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Picking my forehead - amazing yet so shameful (picking to the precipice of scarring)
Hi guys, I've been a lurker on this forum for quite some time, as I've struggled to recognize my mania as an actual disorder rather than an easy "just stop yourself" sort of problem. Only recently have I started seeing a therapist and it's been an incredibly challenging journey realizing what I have, confiding with family and friends, and learning new behaviors to resist the urges. I won't go into much details, but I started picking junior year of high school and it exacerbated at an exponential level through college. I was unhappy, depressed, isolated, and transforming into a second-rate self that hid my genuine insecurities and true personality from everyone else. I'm now 23 years old (male) in the working world, enduring the guilt and shame at a tenfold since its rampant start. I've missed days at work .. career opportunities ... dates with girls ... all because of the tremendous guilt that picking confers. I never really had acne but over the years have spent hours - one time, nearly 5 hours in front of the mirror - picking anything and everything. My back and chest has healed with almost no visible scarring ... but now my forehead has been feeling the brunt of my obsession. With the help of therapy, I've created control mechanisms such as wearing vinyl gloves in the shower so I don't feel any bumps that may trigger a "picking-spree;" when I do pick, I wear latex gloves so the germs don't spread. I'm lucky and have almost no scarring (knock-on-wood), however for the last week I've been obsessing with a pimple and fearing the worst that I will get a giant scar on my forehead. I picked at it when it first inflated into a red, pea-sized pimple with no head. I finally got it and within days, the scab healed over. However, now there is a raised and hard layer of dermis - purple in color, with a bit of red and yellow mixed in the center - and when I use a needle to pick, all I get is intensely dark blood .. not pus, as the bump flattens out just a little. We all know how hard it is to stop .. and the incredible, drug-like euphoria we experience when picking ... but I've been obsessing and trying to understand how to get rid of this pimple. Does anyone have any suggestions? Comments? This is a wonderful community and I look forward to contributing more and more.
November 21, 2012
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