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MaD_ScARs_1031 , 09 Sep 2012

I need help, and FAST!!

I have struggled with picking at my face, since I was in my teens. Thats when I remember it starting, is when I was about 16, 17 years old. I never had bad acne as a teen, but I would get in the mirror, start obsessing, and pick at my skin. Through the years ive created many scars on my face, and its so hard to look at them in the mirror. They are a reminder of the many mistakes ive made- not just from picking at my face, but also so many other aspects of my life. It had been a while since I had picked at my face, and here in the past 6, 7 months, I've started picking again. There are alot of things going on in my life, that are extremely stressful, and I know that this has alot to do with WHY i've started this nasty habit back up. This past Monday night I had so much on my mind, and there is a spot on the lower left portion of my face- located to the left of my chin...anyways, when I was like 13, I was bit by a dog in that spot, and it left a scar. Since then, when it came time to pick, alot of times, I chose that spot, b/c it felt irregular and bumpy to me. Monday night, I was in the mirror, with the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I began to pick at that spot, yet once again....only this time, I picked at it WAY worse than I ever have before. Not only did I pick at this particular spot, I picked at almost the same exact area, only on the opposite side of my face/ chin... along with 12 OTHER areas that I caused damage to. I am absolutely disgusted with my behaivor, and feel like I could just crawl in a hole and die. These wounds are by far the biggest, and most gruesome ive ever inflicted upon myself. The two main one's, the biggest one's, are the two I mentioned first- located on the left and right, lower, chin portions of my face--- I now have open fleshy pink wounds, the size of dimes. On my cheeks, BOTH sides of my face, I have picked smaller, but none the less BAD places there as well... they too are open, pink and fleshy looking. On either sides of my nose, kind of directly across from the corners of my eyes, I've picked matching dot sized marks there--- they both look red, swollen, and have scabbed over. On the top of my forehead, on the left side, ive picked a good sized dot that goes into my hair line....and there are so many OTHER little dot size picks, that all HAD little scabs on them, but now look pink and fleshy. I could go ON and ON about the size, appearance, and location of the many marks I made the other night--- but its only further causing me to get up (as im typing this) and go look in the mirror, to obsess some more, and feel even MORE depressed. I am LOST and dont know WHAT TO DO....I started a new job last weekend, and this job requires looking your best- you know, make-up, hair, outfit, the whole get-up, and I was so excited about having made good money last weekend, and as soon as the weekend was over with- I DO THIS SHIT, TO MY FACE??!!! It's almost like there is something in my head, that subconsciencely does not want to see my happy, or see me succeed. I have stayed in the house since that dredful night that I destroyed my face (as if it wasnt messed up enough already, with the MANY, MANY scars I have, from all these years of picking.) It was last Monday night that I did all of this, and here it is Sunday afternoon--tomorrow will make a WEEK since the crime was committed, and it seems as if nothing has healed, and that they look the same as they did, when I first put em there. I googled so many different sentences about HOW I could possibly make them heal faster, what to do about the scars, and so on and so on.... thats when I found this site. I've been reading alot of different people's stories, and am relieved to know that there are SO many other people out there, that have the exact same compulsions, habit and problem, with picking their skin. Its like at the time, that im doing it, im convinced that I HAVE to finish it, I have to get it ALL out (even though there rarely is anything to get out, except flesh and blood,) and when its all done and over with, im miserable, b/c my face looks like it has been attacked by wild animals. So- here's my MAIN concern, plea, and question: when I first came to this site, before having made my own screen name and all- I read alot of different posts, and kept reading about calamine lotion. I gave it a try, and will say this- it definately covers the spot up, and atleast helps disguise it, so that its not so heartbreaking, when I look in the mirror every FIVE MINUTES- but what I dont understand is HOW exactly its supposed to help, in shortening the healing time??!! Ive globbed it on, for the past 3 or 4 nights, and honestly, it seems like its made my skin crack even more, and then bleed....all of the marks had developed scabs over them, and I made sure that when I washed my face, that I didnt scrub hard, or pull the scabs off--- its been almost a week, and the scabs have come off of the BIG, HUGE, unsightly marks on my lower chin area, and the cheek area (now that I inspect it even more, I see that the mark on the right cheek area, is actually on