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I have been having constant relapsing and I'm assuming this isn't going to be the last. At the moment, my blemishes which are lots of scabs are covered in sudocrem. I can also trick myself that I have clear skin. My t zone area is fine, just my damn U Zone. I had done really well to not really pick for a week, I had an exciting week and previous scabs were coming off. So that the only thing I had worried about was now getting rid of the blotchy pigmentation. But something set me off again, I was irritable that my pigmentation wasn't fading sooner, mirrors under different lighting made me look much more spottier under makeup. Which is why I can't wait to stop wearing makeup because it highlights all the million tiny spots on my face that I didn't even know were there. The only reason I wear makeup still because of the stupid blemishes. Spots would not even bother me even if it was red because I know a few red spots is bearable than some dark blotchy pigmentation. The other day, I spent the whole day giving my face a "clean up". Even though I knew perfectly well that this was bad etc etc, I just couldn't stop. I keep forgetting. Surely small blackheads stuck in my skin is better than wounds. It's really stupid, because when I pick at a little something such as a tiny trapped blackhead, nobody can see it anyway because I will probably cover it in makeup. But because I pick at it, it makes it worse and then looking worse under makeup. I feel I also have some comfort when I have a few scabs on my face and feeling the rough texture of. It gives me reassurance that it is thicken dead skin that will eventually fall off and gives a sense of time for it to work its way. However when the scabs off, I still look at myself in disgust at times, miserable for picking in the first place, then having these marks and minor pitted scars as a reminder. Even though these marks surely are much better than the first stages of a picked wound, red face and scabs. Like I said I forget that picking can bring so much harm despite literally knowing of it so many times.