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skreed29 , 30 Apr 2012

here is my story, i need your support now

i have been a consistent skin picker since age 10. i am now 18. the only thing that has changed over the years is the extremity of my picking, and there doesnt seem to be a real pattern that i can describe to you but i have had worse and better times with it over the years. i suffer from ocd, bdd, and obviously csp. my older brother does too. my parents do not and have never. i remember being very young and making such a mess of my face, i would cry and beg my mom not to make me go to school. in middle school i got bangs, and for a while mostly kept the picking to areas that the bangs could hide when i was around people. i also started picking at other places on my body at this point. in highschool, i kept my picking under control with the bang method for a while, but it started getting worse mid junior year, and was as terrible as it had ever been my senior year. at its worst, my face was probably 95% covered in scabs, scars, and wounds. since highschool i have moved out of my parents house, now living in an apartment with my boyfriend. the picking has gotten less and less devastating since i graduated from highschool, but still has a lot of influence on my life. my boyfriend is the only person who i let see me without makeup now, and i dont even like doing that. i was picking every 1-3 days, up until recently, and am now 10 DAYS CLEAN OF PICKING!!!!!!!!!!! which is a wonderful accomplishment for me, i havent not picked for 10 days probably since before i started picking. im trying so hard to break the compulsion. the healing process is very difficult and annoying, and its sometimes heartbreaking to see the scars that i know will be with me forever. right now is the time where i need suport from people who are in the same boat as me more than ever. we can help each other! and keep each other updated about how well we are doing. here are some things that have helped me that could help you too; - when my boyfriend leaves, and i stay home, he takes all the bathroom lightbulbs with him (which for me, since im only a mirror picker, almost completely takes away my stress and fear that i will go to the bathroom and pick) - imagine that there is a forcefield keeping you from getting too close to the mirror, and if you do lean in to close, make yourself feel guilty for it. you werent supposed to do that. - keep your fingernails painfully short, and remind yourself why you have to do that, because you cant trust yourself while you are cutting them - think about how you never know when you could see your celebrity crush on the street, and wouldnt be a shame if you felt so bad about the way you looked that you couldnt approach them? you have to look your very best everyday! i really hope there is something helpful in here for you. lets make friends and support each other through this, and in case you ever doubted it, each and every one of us has the power to get through this, and if we want it bad enough we could never pick again starting right now. there is room and love in my heart for every single one of you, so please please post here.
1 Answer
April 30, 2012
Congratulations on your 10 days without picking!!! I have been picking since the age of 11. I am now 41 years old. I am a mom of 3 boys ( 1 with ADHD and the two others with Autism).I work part-time and I am lucky too have a wonderful spouse. I have a severe anxiaty disorder, diagnosed 15 years ago. Four years ago with the help of a wonderful therapist I was able to stop picking all together. It was a great accomplishment for me. But then 2 month ago something changed in me. After a week on familly vacation my anxiaty was super high and I starded picking again and have even lost 27 pounds as a relut of my ecessive stress. My picking is bad, even when it hurts I pick. I have scabs on my but, thigs, breasts, very little on the face, and some on my arms. I am ashamed of what I do but I know that with proper therapy and the right doze of medication it can be beaten. It just takes time and a lot of work. You also nead to love yourself and il you are like me ( fat, and whith scares) it is very hard. I am on a list to see a therapist, but it could take time ( I live in Quebec, Canada where you need to wate for public services). I am curently on a 2 month brake from work so that I can feel better, reduce my anxiaty and regain some energy. Living with this disorder is tough but doable. What I find hard il the look of horror ont peoples faces when you actually show them de dammage the picking does. The first time I showed part of my breast to my doctor he was horrefied. I was so ashamed but it was neccessary il order to get the proper help. Be brave and strong you can get trrought this. Just take it one day at a time. Talk about it to someone you trust and that realy cares about you. Keeping it hidden can make things worst. Good luck.

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