Really want to stop, but.....

I love to see the gunk come out of my pores. It feels so good, like I'm getting rid of all the dirt and oil. However, after just a few minutes my face is red and I'm depressed about it, but I can't stop thinking about how it leaves a nice big hole in my pore. I've been a skin picker for almost 20 years and although I've decreased my picking greatly, mostly by finding something else to do, I still love the satisfaction of it and don't know if I'll ever be able to quit completely. I just hope I don't pass it on to my kids...