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I'm 30 and it has become apparent that I hate myself. I've been picking since I can remember. Why else would I pick at my fingers and toes with safety pins and sewing needles? If I try to stop this, I move over to my hair. I split my ends. My hair became so broken that I had no choice but to cut it off. Now I'm focused on my nails again. I try to stop, but when I'm stuck in traffic I have to pick at something and my nails are easiest. Unfortunately I sit in about 3 hours of traffic daily. I've tried putting on fake nails, but when one falls off I rip off all the others. Who cares if I bleed. I won't go get acrylics because I'm afraid of them hurting my abused cuticles and the technicians making fun of me. I self medicate, to the point where I've brought myself to AA, but I pick through the whole meetings. It is apparent that I have a deep seeding hate for myself and I've manifested it through these other bad behaviors. I feel like I've fallen in so far deep and I don't know how to get out of this.I'm hoping someone here can point me in the right direction to help me. Maybe even to a therapist that may specialize in picking. Out of all my issues, picking has been with me the longest and its something I do on an hourly basis. I spend nights alone picking. I find reasons not to do things because I'm afraid someone will see what I've done to myself. I need help.
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