my progress


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September 06, 2012

Sarah, its great to hear you opened up to your friend, and like i mentioned in another post, those who love you, dont judge you :) I hope that opening up to her helps with your healing process, seeing her reaction, well, more "lack of'' reaction, is a sign that there are understanding people out there. Im very proud of you, you're one step closer to achieving your goal :) well done :)
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September 06, 2012

im so happy to hear that and i hope you remember that we are in this together (: we both have some hard times to come but we have this forum and the support of people just like us to pull us through ! i think it was so brave of you to post pictures.. i dont know if i could bring myself to do the same and without makeup !!! i admire you ! and i can totally relate to the feeling of getting it off your chest and out in the open. when i showed my boyfriend my un made up face when my picking was at its worst it was a HUGE relief. everyday before that i dreaded the day i would be forced to show him for some reason or another.. but i finally decided i wanted to just show him (i was crying because i was so scared, of course) and he held me and hugged me and didnt tell me to stop crying like he sometimes does because boys just dont understand that if you are crying its because you need to ! and he told me i was still the prettiest girl ever. that experience helped me so much, because that night i realized that he loved me ! even at my very worst, and i didnt have to be scared anymore.
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September 06, 2012

so im a little itchy today.. that just means its super healing time (: i know i am overcoming this..
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September 07, 2012

thats exactly what it means, I have a cream with slight numbing agents in it REALLY helpt with the itching, or GENTLY rubbing over the itch with the sleeve of a jumper. being carefull not to rub too hard so you dont take the top off the spot. :)
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September 07, 2012

so i got too close to the mirror today and did a little face inspecting, but no picking ! (: i hope tomorrow i dont have to put on makeup and can not look in the mirror again all day ! mirrors are not my friend. and then its always exciting the next day when you finally do look to see how much youve healed (: im healing (: im so excited.
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September 07, 2012

today i feel like a pretty girl. not like a monster because of my skin. im healed enough that i dont feel like anyone is going to stare or think im dirty or sick or addicted to drugs !
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September 08, 2012

That's great Sarah. :) I am happy to see you're doing so well. I'm still having a few struggles myself, but I'm noticing little improvements each day. I just can't wait to have clear skin. It's one of the best feelings in the world. Doesn't it feel good to walk around with no makeup and not have to worry?!
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September 08, 2012

Earlier today I got close to the mirror and I picked a little, which I felt bad for, but I can't help it. Whenever I'm in the toilet and I'm washing my hands I'll just be like 'let me just check my face' and then I pick, I hate it! And I always say that I won't but I do, but today I didn't pick much thankfully. At the moment I have a big cystic bump on my chin, it's been there a few days and it's gotten really red. EVERY OTHER time this has happened apart from once I've picked really badly, often using needles and tweezers, causing my face to really bleed and I now have three pit mark scars to the left of my nose from this kind of picking that I don't think will ever go away without LED treatment or something. But basically this one on my chin I'm leaving alone, I'm proud to have left it alone this long but it's getting really difficult because it isn't that big (its a bit smaller than a pea) but it's VERY red and I can feel how hard it is and think of all the gunk in there and just want it out of there. That's where my picking started, wanting to get something off my skin or out of my skin, and thinking this was the best thing to do but it's not. I just hope this bump on my chin goes soon because I want to feel pretty again! Best of luck to you skreed, I'm happy for you! xx
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September 08, 2012

i really just need to heal this time. its all i can think about ! im 18 and i cant let picking rob me of my youth anymore.. i want to enjoy myself and stop being trapped and scared by my own mind ! so im healing (: i promise. i want to be stable emotionally, and i want to be the best version of me possible. i dont want to cancel plans or turn down invitations, or hide behind my boyfriend or feel like crying when i have to be in public ! i just want to finally live (: (: (: (:
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September 08, 2012

I couldn't have said it better myself. :) I'm not sure if you're aware, but I'm only 19 myself. If we can get over this while we're still youthful, we'll have many good years to come.
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September 09, 2012

i picked this morning ): it was really dissapointing but all i can do is move on so thats what im trying to do !! we can do this
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September 09, 2012

i picked really bad and my face is really sore and swollen and im crying.......... why cant i do this ?
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September 09, 2012

okay, im back ! i gotta pick myself back up and get to healing. i was really depressed but im going to eat some yummy and healing foods to drown my sorrows. i didnt workout this morning but im gonna try to tonight because if i go a whole day without i know i will feel like crap. tell me something encouraging !
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September 09, 2012

i want to heal so bad. i dont know why i let this happen today but never again ! i have a life to live !!!!! i feel like when my face looks like this, i shouldnt try to dress up cute or do pretty things with my hair.. like people will just look at me and wonder why i even try when my skin is such a mess. i want to go on dates at fancy restaurants and dress up ! and actually feel like i am the prettiest ! so i need to let myself heal. i hate that everytime i pick im making more scars.. it breaks my heart
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September 10, 2012