my cheek bone, but the opposite, left sided cheek area mark isnt really on my cheek, but directly beside my nose, not that it matters, just sayin.....) and ive continued putting calamine on them, but after it dries, and as time passes, and I get ready to wash it off, to either apply more, or clean it with hydrogen peroxide and neosporin, it seems to make my skin crack, and bleed in little spots. I am losing my mind here--- as you all can see, im caking my face with calamine, neosporin, and hyrdogen peroxide- even got my dad to go and buy me a 30 dollar, or more, tube of mederma, for the scars-- he had to pick it out, and purchase it FOR ME, b/c I absolutely refuse to be seen in public like this. I dont know what to do--- The new job that I had JUST started not this past weekend, but the weekend before--- I called out, and didnt work this past Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, as I was scheduled to do-- I called the boss and told him I was sick with strep throat and bronchitis-- here it is, Sunday, ALREADY, and I have so much coming up this week--- Thursday I have to meet with my probation officer, and I have an appointment with my psychiatrist (which im not thrilled about, but atleast hoping to get some answers and share with him whats been going on with me, again, since I never thought that this was a psychological disorder, before I came to websites, such as this one.) I've been diagnosed with BiPolar, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Attention Defecit Hyperactive Disorder. I stopped taking my anit-depressants recently, b/c I was worried that the combination of both the anti-depressants, and my medication for ADHD was making me too wired, and unable to eat. Now, this has happened, and I have to wonder if not having my medication has been a direct result of this tragedy ive caused on my face. Not only do I have those two VERY important appointments Thursday, im also supposed to go back to work Thursday evening as well--- I cannot, and WILL NOT go to work, lookin the way I do right now, and I fear that there is not enough time between now and Thursday for my face to even heal up enough, to be able to cover it with makeup. Right now, makeup makes it look so shitty- it just cakes on, and its so obvious that there is scabs and uneven open skin, underneath. Plus, I dont want to even try a trial run with the makeup, too much right now, b/c I dont want to infect it, that is if its not ALREADY infected....SO PLEASE HELP ME--- has the calamine lotion helped me at all, or is it causing me more problems? I just dont know what to say about it, b/c I dont have any idea how LONG something like this should take to heal- I know how long it has taken, for all the little dot size picks to go away, about a week, but these big ass marks, that were huge scabs and now look like raw meat, I have no clue about. I'D LOVE to believe that the calamine has helped me so far, but Im just not sure, b.c of the crackling of the skin, when I tried to remove it, as softly and lightly as I could....PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME. PLEASE GIVE ME SUGGESTIONS, ADVICE, EXPERIENCE AND HOPE. Im really losing it here, and im almost convinced that im going to lose my job, b/c I will not have the courage to step foot in there, if I cant get some results, and SOON!!!! Im willing to try anything- just hope that it works, and fast...I know that there is only SO MUCH you can do, with these kind of things, b/c it takes TIME, to HEAL.... maybe I didnt leave the lotion on long enough> I left it on overnight one night, and then left it on during the day, but kinda kept adjusting it, by adding more, and then washing it off, before bed, or first thing after waking up. IF ANYONE COULDNT NOTICE ALREADY, BY MY ERRATIC TYPING, AND LONG DRAWN OUT MESSAGE- LET ME TELL YOU- IM SERIOUSLY ABOUT TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK HERE, at the thought of losing a job, that I just got. The worst part, is the scarring- the scarring is going to be horrible, I just know it, and in my heart of hearts, I know that I will NEVER look the same, again. This time I just went too far..... I cant believe Ive completely destroyed my face--- and for what???!!!! Okay, im starting to cry now, and have to stop typing. The letters and numbers are becoming blurry on the keyboard, b/c the tears are rolling out of my eyes, like a storm. Please help me...Im begging, pleading, wishing, hoping and PRAYING that somehow I get through this, and that I ATLEAST make it through this work weekend, and then, I will go from there..... THANK YOU, AND GOD BLESS. ************Mad Maddie*****************
7 Answers
September 09, 2012
Ok deep breath. I went through the same thing 3 months ago. What finally helped heal my spots was using the calamine. It just sort if dried them up and healed. With the exception of one major spot that i could not leave alone...I am now left with a scar. But.still out of 5 spots I am only left with one scar. That one scar however is causing me to hide out...cancel appointments...but that is my cross to bare. You just need to leave all alone and let them heal. I really do think calamine helps so keep using it.
September 11, 2012

