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Cerrida , 01 Aug 2013

My story; first time sharing

First of all, I never knew there were so many people with this. I'm not sure when mine started. In first grade, my best friend and I would stick safety pins through the calluses on our thumbs until she had to get sent to the nurse because it bled so much. I bit my nails and peeled off sunburns. I'd put glue all over my hand just to peel it off (now that I think of it, that might be good therapy). I guess the first time I really realized I had a problem was in high school. I had bad acne on my face and would spend over an hour poring over it, finding those little spots. I did it whenever I could. Soon I started noticing acne on my back and arms, so they got the same treatment. Then came the day I realized that blackheads could be squeezed out. I was done. I had scratches all over my arms, which I didn't realize was connected to my behavior at first. From there I added my chest and breasts and now I've even started doing it with my labia. I have a husband who somehow thinks I'm beautiful, so that's one incentive, is keeping my skin smooth for him. If he compliments me on how smooth my shoulders are getting, I think, "How long until I pick again?" I have gotten better; I'm not really sure what changed except that I've gotten busier. I still pick at my arms and shoulders but have learned to leave my face alone unless I get a huge pimple. I pull at my leg and arm hairs. Search for ingrown hairs and dig them out with a safety pin. What helps me personally? Let's see: --Video games and smartphone games. I have trouble with cutscenes but am going to put a fidget toy on my desk --Crochet (also makes awesome gifts) --Picking at my nails instead of my skin. I work with preschoolers, so I keep them short anyway. --Most of all, I think just being conscious of when I do it and what triggers it. I picked a lot the day I decided to tell my doctor about it because not only was I anxious, but I gave myself permission. She was going to see it anyway, so why not? If I see a spot, sometimes I remember to take a deep breath and that helps a little. --Nail polish and manicures work the first day. I'm really glad a community like this exists; I haven't talked about it this much to anyone, not even my husband. I love him and share everything else with him, but it's hard for someone who doesn't suffer to really understand how hard it is on a daily basis. I think this will give me the courage to help him see. Thank you all for your support and stories!
3 Answers
August 01, 2013
You sound like you are doing okay on your own. But I would be careful about picking your nails, because that can get just as bad as picking your skin.
August 02, 2013
This may sound a little selfish but, for me, out of your whole story, the part about your husband touched me because if gives me hope that a man, somewhere out there will, hopefully, e excepting and oversee my exterior. I, also, pick my back/chest/ face and ingrown hairs "down there" If you don't mind me asking, how did you find the confidence to date. Im 23 and im finding the older I get, the harder and more scare the dating world has become.
August 05, 2013

In reply to by sajmai

You can do it! I like the idea too. There's actually a guy I've known for a few years who might even like me, even though my worst started right around when I met him. He's always been my friend and never says anything about the scabs. It makes me really happy when he talks and laughs with me no matter how ugly I look, never treats me any different because of it. I find myself wondering if it actually bothers him, but he doesn't let on. Don't worry, someone out there will not care how you look on any particular day, and will love you for you. Try to act normal, and other people will too. If they say something rude, that's their problem. There are truly good people out there somewhere.

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