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Im ashamed. I need help:/
Hey, I'm 14 and I honestley thought I was the only one that picked at my scabs. I have been picking forever. I don't really remember my childhood but I was beat and raped once. When I was little I didn't have acne so I didn't pick at my face I would pick an scabed knees or elbows, when I started getting acne I started picking it I'm going into 9th grade and I have been picking my face since 7th grade. People are always making fun of me and telling me to order proactive. When people bully me I usually go to a bath room and cry. No one really understands its a habit/disorder. People are always calling me or texting me with rude comments. When someone says something about the scabs on my face it make me want to pick the worse. I am really pretty when my face doesn't have scabs all over it. I just want them to go away and I feel like if I pick them it's like picking it away. I have the tan and blonde hair and brown eyes I weigh 108 but my face is really bad. I hate when people talk about it it makes me feel ashamed. I never really thought of it as a disorder just a really nasty thing I do. When I don't have scabs I love the way I look. When I do have scabs I use so much make up its crazy. I i just wanna be pretty like all the other girls. I just wanna be normal. I'm ashamed. Please HELP me:/
July 01, 2012
Throughout my childhood (since I was 8) and my teen years, I have been a picker. For me acne created twice the battle. Even when I was strong enough to clear up my skin, I'd break out in pimples, which in turn I'd pick. It's a nasty cycle. I know how hard it must be to have people say all of those things. If you're like me, you pick more when you're depressed or anxious, and those people are not making your situation any easier! I know when you have scabs on your face it always feels like picking them off will make that better. That's never the case though, and I know everyone who picks secretly knows this, but our compulsion causes us to throw away all common sense. When I was in high school I think I was lucky. I was quiet and stayed to myself. I know everyone saw what a mess I had made of my skin, but surprisingly no one said anything. You may think my skin was mild, but it was far from. In my earlier teen years I used to develop huge cysts on my chin, which I would in turn create big wounds out of. The more I picked, the more the borders of the wound grew in diameter. I could pick the same spot for months and not let it heal. I eventually went on accutane and after 4 months of treatment my acne had a huge improvement. I hadn't gotten over picking by that point however so my skin was still horrible after most of the pimples went away. The worst part for me was that my ocd led me else where. I started plucking my eyebrows quite routinely a little over 3 years ago, and after I got my first ingrown hair and scab, that was it. I have had months where the entire area under both of my eyebrows was nothing but one huge scab. The worst part for me is that I have to pluck to maintain my eyebrows. I always thought it wasn't true that hair could grow back darker/more course, but I am a believer now. Since I started plucking I have developed hairs that are very out of place and abnormal. I'm sure if I would have had these when I was younger I would have started plucking a lot sooner. I've thought about electrolysis, but for now I am just very careful. In May I had a lady in one of my university classes ask "what happened to your eyebrow?!" This was in front of a whole group of people for some group work we were doing. I tried to shrug it off and said "long story." It really hurt me though and I realized I needed to stop. I am a nursing student and I am aware I will have to face people a lot when I'm done school. If it is the pimples that are your underlying problem, I would suggest trying something such as accutane if you are able to get a hold of it, but just be aware that if you have not dealt with your dermatillomania (which is an anxiety disorder) you may find yourself redirecting your problem. I am not sure how severe your picking is, but as soon as anything starts affecting other aspects of your life it's an issue. I am 19 and still struggling, but I don't want to be in my 30's, or even have kids for that matter, while I am trying to overcome this. I know it's hard when no one understands that this is a disorder. I honestly believe that kids in high school are as mean as mean they get. Usually when people get older they mature and realize what is appropriate/unappropriate to say. What I can tell you is that you're not alone and I believe you can overcome this. If you ever want someone to talk to let me know.