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soashamed , 08 Apr 2013

Crying and Need Help Fast

As I sit here typing this, my face nd hands are a mass of thick yellow and red scabs. I'm 45 years old and somewhere over the course of the last year, I developed a picking problem. It started when my doctor put me on ADD meds. Seemed to bring out the OCD side of me. Before last Christmas, I started plucking my eyebrows and ended up permanently disfiguring my eyebrow area. I will start picking my face at night in front of the mirror and the next thing I know, the sun is coming up. It's ruining my life and my kids are disgusted by me. I went to the beach 2 weeks ago for a vacation and got a lot of sun thinking that would be good for my skin. A few days ago I noticed some thick crust on my hairline and started digging at it with tweezers. Fast forward a few days and now my entire forehead and some of my cheek area is a bloody scabbed mess. I pull a scab off and end up pulling at what's oozing underneath the scab. I bought some anti fungal cream and shampoo to help with this. I am attending a concert out of town in 5 days and will be meeting my favorite band. This morning I woke up and sobbed when I looked at my face and hands. I threw away all my tweezers and sharp objects used to pick my face but need to know what I can do to heal my face as quickly as possible. I want to change so badly and never pick again!
2 Answers
April 11, 2013
I would say get off that ADD medication ASAP!! There are posts by other people on this forum who have had similar experiences with it. Any benefit you get from it can't be worth all of this pain. If it is the medication, and it sounds highly likely, you won't be able to stop picking until you get off of it. I took a medication that made me compulsively eat- I've never had a weight problem before but I could not stop doing it until I switched medication, after which I went back to normal fairly quickly. Hang in there!
April 12, 2013

In reply to by GirlonFire

In a chant that I do in my meditation practice, it's states "Revulsion is the foot of meditation". This means that sometimes we have to come to that place where we are so disgusted with ourselves, that we can do nothing but change. This is what I hear you doing, by getting fed up and throwing all the implements away. I hope you don't think it's easy, breaking these patterns is no easier (at times) than breaking up with heroin, truly, for what happens chemically in the brain. I applaud you for sharing, and for throwing all that shit away! That is an inspiring act. One thing I know for sure is that patience is salvation, and foresight is grace. You will not by some miracle be magically healed overnight, but perspective and kindness make a huge difference. I have cried myself to sleep so many nights for 20 years wishing it would all go away, and I would be wake in the morning beautiful again. What I hear you've done is plant seeds that will grow if you let them-water them-by loving yourself. This is difficult work, but totally possible. Every moment is new, no matter how hard we tried to solidify our experience. Best wishes and do not give up! Julie

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