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I Feel So Ugly!
Hi people of this forum,my name is Dana and I'm a 19 year old african american female with derma-till-o-mania... I've been lurking on this forum for awhile trying to find another young african american female to relate to,because it's really hard for me being BLACK and having a 'quote on quote' -White Girl- problem....yes that is what my DUMB ASS family , friends , associates , etcetera think about my face picking Bull-Shit!!! They just don't get how time consuming this problem is, it's really embarrassing , frustrating , complicated to deal with every FUCKING morning , afternoon ,and night!! I've even gotten to the point whereas I don't even want to go anywhere... except when I have to go somewhere doctor , dermatologist , grocery store etcetera.... I hate looking in the mirror... it's just gotten so hard for me to look at my face without crying like BIG ASS GROWN UP BABY... I've been in the bathroom so long touching , picking , squeezing at my face without even realising the time is just flying by,,, it makes me feel so Ugly!! I've even gotten so depressed to the point I've stayed in my room all DAMN day crying , and thinking to myself....what is the point of my life??? ugh! I just don't get why I've done this to myself,and why can't I STOP this shit... I've been picking my face for 4 years now ... just hating my life...making up dumb excuses to not go anywhere because my self- esteem , confidence , self- worth has been completely damaged because of this dermatillomania Bull-Shit!!
April 12, 2013
I totally get this. No matter what you may think about where you're currently at with all of it, it will change. Once, I moved from the midwest to Alaska for eight months because summer was coming and I couldn't figure how I would be able to cover my skin without torturous embarrassment in the sweltering heat. So, yeah, I basically left the country! Don't expect people not dealing with something similar to understand, they cannot, though they can have compassion. I have been dealing with this for 20 years, and have lived through much of what you've described. I still struggle, but a lot of the "nevers" I thought I couldn't or wouldn't do, I have done. You really do have to practice patience and gentleness with yourself, and seek how any help you can. For me yoga, meditation, the woods, any and all exercise, heart friends that get it in their own way, and holistic medicine have saved my life and encouraged me to want to live. I still have really bad days, but I don't live there like I used to.
Hope you're already feeling better, since you posted.
Julie