Today I STOP

Day 2: Well last night I rubbed and scratched but I did not remove any skin. It was not easy. I did attack a few cuticles but nothing terrible. As long as I do not destroy the areas of interest. Coloring is still very pink. Areas that bled have already scabbed. I can still feel the sores though when I bend my fingers.

Day 3: Well last night was a little harder to resist. I ended up pulling a thin layer off my lips but I dont think its noticeable this morning. That usually heals overnight with blistex. But that's ok I still free of the area in question. I had some dried loose skin hanging that was catching on my fleece so I clipped them with a nail clipper. Then covered the area with more Neosporin and a bandage. It's still off color dark pink with some white areas of dry skin. It's beginning to enter the scab stage where it turns brownish and hard. This is the hardest part because it gets so itchy. I think the Neosporin is helping speed up the process. Hopefully it will keep it from drying out and itching too much as well. If I fail this time I'm numbing my left index finger and ripping the fingernail out Till tomorrow...

Day 5: Well nothing much new the past 2 days. It doesn't seem to be making much progress except the open wounds have closed. Due to the randomness of skin that is picked its not a smooth surface and the ridges or layers of skin that are not flush are very hard to resist pulling off. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just cut away the entire area with a knife and let it all heal at the same rate. In any event I'm 5 days in and so far so good. Keeping a bandage on at night helps a lot.

Day6: Wow today was especially hard. The top layer of skin was completely dried up and flaking like a bad sunburn peels. I may have pulled off a few small pieces but quickly grabbed a band aid and covered it up. Seems that's the only way I can stop. Once its covered all is good. My cuticles are not escaping the wrath though. Luckily those heal quickly so as soon as all the scaring and calluses on my hand heals I should be in better shape.

Day 8: Well this is officially the longest I've gone so far. I have to say the thoughts of how GREAT it would feel just to rip off the entire healing portion is almost overwhelming. Boy would it feel good. All the tension released like popping your pants button after a thanksgiving meal. It would only take me 5 minutes to ruin the weeks worth of work. How tempting! The area is still discolored, dry, and flaking. During the day at work I've been using hand lotion to keep it moist. It's also near impossible to pick at when its lotioned.

Day 10: Still going strong. Skin is still hard and boy would it feel good to run a razor blade over the hard healed area right along the crease in my right hand just below the pinky. It would split open like risen dough. That's all I can think about. How I am not doing that right now I do not know. It's still discolored but is blending better. At least at this point I do not think it is noticeable to other people. I guess that's what I told myself even when it was raw and bloody but not I really think so. It looks more like a callas from working with my hands rather than a bad habit gone wrong. Well hopefully this will soften up soon and feel and look like normal skin. At that point it is much harder to start again because its no longer numb to the sensation and it no longer feels good. Soon....

Day 15: IS THIS EVER GOING TO HEAL! AHHHHH! As long as its hard and crusty I am tempted to pick at it. If it would just soften up and not have ridges where I could get a fingernail under it would be so much easier. Scratch Scratch Scratch...

Day 75: Hey All, haven't posted on my progress in a while... so I have good new and bad news. The good news is the main area I wanted to heal is still pick free for 75 days. This area was almost 25% of my hand. Lately I do not even get an urge to pick it anymore which is great. The skin is still slightly blemished with a darker brown look but the hard crustiness of it is mostly gone. It's definitely not 100% normal looking but without close inspection I do not believe it is noticeable. The bad part is my thumb could not escape the wrath. I was good for a while on both however my bigger fear began again, I started picking at my lips. Consciously I decided I would rather have a messed up looking thumb that isn't that can be hidden rather than destroy my face and feel like everyone is looking at it. So now my thumb is pretty much top layer skin free LOL. The wrath came back harder than before but it is the only place now and unless looking at the palm of my hand it remains hidden. Oh, my cuticles took a slight beating too :( But I've learned a trick to pick them and make it look nice. What I do is take a sharp razor like a box cutter and like pealing the skin off an apple, I slice where the skin meets the nail. Just slightly so the skin is nicely trimmed against the nail and it leaves no room to tug at any loose hangnails. No blood, no discoloration, no marks, just removal of the dead whitish skin in that area. O well... I'll post back shortly. Soon it will be time to try to fix the thumb again.