Online Test

Find out the severity of your symptoms with this free online test

TheDeformedBea… , 31 May 2013

The ravaged, torn-apart face that i have not seen in 5 years.

I have not seen myself in a very long time. Due to the repetitive and relentless war I wage on my face every second of the day, I have not looked in a mirror in years. I have learned to conceal my skin in the dark, with no mirror. I have taught myself to do my eye makeup with a tiny mirror, only so I can see my eyes. I don't know what I look like any more. I miss my smile. I am ashamed of myself. I am embarrassed for my boyfriend. I have now stopped looking others in the eye because I cannot bare to see them scan my horrible war zone of a face. I am terrified to leave my house day or night. Not even darkness can dull the ugly that I am. With every compulsive pick, scratch, scrub, poke, my soul weakens. If only my tears healed my raw, painful skin. I am held captive by my disease. My happiness is held captive by my disease. The person I once was is dead. Why am I enslaved by this? 5 years since I have seen my own smile? Since I have seen the dimples on my cheeks? Since I have seen my own nose? I cannot fathom even the smallest glance at myself. I couldn't handle it. I know I am a spectical. an embarrassment, a disgrace. I am not even human. I am a monster. I waste away day after day. The pain I endure because of this is and has been detrimental to every aspect of my life. I want to look people in the eyes. I want to just go outside to get the mail. I want to be normal. I can safely say I hate myself. I need help. Feeling trapped in my self-inflicted wounds that wont heal, that I wont let heal. I have never in my life told anyone about my affliction. But my depression has gone to far for me to mask with fake smiles any longer. I am scared of one more day of this. Help. Please. Help me see myself again.
1 Answer
MysteriousSunshine
June 01, 2013
Hi there...Your comment really touched me and I had to reach out to you. Please understand that you are a beautiful person. Do not let skin picking hide the amazing you from the world! I urge you to seek the guidance of a physician. Tomorrow is a new day. A day to do something positive for yourself and your future. I too have suffered like you, in tremendous darkness and depression. It wasn't until I found these boards and realized that there are actually "others out there like me" that I began to seek help. After 20 long years of suffering in silence, I finally told my doctor and my husband. They both have been extremely supportive. Additionally, I have found a fairly good skin regime, which has limited my picking. You too, can come out from behind the shadows into the light. Shine, girl, shine. xxx

Start your journey with SkinPick

Take control of your life and find freedom from skin picking through professional therapy and evidence-based behavioral techniques.

Start Now