Hello fellow pickers,
I am a 22 yo female. I have been offered modeling jobs for years, however I have never gone to an audition or pursued it, although it is something I would love to do. Most of my friends have never seen me in a pair of shorts, let alone a bikini, although I am 5'8 and 125lbs. Everyone is constantly asking me why I'm always covered up on hot summer days. My legs are covered in scars and sores.
I have been picking as long as I can remember and can't stop no matter how I try. It is worst when I am stressed; I also suffer from depression and anxiety. When I am feeling anxious, I will scan my skin with my fingers for a scab that will "feel good" and will proceed to rip it off and eat it. Once the scab is off I feel a wave of relief. I will then continue to pick until all the scabs are gone and will feel a relaxed sensation. It doesn't last long; it is soon followed by deep shame and depression that I've done it again.
Lately I finally came clean to my fiance about this issue. I feel like everyone "knows" because of my sores, but I had never spoken of it to anyone. Last night I told him I was tempted and he grabbed my hand to keep me from picking. No one has ever stopped me before. The result was the most terrifying frustration and panic I have ever felt. I HAD to touch it. This made me realize just how much I need to stop and how scary this compulsion really is.
Has anyone else had experiences like this related to trying to stop?