my progress


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July 29, 2012

i have been eating kind of crappy lately because i have been busy, not even having time to go home and eat sometimes so im sad about that.. and also not feeling as good as usual physically. today i really need to just eat foods that make me feel good and let myself detox haha. im hoping ill feel better tomorrow and will get through today with no picking. when i feel crappy im more likely to pick so im scared. im excited to get back on track though (: big plans friday and i hope i can be even more healed by then. my face at this point looks suprisingly good with no makeup.. from a distance. its more even, but not so good texturally. doesnt look much better when i am wearing makeup ): i need to clean today and workout and cut my finger and toenails ! after i do all that i think i will be safer from picking and also feel a lot better (:
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July 29, 2012

Sarah I think you will feel better after doing those things. They always help me. And tomorrow is a fresh day..plus lots of days away from Friday so plenty of time for more healing. Hang in there..we've got your back.
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July 29, 2012

thank you (: hope you are doing well
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July 29, 2012

finally worked up the energy to workout and i am so glad i did (: my day has turned around (: starting to feel really good again
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July 29, 2012

i always like to add healthy new elements to my diet and i think i found a new one ! i got a half liter water bottle, opened it, drank a big gulp so there was some extra room in the bottle and then added some honey, about 1/8th of a teaspoon of cayenne powder and the juice of a freshly squeezed lemon. i know that cayenne is good for digestion, lemon is super cleansing and the honey just makes it go down a little easier. even though there are a bajillion health benefits of honey. its not the greatest tasting concoction but its so energizing and refreshing. i think from now on i will do this first thing in the morning ! (:
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July 29, 2012

also i have been making an effort to incorporate a little bit of dark dark chocolate (90% cocoa) daily
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July 30, 2012

i picked at 4 spots ): then i stopped myself. i feel guilty though.. like really. im depressed tonight ): i need to get over it
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July 30, 2012

doing well today but im breaking out on the sides of my chin. probably has a lot to do with pms but still very difficult an annoying.. i had to exfoliate this morning to keep myself from relapsing. i like to keep exfoliation to wednesdays and a saturdays but i had to today, it was an emergency and it saved me. also lately, i started using honey as a face mask but something i find helpful is just keeping honey on my face the whole time i am awake at home with no makeup on !
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July 31, 2012

this evening i picked at 3 spots.. then i stopped. im mad, but im glad.. my face is so broken out. i dont know how i am handling it, but i hope this is the final round of healing and that my skin really really starts to improve finally. im starting to see some of the scars that will be left behind on my cheeks, and its depressing.. when im feeling really vulnerable it makes me think i might as well just stop trying to quit.. but i know that if i dont stop much much more damage will be done. i see these people with just perfect flawless skin and i get so jealous and sad ): because i know i will never really be comfortable without makeup.. but i have to do what i can now ! hopefully tomorrow will be a better feeling day for me
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July 31, 2012

today doesnt feel very much better.. i think im just experiencing the hardest part of my healing process. i soo hope this gets easier soon.
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July 31, 2012

i picked at 1 spot. hoping hoping hoping so hard that thats it for today
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August 01, 2012

Poor Sarah :( But try to stay positive. If your skin isn't completely healed by Friday, make-up will make up for it :) just remember, people see the whole of you - not just your face. I'm sure your body is in good shape since you work out so much, so you should feel happy about that. And people appreciate your compassion and kindness. We care a lot more about our skin than other people do. Forgive yourself for the little slip-ups you've made. You have your health and you will overcome this thing in time. We all will! We just have to keep at it and not give up. It doesn't feel fair that we have to live with this condition. But at least on this site there are people who can relate to our experiences. Your honey & lemon concoction would be so cleansing for your skin and body. You'll be in great health for a lot longer than most people!
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August 01, 2012

i think im finally seeing some healing happen (: it wont be healed all the way by friday but im on the right track (: if i can get through another week or so i have this feeling that everything will be so much easier and happier. im so excited !!!
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August 01, 2012

feelinng a little bit better today (: that doesnt mean i dont need to be careful.. but im happy to be not so depressed.
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August 02, 2012

i picked this morning at 5 ish spots and im mad and sad ): im glad that i didnt have a full on session, but i feel as guilty as if it were one. i washed and moisturized my face and im gonna try to go back to bed, wake up in a few hours and restart the day...
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August 02, 2012

feeling better ! i havent had a serious session in like 10 days, when i pick a few spots i stop myself ! i believe that takes strength and i am proud and im healing (: i had a revelation recently. i have always struggled with my body image and done crazy things to try to make myself look totally not like myself. the other day though, i decided i just want to be the best and healthiest version of me. i have been desperately trying to look like beyonce when i am just much more kate beckinsaley by nature. even though beyonce is the PERFECT woman, kate beckinsale is very very very beautiful in an elegant and different way, and so am i (: (:
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August 04, 2012

