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I Wish I Knew
I'm 17, and I know I have a big problem with picking and scratching at pimples (real and imagined) and scabs, but I want to know why! I just can't wrap my head around what would make me do these things to myself. I keep thinking it might be something my father did to me when I was 13, that made me really uncomfortable and scared; for some reason i can't get it out of my head. Like today my friends were talking about the Freudian Oedipus complex, and I FLIPPED OUT. I started crying while driving the car. I don't think what happened between me and my father was that bad, and it was partly my fault, but if it could cause me this much stress when with people, could it have something to do with my skin-picking? There must be some other factor, like how stressed I am about college and money and the rest of my family. I just don't know anything for sure at this point. Any advice or suggestions?
January 11, 2009
First off, I commend you for having the courage to write in! That in and of itself takes a lot of strength, and it's a huge first step that many people don't manage to take until much much later in life. It's great that you are mature and strong enough to start doing it now!
As for CSP, it is often related to traumatic life events. These can take on many forms, but certainly if someone close to us - a parent or sibling, for example - does not act how they should, that could be a trigger for CSP. CSP is often a response to stress and a way to lessen anxiety, if only for a short time (then we have to do it again, and the cycle begins). No matter what happened with your father, though, the fact is that if you were 13, as you say, then there is no way is it your fault. At 13, you are the child, and your parents are the adults. You are not to blame for their mistakes, whatever they may be. If what happened was something that continues to bother you, then there is a good change that it is connected to your CSP. At the same time, applying for college, worry about money, and other concerns can also be contributing - once the cycle of skin picking begins, there can be many reasons that it continues. It often boils down to many things, not one thing.
I would strongly suggest that you seek a qualified therapist - someone who can help you sort through what might be causing your CSP. I used to be very wary of therapists, so I understand completely if you're skeptical. Try to keep in mind that seeing a therapist is your own private decision, and no one else has to know about it unless you want them to. The therapist isn't there to tell you you're crazy, and going to see one doesn't mean you are - it means you're healthy enough to go get the assistance you need! I understand that it may be difficult to do so now, especially if you are still living at home. Once you start college, most campuses will have therapy available at low or no cost on campus, so that may be a good time to look into it if you are interested.
I hope that is helpful! Best of luck to you!