In reply to by soembarrassed

I am a calamine BELIEVER now!!! It has helped. It has dried up the raw, pink, fleshy meat that was left when the scabs fell off, and now my skin is starting to grow back over. The really big marks are still somewhat scabbed, but have reduced tremendously in size. I'm crossing my fingers that by Thursday ( which is when I have to see my psychiatrist, my therapist, my probation officer AND go to work) they will have diminished even more. Tonight I'm gonna try cleaning them with hydrogen peroxide, then cover the MANY spots with neosporin.... Then use calamine tomorrow, during the day . I've been trying different methods, switching between wearing calamine while I sleep, to wearing neosporin while I sleep. During the day I mostly have been wearing only calamine, but ive also used vitamin E oil, on the spots that seem more healed, and well on their way to scarring. Thanks for the reassurance about the calamine.... I was really freaking out, when I last posted about my initial PICK session. I really needed to hear that calamine worked, without a doubt, b/c I was being so frantic and impatient, that it was hard for me to even decide.... I hadn't seen any Improvement, at the time I was posting that long, desperate plea, asking WHAT to do-- but then again, I hadn't given my face, OR the lotion, enough time to heal!! So, thanks again and good luck to you!
September 10, 2012
Honey! Honey is great anti bacterial remedy that can be used on cuts and scrapes and to reduce the appearance of scarring. But don't use absolutely tonnes, just a thin layer on the affected areas. Manuka Honey is especially good. Also Olive Oil to help to fade scars but you shouldn't put that on open wounds, and also I'd recommend using it very lightly on one particular area as a test because olive has worked great for a lot of my deep scars but I've seen that some people react badly to olive oil.
September 11, 2012

In reply to by

Thanks for the tips... I'm trying skin therapy oil, with Vitamin E oil...been using calamine lotion as well. So far, so good.... I've seen a lot of improvement in just two days.... Just keeping my fingers crossed, that by Thursday they will be completely, or atleast mostly gone! I slipped a little last night, and picked two very small marks below the left side of my mouth. Silly, I know, to have started healing from my original episode, only to create even MORE marks, that I'll have to wait even longer for, to heal! Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best ;)
September 11, 2012
Hi there! I just wanted to cry when I read your post. I have been in your situation several times. Sending you big ((((((((HUGS))))))))), Remember, this is only temporary. Don't beat yourself up too much. Take a deep breath and know that you skin will heal. I feel confident that by Thursday you will be SO much better! Lots of people do recommend calamine lotion, but I have had little success with it. My recommendation would be to use Dove soap (for sensitive skin); dab the spots with witch hazel astringent (very gentle); apply Neosporin. During the day, I try to cover-up the spots with make-up. I use Garnier BB cream foundation and the rest of my products are from Physicians Formula. Once the areas of healed I HIGHLY recommend the Neutrogena All-in-One scrub and cream. This stuff has seriously been amazing!!! Also, if you are able, start a yoga/meditation routine. Even simply listening to a relaxing CD works wonders. There are reason to why/when we pick. Sometimes, taking a few minutes to yourself will truly help you find some balance. Remember, tomorrow is a new day! Take care and be kind to yourself. You are beautiful no matter what! xo xo xo
September 11, 2012

In reply to by MysteriousSunshine

MysteriousSunshine....thank you for your advice, and kind words. It's good to know that there are people out there, that have experienced this very same thing. Thank for all of the suggestions of products to use. I will definitely check them out. Reading back over what I had originally posted, I further realize just how much worry, depression and isolation this strange disorder has caused me. It's absolute insanity... It's like doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results!! Although, deep down, I know what the results, and the consequences will be if I pick at my face, when im in the moment, and I can't seem to stop ... I convince myself that this time won't be that bad--- and almost justify and rationalize further picking. It is definately a vicious cycle, that I desperately want to break!! I appreciate your care and concern, more than you know!! I figured that I found this website and forum , while in the midst of a terrible episode of picking.... Maybe if I try and check in here daily, and talk about what's going on with me, and how I'm doing with my picking, maybe I'll be able to stop myself, the next time I have the urge to pick. I like your ideas about yoga and meditation... I really DO NEED to find time, to relax and decompress.... I think that would really help, b/c that was a big contributing factor, to me picking---STRESS!!! My face has improved dramatically, and I'm hoping that by Thursday, it will be completely, or atleast mostly gone!! Thanks for being a friend :) take care & God bless!!
Jason Jeff
November 19, 2012
A very informative article and lots of really honest and forthright comments made!

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