yesterday was a busy day, didnt even have to time to post ! so i certainly didnt have time to pick (: im seeing serious healing finally.. like i get excited to go to bed and then in the morning look and see how much better my face looks ! i am so excited and optimistic. in the past 8 years, i cant think of a time where i didnt have to worry or be insecure about some part of my body because of my picking, but im starting to finally feel free (: maybe for me, picking is going to wind up being something i grow out of... *knock on wood*. im being very optimistic about the future
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August 04, 2012

picked at one spot and then stopped. i dont feel guilty, i feel proud (: it was so easy to stop.
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August 05, 2012

last night i picked at 4 more face spots and then 2 spots on my right thigh. i am mad about it but niko told me that if i didnt pick at all for 2 weeks i would probably be all healed and i think hes right. so im gonna try with all my might to keep my hands off for 2 weeks, starting today.. and see what i wind up with ! and, if i am successful, i get to buy new clothes (: shopping is better than a food reward because it doesnt make me feel crappy and guilty (: i hope someone joins me in my 2 week challenge !
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August 05, 2012

im in a good mood right now. my face doesnt look how i want it to but i know it can soon (: i have been working on doing things that help me accept myself as i am. i havent dyed my hair in almost a year, recently i stopped wearing fake eyelashes.. i just wear foundation, blush and a little mascara only on my top eyelashes now ! also i think i decided i want to stop using my jergens tan lotion. i am ghostly white and freckly by nature with super dark (nearly black) hair. maybe not so appealing to some people but i think its beautiful, and its me ! its so much better to try to be the best version of yourself rather than wasting time trying to be someone else. i think accepting myself as i am will help me in the journey to healing and recovering.
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August 13, 2012

I like the two week challenge.
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August 06, 2012

got through today, thank goodness ! im feeling kind of depressed. really desperate to heal ):
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August 06, 2012

had a rough morning already. i picked off a bunch of annoying skin flake scabby things (that were mostly healed underneath, but some not so much and im still really mad about it. ). atleast i didnt squeeze or dig anything out of my face. that was my main goal. but then.. i wound up having to exfoliate to keep my sanity. feeling crappy and guilty. this is so hard..
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August 07, 2012

Me too. I tried stupidly to try to pick the skin off a scar left from a picking session 2 months ago. Now it is red and raw again. What do you do to get this type of sore to heal? How do you face anyone especially coworkers? I cant stand to have a scab or skin just hanging i have to pick it off thinking it will look bettet which of course it only makes it worse. Right now i am sporting a wonderful bandaid covering cortisone and neosporin. I have been doing this picking for 2 years. They used to heal within 2 days not it takes over 2 months and are only healed enough that i can cover them up. This is destroying my life. I hate going anywhere hide out in my room. Ugh i am so embarressed and ashamed.
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August 07, 2012

got through the rest of yesterday and today is so far so good. i need to reinforce the rules of no looking in the mirror before my morning workout and keeping my distance from the mirror so i dont inspect my face. im going to heal. im going to heal. im going to heal. i want to feel pretty and happy and cozy for fall because its my favorite season ! i want to enjoy it.
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August 08, 2012

staying strong ! yesterday i stopped putting honey in my spicy lemonade and now just drink it bitter. i also stopped with the dark chocolate (even though there is a really insignificant amount of sugar in 90% dark chocolate). so now the only sugary thing i eat is the fruit in my post workout smoothie, but its blended up with spinach which helps it to not spike my blood sugar ! my picking urges have been dramatically less. i dont know if it makes any kind of sense, but im gonna keep with it for a while and see if it holds true.
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August 08, 2012

i just picked at 2 spots on my face.. dissapointing. but not that dissapointing. my picking seems to be becoming much more consious and controlled. lately i feel guilty WHILE im doing it, rather than just afterwards. i think thats a good thing, and i think even with a few minor setbacks its not really messing with my overall healing and i am still on the right track !
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August 13, 2012

Likewise xxx
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August 12, 2012

had a good day, picked at 3 spots.. then another good day and i hope today will be perfect too !
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August 14, 2012

yesterday i picked at six spots... this morning i picked at 1.. and this evening i had a total relapse. i picked for like 2 hours. this really sucks. i am so depressed.
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August 14, 2012

