Ruining my face


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October 25, 2012

Hi Malynda and welcome to the group! I think you are definitely right to allow your skin to heal before you start using anything that is very harsh! The calamine lotion, witchhazel, and cetaphil as mentioned by Newperspective are fabulous and gentle products that will help you. Also, I don't know if you have health insurance, but my doctor just prescribed me Benzaclenze (actually I think its called Benzaclin...I just say benzaclenze because it rhymes..lol) It's very strong, and I would not want to smear it across my whole face. However, if you have a few spots that need a little extra something, it might be something to try. Good luck to you and I hope that you find some comfort here!
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October 23, 2012

Ok soooo - my skin was looking good. Not great but getting there. I decided to use a mud face mask. Skin look great afterward. But about 2 hours later I got these little inflammed bumps!!! WTH!!! I put drying cream on them and all but 1 went away. Now this morning I being me absolutly could not leave this one spot like it was. We are talking a little bump no bigger than a pen tip. The thing is that it was raised. So I scratched it off. Does not look to bad. Trust me I have made worse spots. But it is still there and driving me insane. I wish I never would have used the mud mask. I thought it was supposed to be good for your skin!!!! I know shut the hell up. LOL. I have had spots that I created that are about the size of a quarter. Seriously and here I am stressing over this little effin thing. But that is what I do!!! I really hope I dont make it into a open raw sore.
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October 25, 2012

Hey Girl, Don't beat yourself up over it..it's okay! Just try to remember how you felt the last time you turned a nothing spot into a major sore..and that "why did I DO THAT" feeling that comes with it..We've all been there, and I know it's hard. I know it's been talked about alot on this forum, but calamine really will help the swelling go down..and fast! Also, don't look at it! I know its hard, but if you just make yourself walk away from the mirror, it might be less tempting to start picking. Just wondering, but what did you do for the sores that you said were as big as a quarter? I have one like that on the right side of my face. It's not as bad as it was, but it looks like my skin is a little caved-in. ..I really hope it fills back out at least a little bit. Good luck with your spot! Keep me posted!
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October 27, 2012

I too have a caved in uneven mark. That is a result from the quarter size wound i created. It has been there for 5 months. Some days you can barely see it. Other days like today it is red and really noticable. I am trying not to let it bother me...but it is a constant reminder. In the sun light it looks ok but in darker light it is really noticable. How is yours looking spottyface? Hope it is healing up nicely.
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October 27, 2012

Hey There, I too created this nice quarter sized sore on my face, along with all the other ones. I have several sores on my face (not all as big though) but aside from those, my skin is smooth, clear, with an even tone. If it weren't for this awful thing I do to myself, I'd have really good skin...makes me so mad..grrr...Maybe after they've all healed I'll go get a skin peel or something to try and help fade the spots. They are still scabby right now (but I'd rather have the scabs as opposed to the open wounds that they once were). How is your mudmask spot healing up?
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October 27, 2012

The mud mask spot is pretty much gone! Just a very faint pink spot. My skin ia doing ok. Have not created anymore open sores...yeah. The scar from my last wound stops mw from messing with my skin. I dont like having this scar so I sure as heck dont want to create anymore
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October 28, 2012

Well it is bad enough i was left with a scar. Then i get a stupid whitehead on the scar that i scratched off...soooooo....back to calamine lotion...sigh and another day at work tmrw being in shame
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October 28, 2012

Neosporin....bandaid....again....sigh
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October 28, 2012

I will not let this get me down.... I will not let this get me down.... I will not let this get me down..... I will not let this get me down. ... I will not let this get me down.... I will not let this get me down..... I will not let this get me down.... I will not let this get me down..... I will not let this get me down..... ..... I will not let this get me down..... I will not let this get me down...
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October 29, 2012

Hey Sweetheart! I'll be thinking about you tomorrow! If it helps at all, I'm right there with you in the same boat. I've even started looking into working from home because of this. If I could just stay home for a while and let myself heal in private without having to scrub off the calamine and try to figure out the best way to conceal all of it..it doesn't help the healing process..plus being all stressed out about having people stare at me makes it even worse. Its so debilitating!! I'd really like working from home, I was thinking about making a new post to see if anyone else on this site works from home. Good luck tomorrow and just remember you have lots of support!!
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October 29, 2012

