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So I F'd up and I feel really down... help please

Basically I started coming on here maybe a month ago, and it was really helping me. Thanks to anyone that posted to me. But I stopped coming on here, I got very depressed again because I constantly feel as if no matter how much I do it's futile because there's a whole other list of new things that just get piled on top. It would probably help if I explained, my dad passed away 08/05/2011 and I've had to deal with all the legal stuff, I was 19 then, I'm 21 now. I was not at all ready for the responsibilities of a house: The tax, the bills, the generally keeping everything together. From then until now I've been under tremendous stress and pressure, I had to sell the house my dad left me- and the home I'd lived at since I was 3- and move house. When I moved, and I found this site with all you amazing people I was finally at a point where I felt I could get through this. But of course recently things have gone down hill again, and I have terrible trouble dealing with that, I always have because I've always felt as if my life doesn't get to get better, it'll level out and be okay for a bit but then it just starts falling, cascading full pelt down and down and down and down. It might not even be true but I've always felt like that, so even when things have been good I'm always just waiting for the carpet to be dragged up from under me, all over again. SO to cut to the chase, I've been picking AGAIN and I feel honestly awful, and I hate myself and my weakness, and my stupidity for not coming on here. I'd even be thinking as I pick, 'I shouldn't be picking right now, I should be posting'. EVERY TIME I've had a moment alone in the passed few weeks I've picked. I've had some BAD, by my standards, picking sessions on my arm, where I've sat for hours maybe 2-3 or even 4 HOURS just picking away at my arms, I have KP so I pick at the old scabs and the horrible little pimples that come up anyway. I've not done SO bad on my legs, only maybe doing a few bad picking sessions on them, and I'm not letting go of the fact that they still look better now than they have done for 4 or 5 years which is an ACCOMPLISHMENT, BUT!!! I still can't wear shorts or skirts, or get a spray tan, go to a spa, go swimming and it's so DEPRESSING. As for my arms, I can't even get them out at all, I want to leave them alone sooooo BAD I hate it!!! SERIOUSLY I am just at my last straw I really think if I can't stick to this I never will be able to because I've tried and tried and tried and tried... to stop this and I just can't. It's my crutch, my vice and it's ridiculous but it's the one thing that distracts me from the stress and helps me, it NEEDS to STOP because it creates stress. When I pick badly on my arms, I break out on my face because I am so ashamed. My KP started it all, I remember when I was a child, another child said to me 'eurgh, what is that on your arms?' and that's where it all started, the mission to get rid of this rash by picking out 'the infection'. BUT even when I found out later more about KP, I didn't stop, I still can't stop and I WANT TO SO SO BADLY. I would welcome and thanlk any help right now I really would, I'm at the lowest I've been in a while. When I first came on here I wanted to be clear enough to wear short sleeves, and skirts by October 20th but that is merely a dwindling dream now, ANOTHER date down the drain. I want skin to be proud of, I just want to be BETTER tomorrow than I am TODAY and so on. PROBLEM, I don't think I can do it anymore, I've lost faith in myself and I neeeed it back. Love all you guys so much thank you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Jo
3 Answers
October 06, 2012
Hi Jo! I just started posting on this forum and I started a 30 day challenge post. I've been through cognitive behavioral therapy for my picking so I've got lots of good tips. Make today your Day 1!!! You can regain control of your life but you've got to start somewhere. Check out my post and let us know your goals and progress :) I like to think that while skin picking isn't curable, it is definitely treatable! Starting a 30 day challenge is so empowering and I promise that you won't feel like this forever. - Megan
goal orientated
October 06, 2012
You know what, I have done the EXACT same as you recently. Come on here and succeeded to an extent but then been too stressed and picked horrendously whilst ignoring that I should be on this site. My stressors made me hopeless and forgetful about this goal to quit as a team effort. But you know what, I logged in yesterday and had a shock. How many strangers are on this site all acting like we are one big family getting through it together. Moreover, my actual family make derrogative comments sometimes so this is way more encouraging. I am at my lowest today too because I have tried, and tried, and tried. I'm still trying. I'm looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. I believe you will succeed sooner than me. You are younger and so the habit is less engraved. Furthermore, look how far you have come, dealing with so many issues all by yourself. You are a story of success just the way you are without stopping. You know why? You have already got through so much. I too have finished dealing with the solicitors all by myself. I wna say my troubles are now brought to a close. But there is still one circular problem... The skin picking. Nonetheless, you are not alone. We are all proud of you for what you have dealt with. Now one more thing on your plate...come on, you can't give up. Keep trying. I am. Always will. Even if I fail a hundred times, i wil try 101 times. Stay well xxxxx
October 07, 2012
goal orientated thank you sooo much! I cried when I read your pst because I felt so supported and so connected with you by experience. The things you said have really, honestly, truly helped me find a bit more energy to get up and try again. I feel better, and we can do this! We are a family, and I'll always support you if ever you need me! I love you for what you said to me, and I love you just as you are, even though I've never met you. Msschafer87 HI! Thank you also, I'm going to check out your thread right now! and keep you updated. We can do this together, I've been seeing a psychotherapist but I've never told her about my picking, I went there because I was depressed and angry, it was before I found out about CSP and now our sessions are coming to a close and I've gone without telling her. I think I am going to go and see my GP and try and get some CBT once my therapy finishes. BUT YES I'm going to stop, I'm going to check out your thread and really be a part of this, log on regularly and let everyone know how I am doing good and bad (hopefully mostly good). Thank you again Goal Orientated and Msschafer87 for helping me when I didn't think anyone could. You're stars, you're amazing and I love you both xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Jo

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