Skreed, please dont beat yourself up, dressing up pretty and cute and doing nice things with your hair and going out shows people your proud of who you are and that the spots dont affect you, they dont control you. I say dress up cute! and make your hair look pretty! I know its hard and you feel like the spots make it worthless, but I bet you look alot better then you think! People arnt looking at your skin as closely as you :) they will see your beauty as a whole, not as individual parts of you :) I say stop letting these spots stop you from doing the things you really want to do, take your life back into your own hands :) Im sure you look beautiful regardless of them. :)
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September 10, 2012

im bribing myself not to pick (: probably dumb but it will work !!!! excited to be healed !
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September 10, 2012

im going without makeup for as long as i possibly can.. and only using water on my face in hopes that the healing will go faster this time and i can finally get through it ! i want to heal so bad so i can start working on getting rid of my scars and not be so self consious anymore ! healing is ALL i want right now. i want it so bad that i cant possibly sabotage myself. theres just no way.
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September 11, 2012

im beating it this time! im going to heal because i want to so bad. i know there will be times where im anxious and having to fight myself, but it will be worth it. im done picking (: looking in the mirror as little as possible and putting on makeup as little as possible. i dont want to make anymore scars. if i stop picking now (which i am) i will be healed and my face will be a million times smoother in just a few weeks, and in a few months my scars will be smaller and lighter ! and in a few years i might even be flawless ! i can start enjoying myself and feeling pretty so so soon ! why in the world would i pick when its just setting me back and putting me further and further away from where i want to be ? well i wont anymore. im happy (:
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September 12, 2012

feeling so happy and so alive to be free from picking ! i know that im gonna do it this time !!!!!!!!!!!!!
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September 13, 2012

when my face is in the really itchy stage, since i dont like to put wierd creams and stuff on it i just turn on a fan and sit in front of it. sounds kind of dumb but it feels good and relieves the itch (: you should try it !
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September 13, 2012

Hi :0) I am into my second week of no picking and so far it is going really well! I had a weird thought today though, kind of like 'what am I going to do if I stop picking?' like picking has become such a part of my life that when I have it out of my life it's like losing a jo or breaking up with a boyfriend...does that make sense? Like what will I replace it with?? Just wondered if anyone else though like this? It's been such a big part of my life for the past 5 or so years that I think I will kind of feel lost without it. How else will I cope with stresses and worries if I can't pick my skin?....x
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September 13, 2012

ive thought about it plenty and decided that, once im done with picking (which i now am!!! (: ).. i will spend the time i used to spend picking doing things that i used to be afraid to do because of how i looked. or doing something to improve myself ! being happy and enjoying myself like i rarely used to be able to ! its not at all like breaking up with a boyfriend because it isnt bittersweet ! just SWEET (: i wont miss it at all, it ruined my life and im so glad to be free from it. im not afraid at all of how i will deal with stress in my new pick free life... it will probably be hard at first but i will figure something out. im done mutilating myself and that alone takes away lots of stress from my life (: i cant wait to be healed in a few weeks or a month or so... being done with picking is the most important thing to me, as long as i have control of that, i can deal with everything else
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September 13, 2012

Yeah I really want the freedom to do what I want , when I want! Its more that I am worried what will replace my stress relief, as I don't want to take it out on my skin. Because I am someone that stresses a lot and I would love to change that anyway, but in the meanwhile I would love to find something that gives me the same satisfaction as squeezing if you understand me? Although I do kinda agree with what you said abotut eh picking being a huuuuuggeee part of the stress so maybe I won't find myself as stressy once I overcome this...hmmmmmm....x
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September 13, 2012