Hey Sweetheart! I'll be thinking about you tomorrow! If it helps at all, I'm right there with you in the same boat. I've even started looking into working from home because of this. If I could just stay home for a while and let myself heal in private without having to scrub off the calamine and try to figure out the best way to conceal all of it..it doesn't help the healing process..plus being all stressed out about having people stare at me makes it even worse. Its so debilitating!! I'd really like working from home, I was thinking about making a new post to see if anyone else on this site works from home. Good luck tomorrow and just remember you have lots of support!!
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October 29, 2012

Thanks Girl!!! I too was wishing I could work from home. Then no makeup...give my skin healing time. But I know that is not possible. What really gets me is this was just a supid little whitehead...but I had to scratch it off as it was looking bad...but now it looks worse to me. My friend at work says you cant even tell. She too is sporting a nice little pimple today...so I dont feel to bad. Mine however is a dried up mess! That is the worse. Looks red without makeup...but then looks like a dried up prune on my face with makeup. WTH is a girl to do? Sport a nice red spot or go around with a dried up mess.......that is the million dollar question! I am sorry you are going through this as well spottyface. But you know what we will leave these damn things alone...yes we can do it....get through the day...go home wash our faces and put on cream...and do it all over again. But you know what we will get through this and by this time next week...we will be looking GOOD!!!! To bad we didnt work together. Then we could hide out together in our little areas at work and help each other get through the day. Could you see it...both of us hiding out in the bathroom....lol. At least we would have each other to talk to!!!
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October 29, 2012

Sorry to hear this. I know how it feels to watch how people scan your face during conversation. It's human nature but its so so hurtful. Cetaphil is great I agree with the other member on that, dermatologists recommend it. Small dots of sudocrem over night help e dry stage of spots it's amazing x
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October 29, 2012

You are right it is hurtful. But I do the same thing. Scan faces just to see if they are like me. And then get some great pleasure when I see they are not perfect either. But then the ones with perfect skin I want to punch in the face....how dare they have perfect skin. LOL! I was using neosporin last night. I have sudocrem maybe I will try that tonight. I tried cetaphil and it seemed to make my skin more oily. Right now I am usine clean and clear oil absorbing cream face wash. We will see how that works. Well time to get to work. Everyone will be here in about 25 min so it is now time to look at everyone straight in the eye and try really hard not to hang my head in shame...lol
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October 29, 2012

Ugh...4 1/2 more hours...cant wait to leave and go home and HIDE!!!!!
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October 29, 2012

Ok I feel a little better about today. 2 of my friends are also sporting nice spots (unpicked however) on there faces. Theres are red and raised and they are like "I wish mine looked like yours - yours is no where near as big as mine" Yes we are comparing spots....lol This has motivated me not to mess with mine in hopes it heals faster then the 4 months it took last time when I piced it all the dang time. I will go home was face....apply calamine lotion....then sudocrem at night. I will do this every night until it is gone. And NO PICKING! My work christmas part is 12/7/12 and I want my skin to look nice. I dont want to be ashamed at the party. So that gives me 6 weeks. What do you think? Achievable????
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October 29, 2012

So what is the normal healing time for a picked pimple....zit....spot. I would not know as I cant leave them alone.
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October 30, 2012

So another day. Not so bad. The calamine lotion and sudocrem helped. Little dry around the edges. I just put some light powder on. No concelor as that just made it look worse. Actually it does not look to bad. Just a slight pinkish mark that looks like a blemish. Not something I scratched and messed with. I am going to not let it get to me today as well. Yest. it bothered me as I thought everyone was staring at it. But in truth I was more concerned than anyone. So I did not mess with it all day at work. Just a slight touch up at lunch. I am going to do so again today. As far as anyone is concerened it just looks like a new blemish. Which a couple people at work are sporting as well. Actually the new girl, her face is a mess. I know that is not nice. But I thank the lord every day that my skin is not like that. And you know she doesnt care. I dont pick all my face. I find one spot and go at it. So the rest of my skin looks decent. So everyone have a nice hopefully pick free day. We will get past this. We will!!!
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October 30, 2012

