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so relieved to find this forum and finally some support
I just found this website/forum and am overcome with relief that this is an actual disorder and I'm not the only one struggling with the reality of skin-picking. I've picked at my arms, face, back, and chest since I was 15. It usually starts with a pimple, but if I don't have a noticeable one, I will MAKE one out of some old scar or miniscule bump. I'll stand dripping in the bathroom after showering and pick at my upper arms until there are little dots of blood all over them. I try to hide this from my husband by immediately putting on a sweatshirt, and he either doesn't notice or politely doesn't mention it. A few times I've gotten motivated enough to tell him about it and ask him to help remind me not to pick at my skin if he sees me doing me it, but the motivation always fades. If I feel a bump on my chin or forehead when I'm in public, I will literally fantasize about popping it when I get home, and when I do get home, I rush to the mirror to do just that. I feel weak for not being able change this, and for not being strong enough to fight the compulsions. I will literally look myself in the mirror AS I'M PICKING, and say to myself STOP right now. Walk out of the bathroom. And I won't be able to do it. Its like my fingers and my brain are totally disconnected. I'm hoping that maybe I can post on this forum every night instead of ritualistically popping my face to oblivion in front of the mirror. At least now I know there's a place to go where I can be completely honest about what I do to myself.
October 13, 2012
As I was reading your post, I could completely relate to what you were saying. My thoughts mirror yours almost exactly. I don't know exactly what it is about popping and picking that is so addicting, but it has a hold over me like nothing else. I look myself in the face in the mirror, and tell myself to stop, tell myself I'm causing damage, that I don't need to to this, I should walk away right now. But it has an inescapable grip on me at times. I also have obsessive fantasies about popping or picking when I get to a place where I am alone. I've been on here for a few days now, and this forum is making it easier slightly, at least I can come here when I feel like I need support and encouragement. It's so very hard though... Today I controlled myself a little better, but that won't do. I need to stop this behavior. Just hang in there ok? We can get through this together. I'm not entirely sure how, but at least not being alone will give some comfort and strength. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.