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nessasmaxin , 10 Apr 2013

can't stop this shame

So wow. I am amazed at my own shamefulness. Here i am sitting at my desk picking at my hands that I spent over a hour picking at on saturday. I want to cry. I am too disgusting to even go to church tonight. I'm so embarrased. But why can't i stop. Everywhere i see them. little blackheads, bubbles things i can pop, back, arms, fingers, legs, boobs and privates, stomach. face. even can feel some under my hair that i have messed with. I'm compulsive to every extent of the word and i am so disgusting. Not only on top of this cumpulsive disorder, im annorexic and bulimic, suffer from depression, OCD, generalized anxiety disorder and bipolar. I'm a frigging mess. I read about calamine lotion so im gonna try that, and the whole dont look theory. Gonna try my best. Everyday is a new day. thats what i keep saying right? Tioday was supposed to be day 1 no picking, that lasted oh like 10 min. And my hubby thinks that i am thinking about something to trigger it, but i feel like its just a habit that i can't stop. Any thoughts? I need to get this figured out, im so scared i will jsut tear my skin apart until its gone.
2 Answers
April 10, 2013
I am starting to realise more and more is that we need to become aware of the root cause, this isn't just a superficial problem and its so difficult to fight because its being triggered by something deep inside of us! I dont know about you but my picking is most definitely worse around times of axiety or stress and I find my whole body erupts with anxiety, I start falling back into tons of obsessive behaviors, biting my cheeks, picking my face etc etc....Recently after seeing this board and sharing my problem with others i've been researching ways that i can try to stop - most recently I have tried putting signs on the mirror, which do nothing to stop the urge. I really feel that its a matter of calming down inside and taking a moment to reflect rather than to act on impulse and feed to compulsion to pick. Easy to say but I haven't quite figured out how to do this yet :-s !! I was just watching this video on youtube although it seems a bit farfetched to me that this could have any effect, but I am literally willing to try anything! I like the fact that tapping your skin has the same sort of repetitive motion as other obsessive compulsions and am thinking of trying this when I have the urge to pick and also in the evenings. I have a problem with grinding my teeth which i have managed to resolve by taking 5 minutes to do exercises and relax - I'm hoping it might work in a similar way.
April 10, 2013

In reply to by sm123

actually i was able to stop picking once before for 1 month. Instead of picking when i got the urge i would rub my finger on top of the spot. maybe ill try that again. i feel yucky!

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