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cassis3 , 02 May 2012

Do you know what started it all?

I started picking at he age of 11. I come from an abusive familly. I suffered physical and mental abuse from a very young age ( spanking, slapping, wipping, silent treatment). Then at the age of 11 , I was rapped by my babysitter, he was 19. On average 3 to 4 times a week for 6 months. I was terrified and told nobody and kept my secret hiden inside of me for 11 years when finally the nightmares started. I went to see a special therapist for 1 year and in a way got over my terrors but unfortunately not my picking:(. Not long after that I was diagnosed with anxiaty disorder. Life has not been easy for me but I have had good thing happen. 17 years ago I met a wonderful man ( after 4 bad boyfriends) and we became a couple 3 years later. We have 3 boys, the oldest has ADHD and is medicated and the 2 others have Autism.) Life with children il not always easy but when they have problems it makes it even harder. Everyday is a challenge but we get throug it. My anxiaty disorder with the picking just makes it harder for me. 4 years ago I went to see a therapist to cope with some of my stress at home and was able to open up about my picking. I was a relief and I was able to stop. But 2 month ago after a holiday my anxiaty acted up and the picking began again. I beat this problem once I can probably do it again. But it takes time, energy ( that I have very little of at this time). I know that I am not to blame for this problem, but I can't change my past only my futur. I love my spouse and our kids they are my life, I just need to re-learn how to love myself again. So how did this problem start for you?, Do you know?

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