Little Love, Think about it this way.. If you had a boyfriend who was treating your horrible, he was stopping you from going places with friends, stopping you from experiencing things in life you've always wanted to experience, making you feel bad about your appearance, putting you down emotionally, Causing embarrassment and making you extremely self conscious and horrible.. Would you feel like your losing something if you broke up with him, Sure, he might have made you feel nice 10% of the time, but for the other 90% you felt like crap. You'd have a bit of an emotional trip, a feeling of being lost and not knowing what to do with your self, but within a week you start to fill that time up with seeing friends and spending quality time with your family, you start to go out places you've always wanted to go, you start to get compliments from young fellas walking past you in the street, or at that coffee shop you go to regularly now, because you no longer feel like you need to hide away.. slowly but surely your confidence builds back up and your time is filled with ALL the things you wanted to do, but couldn't because of that horrible boyfriend.. See your picking as a horrible boyfriend who's preventing you doing all the things you want to do, and DUMP his ass, LIVE your life the way you always wanted too! I can guarantee you wont miss it for long. and if you get the urge to pick, Paint your nails with clear nail polish, nice and thick, even a few coats, but dont buff it before you put in on, when it dries, pick it off.. no one will know you have nail polish on cause its clear, but you get the satisfying feeling you use to get from picking your skin :) Thats what I do when I feel like a pick :) Hope this helps Hun :) x
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September 13, 2012

I'd like to make one kind suggestion I read from another "picker" on here--instead of saying "my face will be healed" say "my face is healed." There is power in changing the statement to the present! Good luck to you, I'm in this battle with you. I'm on day 2 :)
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September 13, 2012

i dont want to lie to myself. but i have decided that im no longer a "picker", and have been constantly reminding myself of it !
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September 13, 2012

Its not lying to your self if you truley believe it :) I'd say your a non picker :)
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September 14, 2012

i am a non picker ! i didnt want to lie to myself and say that my face is already healed when its not ! i know it will be soon though because i dont pick anymore (:
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September 14, 2012

I can understand that, maybe you could tell your self "My face is healing more and more every day" so your still talking in present terms, without telling your self something that is not correct :)
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September 14, 2012

i have been ! i have to remind myself that my face is healing more and more by the SECOND to keep my sanity during this process, haha. im very confident and believe im doing exactly what i need to do to get through it for real this time !
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September 13, 2012

i love myself (: so glad to not be a picker anymore..
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September 13, 2012

im so excited to be healed and take advantage of the potential i have to look so beautiful ! i miss my family and have been putting off visiting them because i didnt want them to see the mess i made of myself. there are so many things i want to do and places i want to go im opening up my whole world by being done with picking (: i cannot contain my excitement !
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September 14, 2012

i have so much hope and im so so glad that i live the healthy lifestyle that i do.. its nice to know that with every squat i squat and with every bite i take, im helping my face heal ! working out and eating right are so important and they seriously speed up healing and make you feel good and even make you less prone to scarring ! when i managed not to pick previously, i had sooo much self respect and now that ive quit for good, i cant even imagine how my self confidence will benefit. most people say that my vegan(except eggs, eggs are the only animal product i eat), gluten/refined sugar/ vegetable oil/ soy free diet is extreme but i disagree.. i think im fueling my body with just what it needs ! im healing every second and im excited to be able to say that i am HEALED. i cant remember the last time i didnt have some area on my body that i picked, but im there now (: and everyday getting closer and closer to where i want to be physically. i love treating my body right and feeling good and energetic as a result ! soooooo excited for the very near future (: (: (: (: (:
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September 17, 2012

My mother is a vegan, has been for 15 years, her skin is spotless, beautiful radiant skin. Im glad to hear your doing so well hun. : ) : ) : )
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September 17, 2012

thanks for the reassurance emmi (: i think if i continue to not pick (which i will, because i quit !) my face will be perfect soon too. i think my face skin is dying to match the healthy pretty skin all over the rest of my body. i occasionally get 1 little zit on my chest or on my back and can usually link it to my period or a special occasion where i ate some ice cream or something. pretty sure the spots on my face are excoriated acne that i have self inflicted because they always pop up within a week of a serious picking session ! i have been pick free for a week and am now seriously healing (: (:
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September 15, 2012

