hold of this. I am here to start over again and I know I can do this, recognizing my thoughts or light picking at anything sets off triggers for the big pick. Some things that help my skin when I have picked: (This is my opinion and what I have tried) If I have had a bad pick afterwords I wash my face and have a mixture of sea salt and water a product from clarisea, and then I put diaper rash cream on my face one that is the highest in zinc oxide this helps keep the redness down, to wipe of I use warm water and a wash cloth and get the rest off with a facial soap. I am going to try my best and am grateful I have a place where I can read and relate. here I go again, I want to get further then I was before.
blynn
April 21, 2012
waking up today and just feeling an off day........I am trying to get going to work out but i slowly creep to the mirror and pick one and then i kept going back in and finally just gave in. and it helped relive stress and pressure I felt for a brief moment I was ok with what I was doing but I know better and know it will ruin my whole day and it did. I can't get over that I do this to myself I am so hard on myself when this happens, I tear myself down and focus on every thing i hate about myself.....witch makes me analyze how and why did I get here. I grew up in a small town moved there in 8th grade and basically went through some hard times self esteem issues, being called really hurtful names and really had some hard experiences through out my high school years. witch is when i started picking not knowing what I was doing would ever become serious, My mother also would try and pick all of us kids if we had anything on our arms back etc. and I would often see her picking my dad. So I guess this seemed normal at the time Now I know this is a serious problem for me it becomes a stress reliever or just a time to zone out and hash out sometimes old regrets I can't forgive myself for but i struggle with depression anxiety self image perfectionism and when i pick all this intensify because i am so tired of starting over because of the healing process and just mentally trying to get stable again to be strong enough to keep myself from my own self what a cycle. I am once again starting over again and Its some times hard to get on here and express myself, days like today I shut down completely........
Jackydee
April 18, 2012
The exact same thing just happened to me today I was on day 5 saw a little spot and was like meh this won't do anything but I find that once you give in to one it becomes one more and one more etc so bam after that one spot I was eventually covered in many more -__- so yup time to restart for me. I feel the exact same way but yes we can do this! :)
CC8999
April 23, 2012
Wow! You sound just like me when I first met this site, great to know that you feel you are not alone and are setting targets for yourself, well done, I'm rooting for you!! :)

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