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Jlhutch82 , 26 Jan 2013


I have been pick-free for about one whole month now. I was using a great soap and emu oil to keep my skin looking great. I was also on a prescription from my derm for my hormonal imbalance. For once, I was not consumed by how my face looked. This was all true until Wednesday evening. Now, with all of the therapy and self-awareness that I have achieved over the past year or two, I was able to determine that the majority of my picking stems from feelings of shame and disgust. I also struggle with bulimia and the purging generally takes place after something traumatic or stressful occurs. Last weekend I did something that caused me to feel a great deal of disgust toward myself. Not to over share, but I have a tendency to have casual sex with people who are not good people to be around. I do it because of my low self-esteem and inability to say now. Sometimes it just feels easier to go with it than to say "no." This is something that I'm working on, but I slipped up last weekend and ended up in a situation that has caused me to feel a great deal of shame and guilt. On Wednesday evening I saw a "spot" on my face. It was not a real spot, mind you, but it was one that was purely in my mind. If I would have left it alone, it would have been fine. I picked at it. I picked until it started bleeding. The spot itself was tiny, but I have such sensitive skin that it showed up clearly. I then started the "scanning" process and managed to pick 4 more invisible spots. I now have a total of 6. I had to call my parents to come and get my 3 year old son for the day/evening. I am a single mother, and often when am home alone with him, I cannot be an effective parent. I am constantly in the bathroom, staring in the mirror. My family knows about this problem, but are frustrated that I can't control it on my own The spots are not deep (surface level) and thanks to the emu oil, they will heal relatively quickly. I just need some words of support right now to get me t hrough the healing process. I have to go somewhere next weekend and dont' want to keep sinking back down into this hole.
1 Answer
January 29, 2013
I think you are less likely to relapse again because you know how crappy it feels. Normally my picking is on my back and arms and a bit on my face, but lately it's been everywhere. I can't wear any shirts below the collar bone or tank tops because I'm so embarassed. I remember one time in high school I had a pimple in the middle of my nose and couldn't stop picking it and I had about a dime size scab on my face that I couldn't cover up. Aaand I was talking to a cute boy at the time but luckily he didn't say anything about it. I think it's awesome that you were pick free for a month though. I haven't been able to do that for years so good job! I have no doubt that you can get back on track. Hope this helps!

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