3 day reward challenge


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May 22, 2013

Good luck we're all behind you :)
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May 22, 2013

Thank you! :) i needed to hear this today, i love knowing we all root for each other on this site and want the best for everyone, if only we could all keep this in mind when we're about to pick, maybe it would help us all stop!!
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May 22, 2013

You know those mornings where you wake up, walk to the mirror, and quickly realize your face is far worse than you thought it was going to be?? :( Oh well, it is only day 1 after all, i went to town on my face and entire body just yesterday, so these scabs and marks shouldnt be a surprise to me.. but they're the gross(est) kind of scabs that happen when the leakage from a wound dries into a hard yellow bump. There's two in particular on my nose that i want to scratch off desperately, but i've managed to stay strong and get out of bed and start my day positively, despite my ruined complexion. Work will be joyous today with caked makeup on that wont nearly cover the three dimensional ugliness :/... oh did i say i was being positive?? yep. it's just not in my nature to be, oops! but i will carry on and stay strong!
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May 24, 2013

So here's my update: I've gone 2 full days without any picking at all!! :) i'm on day 3 and i just have to make it to midnight tonight to complete my 3 day challenge. Then i'm going to buy myself something new and cute, and maybe get a manicure or something fun like that. I definitely had some urges to pick but so far not a strong one. You know the urge i'm talking about.. when you literally have to use the force of 1000 hurricanes just to peel your fingers off your face and it takes everything to not run to the bathroom and start picking in front of the mirror. havent had one of those urges the past few days, those usually start after day 3, so the next 3 days will probably be a bit more challenging, but im ready. bring it on! i'm going to continue this 3 day thing, with rewards every 3 days, cause i really think its going to work. i'm also going to add something new every 3 days, like the next round will also include me watching what i eat/eating healthier/less. of course picking is the main habit i have that i need to stop, because it's literally taken over my life at this point, but theres other things about myself i need to change to be healthier and happier, and im not going to ignore those aspects too! Also when i eat healthier i feel genuinely good about myself, which quells the urges to pick. sugar also makes me want to pick waaaay more, so im definitely going to cut back on that. Wellll i have to get going to work right now, but i'll post more later. cant wait for midnight when my first 3 days are complete!!
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May 24, 2013

oh, i forgot to add something! when i was at work yesterday (i work as a hostess at a restaurant) i was feeling SUPER self conscious about my skin since i was only on day 2, after all. There were skin flakes hanging off my forehead and chin, scabs that were almost fully healed but not quite.. and other scabs and marks everywhere. basically my skin was an ugly mess, even after i had makeup on (cause as we all know makeup doesnt cover scabs well haha) and i was scared to talk to anyone or greet the guests or stand in direct sunlight when i was seating guests out on the patio. In fact when i was driving to work i debated peeling off the dried skin so it would atleast look smooth, but i decided this would go against my no picking policy and stopped myself and decided to suck it up because after all, i had done this to myself. anyway, here i am feeling down on myself because of my skin, and a young couple comes in, probably in their mid 20s (a little older than me) and the gorgeous girl was wearing this super cute sundress. So as i was seating them at their table, i complimented the girl on her dress and said i really liked it. What happened next was completely unexpected: she smiled, grabbed my wrist with both her hands, and exclaimed "You know what? i was just telling him that i absolutely LOVE your hair! you pull off the ombre so well!" and the guy goes "thats true, she kept saying how much she liked it while we were waiting for our table" and i smiled and thanked her. I FELT ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AFTER THIS. relieved, because i guess i wasnt completely hideous, happy because someone made me feel good about myself, and totally less insecure about my skin. I also felt glad i complimented her dress, because i dont know if she would have mentioned my hair had i not said anything first. It just shows that compliments, even the smallest of them, might make someones day. I was feeling really down about myself, and just that one girl telling me she liked my hair caused me to have a more positive attitude the rest of the night.
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May 25, 2013

This has happened to me. It REALLY puts things in perspective. Because I am sooo overly focused on my "skin flaws" I believe that I am just hideous to be looked at. Then I find the courage to face the world, and it's like no one else notices or cares. They see the 'whole' not just the marks. It reminds me that to others, they see the whole picture. Whereas, I am looking through 15x magnification. I am so proud of you and really felt inspired by your posts. 3 Day reward challenge sounds realistic and great place to start. I want you to know that I am here in Miami ROOTING for you!! You can do this! and you Deserve to be happy. I can just feel your personality through your posts and you seem like a fun and likeable person. Good Luck girl! :)
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June 07, 2013

Thank you grace! :) :) I had the hugest smile on my face after i read your reply. nice to know someone is on my side, and i want you to know I'm in cali rooting for you right back!! 3 day challenge failed miserably, but i'm not giving up. I'm on a new day 1 :) how about you? It would be nice to have a teammate!
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June 07, 2013

Unfortunately 3 day challenge did not go as expected.. i guess its been a little over 2 weeks since i started that.. and i havent posted on here since then :( but major fail. The first time i relapsed i dont even remember what circumstances or how many days i had gone not picking, but my willpower obviously collapsed. i think I made it to 4 days or something like that and really beat myself up over it. I was so discouraged i didnt even post on here, even though i wanted to. i'm pretty sure i crawled on my bed and just collapsed for several days, only getting up to go to the bathroom or get food :/ I let myself sink into this super deep depression after i pick, especially when i had a (what i thought was foolproof) plan to quit. But i picked myself back up again, since life continues to go on and i had no choice. The past 2 weeks have been a cycle of quitting for a few days, then relapsing, then going back to picking. ugh. i hate the cycle. Everytime i relapse i want to kill myself (not literally, dont want to raise any flags here just trying to explain how low i feel after a picking sesh), but the next time i pick i somehow FORGET how low i felt after the last time. it's like the reward of picking totally overrides the despair and guilt i feel afterwards. so twisted.. anyhow i managed to remain positive through all of the relapses.. and i'm doing a new version of the 3 day thing now. I cleaned my room and having all the clutter gone is really helping me remain more peaceful and calm and not anxious and frazzled (which promotes picking). So i'm on a new day 1 :)