Have any of you been left with a raised shiny mark after healing? Does not look good with makeup. I am worried this will be permanent.
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November 01, 2012

Not a good day. Acne bumps gone. Scars a constant reminder of what I have done. I made a derm appointment but cant get in until December. I am going to try Rose Hip Oil. Have any of you tried this? This is so depressing. I really dont want to go on looking like this. I am single who the hell is going to want to be with me looking like something out of a horror movie. Seriously.
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November 02, 2012

check out our youtube page: http://www.youtube.com/user/beautybskindeep?feature=results_main, its about my 13 year old sister. she has derm too, and picks her face. also send us your story and pictures to beautybeyondskindeep@gmail.com and we will put it on our website beautybeyondskindeep.wix.com/derm also our facebook page http://www.facebook.com/pages/Beauty-Beyond-Skin-Deep/467112230008321?fref=ts
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November 02, 2012

So at work working hard...had a scratch on my face. So naturally I scratched at it. Well I caught edge of my scar just right and wouldnt you know skin peeled off. So I have not picked in a week and i still get an effin sore!!!!
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November 02, 2012

Scar = no boyfriend = alone for ever
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November 03, 2012

Hey Soembarrassed, Are you okay? You won't be alone forever!..plus you got all of us:) I'm trying in desperation to get rid of the number I've done to my face before I see my Husband later this month...We will get rid of our scars!!
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November 03, 2012

I have been better SpottyFace. I am so sick of going to work looking like this. So embarrassing. This one spot has been around june. Heals...reopens...heals...so on. Always in this same spot. If it wasnt so darn red i could deal with it. But the red is like it is shouting "hey.look at me...see what she did again" I so dont want to go to work monday...but i have to cant miss anymore work this year. I sure hope you are right. First i have to heal this demonic spot...ugh
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November 03, 2012

I know EXACTLY what you are going through!! I started a new job in August and I've had embarrassing sores on my face EVERYDAY!! Since I don't have anytime built up, I've had to go with a band-aid on my face..cause of a staph infection. I look Ridiculous!! I've really started thinking about working from home. I'm a customer service rep/processor and I know there are companies who hire people to do this from home. I could actually be a lot more productive if I didn't have to be worried about keeping my sores covered and bandaged. I try to keep my long hair in front of my sores but it's hard to do....plus I look like 'Cousin It' from the Adams Family!..Lol!! Hang in there! Maybe keeping it really moist with some aquaphor or ointment will help keep it from reopening...antibiotics might help it heal quickly too..I'm currently on Bactrim and it seems to be helping clear up my sores.
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November 04, 2012

Nothing seems to be working. I am trying mario badaosca (sp) healing cream right now. Trying to get my mind set for work tmrw. Wish my hair was longer so I could use it as a cover but mine is barely to my shoulders. I know this is wrong but i wish a few girls at my work would come in with one of these demonic spots. Just so I could see how they handle it. But no they all have perfect skin. So this coming week I will be unsocial again in hopes that this dang thing heals.
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November 04, 2012

Yep same here, I work with mostly women and they all have nice perfectly clear even skin. I'm sure there are a few whispers, but I'm really sweet to people, and so my coworkers are very nice to me. All I want is to be able to get up in the morning and just get dressed and ready like a normal person, instead of having to figure out the best way to hide my spots, without being embarrassed to leave my apartment, and to be able to make eye contact with people again. I'm not asking for perfection, just normal. Is that too much for a girl to ask for?? Seriously!! We'll get there girl!!
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November 04, 2012

Me too! I am always looking down no eye contact. I just wish mt spots where not.on my chin right where everone can see. Like my forhead where my bangs will at least cover them while they heal. The chin is worse cant hide those with no accessories. My.scab has come off now it is indented pink and uneven. I am using a mixture of polysporin and sudocrem to hopefully even out and reduce the pinkish color. My supervisor tells me everyone likes me and I lighten up the work place. That I keep everyone smiling with my funny quick comebacks and my humor. I just wish i could get back my self confidence back. Yes we will get there spottyface. We could be worse off with tumors all over our face. Right now my skin is looking ok. With just this one area spot bringing me down. But one spot might as well be 100 as far as my vain self is concerned. I have also ordered some rose hip oil as I hear that is supposed to be good for your skin and help blend in scars. Have you used it?
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November 04, 2012