itching like crazy ! but getting by. ive been trying to increase my awareness by thinking about some of my triggers, i think a really important one is feeling alone or uncared for. i have never been close with my family, i moved out when i was 17 and talk to each of my parents probably once a month. i know thats more than a lot of people do but compared to many other 18 year olds who still live with their parents, its not. i have always had trouble getting close to people. at times i have considered myself to have many 'friends', but not many people i could trust or rely on. usually its really just been one person who i let my gaurd down for at a time. right now and for the past 2 and a half years, it has been my boyfriend, niko. ive noticed that im much more prone to pick when we have a fight and he has to leave for work or he falls asleep and there are still bad feelings between us. hes pretty much all i have and at those times, i feel like i dont have him and its very lonely. thankfully that hasnt been happening so much lately (*knock on wood*). he knows i have decided to quit and i told him he needs to be extra nice and love me as much as he can for the next few weeks to help me through this. hes very supportive and such a sweetheart most of the time, but sometimes i just wish he understood more about dermatillomania and ocd. im getting through it this time.. i know i am because i keep thinking about how if i relapse, i will just have wasted a few more weeks of my life and ill have to go through this all over again. its very very difficult but i know it will be so much more than worth it. im healing every second.. the itching meands healing and the worse i itch the faster i am healing (: i have come close to losing my mind a few times, but better that than have a relapse. im going to do this, im going to do this, im going to do this. im so strong and its in my control and i can do whatever i put my mind to. i have been trying to quit for so long, but i guess just trying wasnt good enough. i had/have to just put every single speck of courage and patience and restraint i can muster into DOING it right, not trying. making a serious commitment to improve my life.
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September 16, 2012

i have a job interview this afternoon ! im so excited because i know if i get this job, it will improve my life in so many ways. and most importantly, i will have people i have to see and look pretty for everyday !!! that will such a good motivator not to pick (even though i already quit) and i can buy myself fancy stuff. like i really want the whole cook for the cure collection by kitchen aid ! because its for breast cancer and everything is this sweet pretty shade of pink. it will feel so good to be able to buy it with my own money (: (: (: im too excited. the things i have wanted the most lately are to heal and to have a job, because if i get this job, we will be making almost 2x as much money as before and really wont have to worry about a thing ! and not only will i have more motivation to quit picking, but a lot more time where i dont even have the opportunity to. i will let you guys know later if i got the job or not (: i have really high hopes even though thats probably not very smart haha
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September 18, 2012

i just had a 6 spot relapse.. im mad ): but i have to move on...................... i quit !
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September 18, 2012

feeling crappy today. i could have picked way worse. it was only 6 spots.. i need to remind myself that i was able to stop myself and thats important. i havent been able to make it past a week lately but yesterday was the 8th day, so thats an improvement. and it was only 6 spots ! i want to heal though so i decided that if i make it to a week from today (tuesday. and i WILL make it) i get to order this fancy new makeup i have been wanting. and also i better not pick because in TWO WEEKS from today i decided i want to start my vitamin e scar therapy and i dont think thats a good idea with open wounds or active breakouts so i better not sabotage myself ! i need some words of encouragement. this is a hard thing to deal with ): i get so mad when i relapse even a little because it makes me feel like i am stupid and worthless and i should just be able to stop. im quitting picking today though. re quitting. i have to put makeup on for a little bit today, but hopefully i can avoid it after that until saturday and get some serious healing done. im giving myself 2 weeks to have no wounds and hopefully no breakouts so i better make the most of it. i know it is a realistic goal for me as long as i really commit to quitting. which i am !!!!
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September 19, 2012

Sarah! Snap out of feeling worthless and stupid! it doesnt help! people have relapses, Hell I havent pick for 7 months now, and the past week ive been picking again.. I have said so many times to so many people that we are only human, its hard to break a habit but YOU WILL get there. and your not "requitting" you have quit, Youve still quit, you are a non picker. relapsing is heart breaking but your only human, please stop beating your self up over this hun. Your doing so great, 6 spots in 8 days, when was the last time that happened in your life? that in its self is an achievement! these things dont happen over night, youve managed to stop your self at 6 spots, so next time, youll stop your self at 5, there is nothing wrong with that. Your still teaching your self new habits, its not going to be a fast easy task, its dificult and its long, but you WILL get there! Keep up your great work! and stop with the self beating! xx
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September 19, 2012

thank you again, emmi (: i got back to my optimistic self after a good workout this morning ! im just excited to heal and keep making more and more progress.
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September 19, 2012

Thats good, Im glad to hear :) Honestly keep up the good work, and the same way you stop your self from picking, stop your self from beating your self down :)
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September 19, 2012

I have been quitting for around 2 or 3 weeks now and over the past few days I have noticed myself slipping. I think it's because i have been really stressed. I am going to be moving out to go bac to uni in just over a week and I want half decent skin! My skin is looking better but I wish it would heal quicker :( I had a little squeeze this morning but that is it now. i am going to keep myself busy for the rest of the day so i am not tempted. I just hate picking it makes me want to stay in all the time and I get so BORED. I know I can do this though!! I will beat it!! Why do I CARE SO MUCH about the skin on my face??? I am perfectly fine with the rest of my body???? So this means I can be fine with the skin on my face too :))))) x
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September 19, 2012