Ok...dont beat yourself up...what is done is done. No looking back. You are beautiful!!! I did the same thing 2 days ago. Also picked a little last night and this morning. But it is a new day and it will be better. I went all day yest. with no make up on a work...very hard...but you know what not one person said anything or treated me any different. I know it is hard but hold your head up - smile and you will feel so much better. Trust me. Hang in there!!!!
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August 14, 2012

thanks (: im trying to emotionally recover still haha. trying not to focus on it, and just have a good strong comeback
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August 14, 2012

today, im fasting. like a wild animal does when its wounded. when your body doesnt need to focus its energy on digesting food (for certain periods of time), it will refocus on healing you. im also not working out today because its not a very good idea when your caloric intake is zero, im kind of stressed out about that but im trying to keep my mind off it. i cant really loose muscle tone in a day, its just an irrational fear. i want to come back strong, so no matter how hard it is.. the only thing i will consume today is water. im taking a 4 week vow not to pick. not even a single spot. im going to do literally whatever it takes. after my 4 weeks are up i hope to be a new person. i want to step back and re evaluate my life and feel good about the progress that i have made. i wanna look deeper in to meditation and self hypnosis because i think those could be helpful tools in this journey. i took the light out of my bathroom and am trying hard to think of something i could use to make a cage around the bathroom mirror.. forcing me to keep my distance so i cant get close enough to pick ! i want to be healed so bad. im scared of the permanent mess that will be left behind when everything is healed though. i have some no fun textural scarring on my cheeks but no matter how disheartening that may be, having a scarred face is better than having excoriated acne and scabs and wounds all over my face so i need to do what i can to get over this. i have a lavender candle burning right now.. will probably do my finger and toenails today and maybe take a hot bath (: i want to be relaxed and at peace with myself and not worrying about my stupid face all the time.
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August 14, 2012

Hypnosis does that really work? Maybe I should try it. Good goals you are setting. I find that I have a hard time eating after I have torn my face up. I have lost 30 lbs in the last 2 months but at the expense of my face:( I would put all that weight back on to just have my face normal again. Keep up the good attitude!!!
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August 15, 2012

im not sure if hypnosis works ! but for me, its worth a shot. i really need to stop picking and heal and get on with my life.. i am 18 and should be living it up right now but i hide at home because im so insecure about my face ! i eat mostly whole, raw foods and i struggle to keep myself at the weight i feel most comfortable so skipping a day of eating is kind of a big deal. but fasting does allow your body to heal faster so i did it ! but i wound up eating around 9 pm so my muscles wouldnt be so weak today so i could workout in the morning like normal, though. my face will never look normal ): its scarred so bad and its depressing because the skin all over the rest of my body is so like.. milky and radiant. because i take such good care of my body, if i didnt ever pick i would probably never have to wear makeup. but oh well, i just have to stop picking now and make the best of what ive got..
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August 15, 2012

no picking yesterday ! not putting makeup on and staying in again today.. and not picking ! i wound up eating last night, but it was like 26 hours after the time i ate before that so i still consider it a fast. i had a baked sweet potato, a handful of walnuts, a grapefruit and some coconut milk. and it was so yummy ! glad that i will be able to workout again today.. and eat. i like to eat. my face is a mess, after i pick really bad i always wind up with these obnoxious whiteheads all over in the places that i picked. it sucks, and tomorrow i have to put on makeup and its going to look so terrible. but im healing now. when i dont pick for 4 weeks im gonna look a million times better. 4 weeks isnt even that long ! im trying to think of something i can do to relieve my mind when im feeling really anxious about my face and wanting to pick so that the anxiety goes away rather than building up. i might use the fasting technique more if i have to, because it makes me so tired and weak i probably couldnt stand up in front of the bathroom mirror and pick if i wanted to.
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August 15, 2012

had a good good workout (: smoothie time !
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August 15, 2012

Good for you! I am just really disgusted with myself I cant even go a day. I look like crap and feel even worse. I cant eat cant sleep. I just don't want to do anything.
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August 16, 2012

i am gonna try to be super sweet and gentle and caring to my face ( and whole body ). i need to treat it like a precious gem. my face is the first impression people get of me so i need it to represent me (: im healthy and pretty and cute and sweet and in 4 weeks i will look like exactly that (:
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August 16, 2012

my face looks so annoying today but i cant do anything about it. i have to put makeup on and just be optimistic and think forward. to when im healed (: and be gentle and careful like my face is worth a lot of money and i dont want to break it. i think the way i eat has a lot to do with my anxiety and also the way i physically treat my body. i dont eat meat (for my health, not for moral reasons), but the day i had the big relapse i was cooking some chicken for niko and wound up taste testing a few pieces to see what else it needed and i think just that made me feel crappy.. maybe just mentally, but i believe my picking and eating foods that i dont feel good about are somewhat intertwined. i used to eat meat on the weekends only but i stopped recently. i do still indulge on the weekends though but only in yummy vegetables and other foods that come from plants like sweet potatos and mushrooms and chick peas (: yum ! i dont eat animal products except for eggs. no gluten and no processed foods.
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August 16, 2012