I've heard of rose hip oil, I think I read about someone using it on this site..I've heard good things about it. I have thought about using Bio-oil (or its called something like that) I've seen it at Walgreens and CVS and it looks like it might help. I haven't had the chance to use anything, because I'm still trying to get these things healed. Right now I've got my face smeared with some ointment my doctor prescribed me. I've had a bad spot on my chin too!..Its right under my lip, so its impossible to hide...and difficult to keep a band-aid on it. I try to keep a sense of humor though. We had a costume/Halloween party at work and my supervisor asked me if I was going to dress up...I said 'nah, I'm just gonna take my I whole reason I have this problem is because of my own stupid vanity. I don't really have acne, its just that I try to "fix" any little thing on my skin and I end up creating huge sores. I'm trying to learn from my mistakes because it's taken over my life. My husband and I moved to Florida during the summer. He's out of state right now at a school, and I can't make friends because I can't even make eye contact with people because of my skin. The girls at work have said that I'm so sweet and a pleasure to work with, and I know I could develop some great friendships, but this disorder is like a big wall standing in my way. At least you have friends girl!! ..and count me as one of them:)!!
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November 04, 2012

I do the same thing. Make a little tiny spot.... could be dry skin or a little tiny pimple into a quarter sized sore that takes months to heal. I make my skin look hideouse.(sp) I am very vain that is the root of my problem. Pick then try to fix the damage. Cycle I cant seem to break. I will let you know how the rose hip oik works if it ever gets here. Hopefully this week. Good luck at work tmrw. Hope your day goes well. Yes I count you as a friend :) and you have one in me as well! ;)
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November 05, 2012

Well another 9 hour work day feeling like a monster. You know this spot would not be so bad (yeah right) if it was not shiney. WTH is up with the shiney skin. And if it was just a little flatter and more even. I am trying (not very well) to not let it get to me...but damn it is hard. My little spot I sit in at work is sooooo bright. I want to just sit here in the dark. That would make my day. LOL. Plus we have a goup meeting every morning where everyone gets together and goes over what is in the works for the day. Damn I hate those times. There is this guy at work that I cant stand that he sees me like this. We have lunch every day. He is my best friend and I just dont feel like I am up to his standards. I look like a damn monster. He does not say anything and acts like he cant even tell I have a demonic spot on my face. But come on I know he can and it has to bother him just a little. Although I do not think everyone analyzes everyone elses faces like I do. I wish we could post pic's on here then you would all see. I am starting today...again....no picking. I am going to heal this spot (hopefully by Dec 7th when my work christmas party is) once and for all. I am not going to care if there is a scar as long as it is healed. Can I do it...probably not...put I am going to give it my all. So Day 1 - I know it is early - no picking!!!!
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November 06, 2012

I wanted to comment on your recent posts. I have been exactly where you are several times. Do you think that your work and it's stresses might contribute to your picking? It sounds as though there is a lot of anxiety of surrounding the group meetings and your co-workers. I worked at a job previously where there was absolutely no hiding - ever. There were bright lights, lots of co-workers and customers constantly circulating. It was an open concept office, so if I had a picking episode - I had no choice but to be out there for everyone to see - or call in sick which I did far too often. It was truly difficult at times. Fast forward a year later, I got another job which allows more privacy and the flexibility to work at home on the odd occasion. My picking is still on-going (boo), but I feel "slightly" less pressure. The other item that I wanted to mention was the fact that I truly believe that as pickers we notice much more than non-pickers. Yes, your co-workers may notice the odd spot, but they don't dwell on it and likely don't think twice about it. They are probably more focused on you as a person, not just your physical appearance. I recently broke down and told my husband about my picking. It was terrifying and embarrassing. He said that he honestly didn't notice. The only thing that he noticed was the fact that I would disappear for hours into the bathroom - leaving him alone. He would also get concerned that I was sick and something was wrong. Now I realize how picking is robs you of so much valuable time and energy. I wish you the very best of luck on not picking. Going to your Christmas Party without worrying about your complexion is a good goal! You have my support! Best of luck!
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November 06, 2012