We are all concerned with the skin on our faces, the rest of our body we can hide away if we need to, but because we are all so aware that our face is what people look at while speaking to you or anything like that, we all stress that our skin has to be perfect, when really, people dont notice the little blemishes untill we point them out, even the spots you have now, most people don't even seem them, we need to realise others dont care as much as we do, and what we see when we look in the mirror, is actually an over exadurated version of what everyone else see's. Your exactly right, if your not worried about the rest of your body, whyyy worry about your face :) Good to hear positivity :)
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September 19, 2012

made it through yesterday ! 13 days before scar treatment will commence. im excited. im getting closer and closer everytime. no matter how many times i relapse, its still so worth it to heal. im impatient but will have to get through it (:
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September 19, 2012

I love reading how positive you are :) its GREAT!! keep up the GREAT work Sarah, 13 days of no picking, your skin is going to look FANTASTIC, just remember that if your ever tempted :) hehe.
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September 21, 2012

still doing well (: healing more everyday. i believe its really my turn to kick this !
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September 22, 2012

im happy (: im at a point in my healing where i notice a difference everyday ! everything bad is getting smaller and flatter and i know i will be where i wanna be soon. i really cant remember the last time i let myself heal this much, and its so exciting that i know i wont sabotage myself. im excited to be able to finally move on, and im still young ! only 18 ! by the time im 19 (end of december) my scars will be a lot less significant and then by this summer... i might even be comfortable going to a water park ! i love water parks but havent been to one in years because its so horrifying to let people see me without makeup ! i think i have so much potential to have really beautiful bare skin again on my face because i am so young, and even more because i live such a healthy lifestyle. i cant wait to just feel comfortable and not worry about ANY part of my skin. i really think my skin everywhere besides my face is exceptionally nice and glowy. especially because i love trying out new lotions and basically drown myself in it like 3 times a day ! yesterday i got this cocoa butter body oil because i wanted to see how an oil felt in place of lotion........ i started rubbing it on my leg and it smelled seriously like chocolate. not an artificial chocolate scent, but like real chocolate ! it was heavenly. really soothing and comfy and cozy ! i was just smelling myself for the rest of the night. i havent even had the urge to pick that much lately, keeping the light from above the bathroom mirror out, so when i go to wash my face i cant really see the details of my skin. i only put the light back when i have to do makeup. i also keep a towel over the mirror whenever i can !
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September 23, 2012

so i have been filing my nails down as short as possible lately. to the point where it hurts a little at first, and i cant do a lot of things people normally can do with their fingernails. i dont make myself bleed or anything, its just a gentle reminder not to use my fingernails as weapons against myself ! they are really really short. it doesnt look bad though, i think they are kind of cute this way. and it helps with keeping me consious about not picking ! (:
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September 23, 2012

im depressed today at how my skin looks, even though i havent looked in a mirror today. i wish i could heal faster but i know i cant. im getting through it this time though no matter what because i LOVE the fall and i want to enjoy it and its already starting without me. i have so many reasons not to pick, and i know i wont because i just want to stop so bad. i want to be healed and perfect. i have this feeling like, even though i see people everywhere, everyday with flawless beautiful skin.. when i have it, i will be more magical and angellic looking than anyone else ! my boyfriend told me the other day that i have a gift. he claims that even though i am always the prettiest girl in the world by a longshot, when im happy i get 150 percent prettier. i think this argument is a little bias, but i DO have a very expressive face and when im in a good mood its more than obvious. i notice people checking me out atleast 3 times more often when im happy. haha. its wierd how that works. how your emotions and your state of being can sometimes be so obvious from the outside ! and even sometimes be the difference between a person being seen as ugly or beautiful ! it also makes me believe that your mood has a lot to do with your healing ! ive been putting on makeup and going out lately because i think that forgetting about my skin and laughing and having fun are more valuable to speedy healing than it is to not wear makeup, but sit alone at home and dwell on how horrible my skin looks. its starting to feel like fall, and when i go outside i just get so overwhelmed with how beautiful the earth looks and smells. for me its this nervous excitement (mostly exciting), like you get when you see a boy you have a crush on. its so overwhelming and magical.

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