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laribob , 26 Apr 2012

So glad I'm not alone

After almost a year of picking at my arms uncontrollably and not being able to stop and not knowing why I was doing it I have had enough! I started looking online and discovered I have KP. I have always had bumpy blotchy redness on the backs of my arms and was told when I was young it was from an imbalance in my diet. I am so glad to have discovered what it really is but that only answered the question of why I had the bumps. The other question was why I couldn't stop picking. I have always picked at things. When I was a kid my mom would make me wear jeans all the time(even through the 100+ degree Texas summers) because I picked scabs and everything else like crazy. I had the same issue in high school when I was under stress. I picked at things on my thighs and hidden places so no one would ask me about it. Now I'm 23 and have a 1 year old son and can't stop picking. I know that I pick more when I'm stressed and home by myself with the kid. There have been days that I spend his whole nap or hours upon hours at night picking and the whole time I'm sitting there telling myself I need to stop, I'm wasting my life, and all the other things that seem to go through the heads of everyone with this horrible issue. I do the bargaining of just 1 more and I'll stop and we all know that never works because that 1 wasn't a good enough 1. I don't have to tell those of you who have given birth that your body image is shaken enough from the deformations of pregnancy. But to add this on top of it makes me feel like my body is completely disgusting. I feel embarrassed for my husband to see me without everything covered up. All this only adds more anxiety and causes more picking. It's a vicious cycle. We pick because we're stressed or anxious which only makes us more stressed or anxious because now our arms or other areas are covered with embarrassing scabs. I'm so ready to break this cycle and am glad to know I'm not the only one out there battling this issue. I don't know about the rest of you but I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone I know about it because they don't understand. I think that just knowing that you aren't the only one and seeing that there are other people who feel the same way you do is empowering and encouraging. I no longer feel so defeated and alone because now I have all of you :-) Let's kick the habit dammit!
2 Answers
April 29, 2012
You are never alone. I've picked myself into a trance enough times to completely understand where you're coming from. I don't have children but I can relate to everything else that you've written (and I'm only 24!) - I feel embarrassed for my boyfriend to see me in the morning (I mainly pick my face, but also sometimes my arms, legs, etc.) so much that I get up before him in the dark to change my makeup and try to cover up everything. I keep telling myself that I'm going to stop, that I can do it, and that it's such a silly habit but telling myself never works the way that I want it to. I'm so glad that there is a forum out here like this for people who are going through the same thing that we are - I think a support system is one of the most important things for us to have. I'm ready to break this cycle too, we can help each other. :)
May 02, 2012
Il know the feeling! I discovered this site 2 days ago and feel so releived. I have an anxiaty disorder and have been picking since the age of 11, I am now 41:( I have been on some kind of medication pour the past 20 years because of it. Four years ago I started seing a psychologist for my familly problems ( I have 3 boys, 1 with ADHD and 2 with Autism). He was the first professional person I ever talked to about my picking. It was a release and I stopped picking completely:). Familly stress has been a big part of my problem since the begining:( Then this past march after the stress of a week long familly vacation my anxiaty went up again, so much so that my medication had no effect. I started picking again furiously:( and have been for the past 2 months. I even lost 27 pounds because of my anxiaty:( My doctor is working hard to find the proper medication and I am on a waiting list to see a psychologist hopefully soon. I beat this problem once I can do it again. But I takes a lot of work on yourself and patience. You need to learn how to love yourself, and that is not easy. But I must admit just realising that I am not alone is comforting.:)

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