today is feeling hard, but i wont pick. if i dont pick, i will heal and feel good about myself.. its as simple as that. why does it have to be so much easier said than done ? i need a mirror forcefield !!! i know i have a rough couple of weeks ahead, but to conquer this.. i have to get through this initial healing part at one point or another and if i get it over with now i will be wasting the least amount of my life and enjoying myself and feeling beautiful as soon as possible... come on sarah.. you can do this
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August 16, 2012

its like when i workout and it freaking sucks and hurts so bad that i almost just collapse... but i never give up! because its worth it to me. i consider myself to be a ridiculously strong willed person when i really really want something. but i have trouble with picking. its not fair. im not gonna pick though, i promise.
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August 16, 2012

Hi...my name is melissa and i am a picker! I hurt myself and i promise to not pick anymore!! Neither one of us are liars so lets keep it that way. I tried really hard today. I only destroyed that same stupid spot...it is getting smaller but I just cant seem to leave this one alone. I am strong willed just like you but when it comes to this....I don't know I just turn into a different person. Weak! Are you trying calamine? It does help with the redness. I put some on at night and in the morning it is not so red. The other spots are pretty much gone. I vow today 8-16-2012. I have a jar set aside for every day I do not pick I will but in 1 dollar. My goal is to reach 30 dollars and then treat myself to a pedicure. What do you think of that idea?
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August 16, 2012

Hi...my name is melissa and i am a picker! I hurt myself and i promise to not pick anymore!! Neither one of us are liars so lets keep it that way. I tried really hard today. I only destroyed that same stupid spot...it is getting smaller but I just cant seem to leave this one alone. I am strong willed just like you but when it comes to this....I don't know I just turn into a different person. Weak! Are you trying calamine? It does help with the redness. I put some on at night and in the morning it is not so red. The other spots are pretty much gone. I vow today 8-16-2012. I have a jar set aside for every day I do not pick I will but in 1 dollar. My goal is to reach 30 dollars and then treat myself to a pedicure. What do you think of that idea?
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August 17, 2012

yay (: im so proud of you (: we can soooooo do this (: (: (:
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August 16, 2012

i know even more that i wont pick anytime soon because if i do, that makes me a liar and a promise breaker which i am absolutely not ! i did my makeup.. my face is a mess. scabs and whiteheads and little skin flake thingies everywhere, but despite all that, im still a cutie ! so im gonna talk about what i like about me and hopefully it will help me feel better (: i naturally have this warm dark dark brown (like a shade away from black) hair that i see people try to recreate all the time. but they cant (: because i was born with mine and it just doesnt look right on a lot of people.. and dying your hair is not so good for it, and a pain in the butt because hair dye smells bad and is chemicals on your head and you have to touch up your roots all the time ! my hair is dark and full and shiny and great (: also, i have really really fair, almost ghostly white skin (which is very striking in combination with the dark hair), and it makes me look so sweet and cute i think. some really pale people look sick, but i take good care of my body and my blood is always flowing cause i workout 2x a day so my skin, minus my face, is usually really radiant and milky and plump. i have some very cute and unique facial features. big shiny brown eyes, a cute little baby tiger looking nose, and big juicy lips. and my body is wonderful (: and i have especially nice lady parts and everyone tells me im so soft when they shake my hand or touch my arm. also i have cute toes ! the only thing i would change about me is my skin on my face and my picking
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August 17, 2012

not feeling so good today but im not going to pick. cant wait to get home and get clean and take all my makeup off. im getting through it this time. everytime i pick, its like procrasinating because there is an initial healing process i have to get through once and for all to seriously be on the right track with my face. im not a procrastinator !
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August 18, 2012

I am sorry you are not feeling well today. I was right there with you today could not wait to get home and remove all my markup! It just felt awful today. Good job a leaving it alone ...very proud of you!!! Keep it up!!!
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August 18, 2012

good day so far (: i have an event tonight that i have to go to and im not even scared or upset ! (: my face doesnt look to great but i feel good and i believe that i am always prettier when im smiling (: no matter how my skin looks. and also i just had a beast workout and im feeling so good about my body today. and ive been making my morning smoothie with extra spinach lately, because this is probably stupid but i feel like eating mass quantities of spinach makes my eyes just sparkle and shine like crazy !!! (:
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August 20, 2012

havent posted for the last few days but i havent picked a spot (: last night i ate ice cream !!!!! it was SOOOOOOOOOOOO yummy but eating junk food is a HUGE picking trigger for me, i have been okay so far though. im not going to pick (:

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