I talked to a couple women at work yest about my insecurities over this one spot. You know what they where all like..."we could not see anything until you pointed it out. And now that we do it just looks like a dry area of skin" Hmmm really? Seriously? They where more concerned that I was hiding out not my chipper self and thought i was angry at them for some reason. Not angry at them but at myself. I am beginning to see that people really dont care. It is all me worring what others think.
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November 06, 2012

Hi, I made my first post yesterday (Picked for years but only just become aware of CSP). I'm looking for support so could really use a reply. I'm amazed to know there are other people going through similar stuff. I have got rid of my magnifier mirror. Need to ditch the sharp-ended tweezers too. Been telling myself I need them but I don't do I? I told a friend last night that I have dermatillomania, in an effort to promote honesty. Far from freaking out and making me feel embarrassed, she admitted to scratching in the bath and scratching her boyfriend! Seems we all have our little secrets. Thanks for reading. xo
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November 06, 2012

Hope2heal - you are not alone. We are all going through it. I can not tell you how many times I have thrown out my tweezers (they are evil things) just to go buy another pair as I would go through anxiety not having them...lol. I had 6 pair at one time. Yeap 6. Now I have 1 pair. The other 5 are hidden from me by my daughter. I do not use a magnifier mirror as that would drive me insane. Just getting up close to my mirror in the bathroom does enough damage. I am on day 2 of not picking. I am taking 1 day at a time and rejoicing and celebrating just getting through that day. It is not easy. I have one spot that I am trying to heal. That demonic mark has been with me since June as I can not leave it alone. But I am determined to let it heal. A friend suggested using rubbing alochol to dry it out. I am trying that as I think I was keeping it too moist and it would not heal. So I am putting rubbing alochol on it at night a couple times then I am letting it air out at night. It does seem to be helping. My fear is that it will dry out to much and I will start picking at it. But I am going to try my best not to do so. It looks so much better after 1 night of night slathering on neosporin and or sudocrem. Just remember we are our worst enemies. What looks horendous to us looks like a minor..yes minor mark to others. The girls at work told me yest that this spot I am obsessing over looks like a tiny dried area of skin to them....really I was floored as I think it looks like a big red raised flakey mess with a spot light on it saying look at me! So hear is to healing...stopping...and getting on with our lives!!! We can and will do it!!!
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November 06, 2012

Thank you soembarrassed that means a lot. I have several spots that I pick and pick and pick and then wonder why they won't go away. Sometimes they heal but by then I've found a new one. Some are existent, others not so much. I have taken the advice on here to use calamine lotion. I'll let you know how i get on. In terms of prevention, the bathroom mirror at work is proving to be a real problem, as I go to the bathroom quite often in the course of the working day. Any ideas? :-S I am determined to make some progress.
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November 06, 2012

Well hop2heal no answer on that one as my mirror at work sucks me in as well. I just got back from lunch and just detroyed my face. Went to wash my hands saw a piece of flaky skin and of course I could not leave it so I pulled it off...now I have a red bloody hole. Was looking ok (not great) but ok up until then. Now I have to sit here for 4 more hours feeling like crap waiting to go home and hide. I hate this! The feeling of shame. The feeling that I let myself down again. Sometimes I just wish the earth would open up and swallow me.
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November 07, 2012

Aw, so sorry to hear that soembarrassed. Please don't beat yourself up. Just stay strong and keep trying. I am realising that we have to celebrate the small achievements and accept and move on from any lapses. I had a really bad morning yesterday as I'd self-harmed the night before (1st time in a year) -oh yeah, I've been self-harming since I was 16- but then I told myself that it doesn't matter, ok I had a little lapse but beating myself up about it can only make things worse. I'm still picking my skin, but a little less. So I have to try and focus on that improvement. I have a rolled-up bandage at work now that i'm using as a fidget toy and sometimes stroke it on my face instead of scratching my face- I don't give a hoot what my colleagues think of it! Anyway, please know that you haven't let yourself or anyone else down. You have helped me and you should give yourself a pat on the back -or better yet a hug- for that.
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November 14, 2012

OMG, magnifing mirrors are the worst!
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November 14, 2012

I just found this site too. I both consciously and unconsciously pick. I am super mortified by both. I wonder if people see my picking in public and are grossed out, and I know my face and scalp look way worse than they would if I would just leave them alone! I was depressed as a kid and teenager, and I even did do some cutting at one point to deal with emotional pain. I am now a very emotionally balanced person, but I can't seem to stop picking. My face breaks out due to stress, and oh the irony, I can't keep from making it worse! So glad I'm not the only one.
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November 15, 2012

Hey gypsygirl14. Isn't it a relief to know you're not the only one! I was feeling like such a freak. In fact, recently I've told a few of friends casually, in an effort to be more open about it. And guess what? Many of them have similar things! One scratches in his sleep, one scratches in the bath (neither of which are dermatillomania I know, but still...), one picks her split ends which is a mild form of trychotillomania. It seems we all have our little secrets! So please don't worry about what other people think of you. Most people wouldn't notice because: a) it wouldn't occur to them (i've had many episodes of self harm and it's amazing the excuses people believe (e.g. I fell into a blackberry bush), i think because that seems more plausible to them than someone hurting themself, OR b) they have a similar thing themselves and again, don't think anything of it. I also feel emotionally healthy but can't... stop... picking... especially my face, which is the one area i'd like to leave alone! Do you think that picking could be a hangover from previous emotional pain?
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November 06, 2012

Back to day 1 - *sigh*
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November 06, 2012

Stop obsessing! Stop Obsessing! Stop obsessing! Stop Obsessing! Stop obsessing! Stop Obsessing! Stop obsessing! Stop Obsessing! Stop obsessing! Stop Obsessing! Stop obsessing! Stop Obsessing! Stop obsessing! Stop Obsessing! Stop obsessing! Stop Obsessing! That is what I keep telling myself - over and over and over
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November 06, 2012

You know I would like in the very near future to be able to come home wash my face and to not have to put some sort of healing cream on my face!
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November 07, 2012

Hey girl, How was your day? Awful here...I hate getting those sympathetic looks. I'd just like to be able to go to work without being embarrassed. Actually, what I would really like is to be able to stay home for a little while (more than a 2 day weekend) so that I can allow myself to heal in peace and privacy!!
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November 07, 2012

Dang I just wrote a big huge response and the dang website bombed....so here I go again. Shorter version. My day was just as awful. I know what you mean by the sympathetic looks. I hate them. I wish I did not give a rats as what other people thought...but that is not the case. I to wish I could stay home for a few weeks. Maybe in a coma where I could not move and pick...pick..pick. That would work!!! As if I was at home those 2 weeks with idle time I would probably cause more damage. We have 2 months to heal and beat this damn compulsion. So that we can live our lives without shame...embarrassement and self pity. I am sick of this phase I am going through and it ends today. Are you with me girl? Day 1 (for the 100th time...lol) NO PICKING!!! Sudocrem on my spot at night to calm the pinkish/redness and help fade to a normal color. Polysporin in the am to help blend in the dryness!!!! I will do my makeup light mineral powder as that is all I have right now...no concelor as I think that just settles into the uneveness and makes it more noticable...and that is it....NO touch ups...no messing with it....I am also going to try not to look in those demonic mirrors 1000 times a day..As that is just to damn depressing! Weekend will be a makeup free 2 days to let my skin breath. Undecided yet if I will put anything on this spot...I will see after the next 3 days....Here we go!!! we are going to do this!!!
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November 07, 2012

2 months? Yes that sounds like a realistic goal. Instead of a new yr's resolution, we can b done by this year. Or am I being too hopeful I wonder...
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November 07, 2012

Healing in privacy... Something I always need!
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November 07, 2012

Yes, I know the feeling.

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