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pickmyskininto… , 08 Aug 2013

confessions of a relapser...

hello everyone. this is my first time on any forum at all even tho i would lurk on some to read similar stories..i know i am not alone. im grateful for others who are able to reveal the problems they suffer with.. i just want to say as well that you have my support and im hoping vice versa lol. i need all the support i can get.... i am a 20 yr old female who first discovered a pair of tweezers at the age of 7 or 8... i was self conscious of hair on my body.. it first had started off with plucking my leg hairs.. then as the years went on it had reached a whole new level... ingrown hairs on the pubic region... which i still do occasionally but it is now more my face. rarely do i get anything on my chest or back but when i do its like my brain ITCHES to scratch the clogged pore out. it is like my brain NEEDS its picking fix. i would consider myself a perfectionist which definitely backfires because IF IT'S NOT BROKEN, DON'T FIX IT.. which i need to live by. i always end up telling myself that after the damage is done. sigh. once i start it is difficult to stop because i want to feel satisfied that i took out about everything. i have never had a bad complexion until earlier this year.... cystic bumps just sprouted out randomly and i felt extremely dirty.. didnt want to look at myself in the mirror... i actually dont do much in the bathroom like brush my teeth etc unless the light is dimmed so i dont take a gander at my face. currently my 3 main problems are picking at my face, even if it isnt necessary, until its raw, tweezing out ingrown hairs in my nether region until its raw, and chewing the inside of my mouth which stems from my nerves/ anxities. i will even use a needle on my skin creating blood. once i feel like im done i cant stop feeling regretful..... ive stayed in the house separating myself from humanity every single time this occurs until i feel i have healed enough to put on some makeup and run some errands or see friends. luckily the closest ones in my life understand and bear with me. along with my fam but they take it hard. last week i had recovered from previous scabs and was able to get out for the weekend..... but yesterday i saw what had looked like a little puss underneath an already healed wound... in my mind i was not ok with that.. i thought to myself, i dont want anything inside a spot i already picked at. so i went out and bought a blackhead/whitehead extractor tool so that i wouldnt squeeze with my hands... do any of you find that when you pick at cystic bumps, a whole new one is born like in the same general area? i just wanna be able to remove them without more developing... i have tested the hands off method and the bumps DO deflate greatly but theres still nastyness deep within...this is crazy BETTER YET I JUST WOULD LIKE TO STOP FOREVER. i put aside plans and opportunities because of this. everything is on the backburner. i want to improve more than anything, i want to be happy & successful. i want to LET MY BODY DO ITS JOB BY HEALING ITSELF WITHOUT HINDERING THE PROCESS. how do you guys cope?
6 Answers
August 08, 2013
I'm 21 and I've been picking for ten years. There are two kinds of picking I do: the kind people can see and the kind they can't. There's the light popping on my nose with tweezers when I get pimples (and I avoid leaving any kind of scabs on my face when I can). And then there's the heavy 'pick-a-cluster-of-scabs-till-I-bleed-every-other-hour' that I do on my breasts and upper arms that no one can see under my shirt. I've counted the number of scars I have from this second kind of picking, and the number is 37. I also indulge in cutting myself on my thighs, but it's more painful and not quite as satisfying so I end up only doing it once every few months. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it, so I'll admit I have a multitude of scars from that too. It's taken about two years and many wagon falls to do it, but I've now gone about a month and a week without picking any scabs on my breasts and arms, which is crazy considering that I was at a point where I'd do it multiple times an hour without even thinking about it. I pick the pimples on my nose and shoulders much more often, but the important thing is that I have stopped making myself bleed. Period. And the more the scars on my chest that heal, the less of an impulse I feel to scratch or pick. There are four things I started doing that helped me. First, I started eating healthier. I didn't realize how addicted I was to sugar until I stopped eating it; honestly, dealing with my diet was a huge distraction. So there's that. Second, I smoked weed for the first time. It was a serious release, very relaxing, and I felt much more sober than I've ever felt drinking alcohol. I'm sure people will get upset about that, but really it was also a much needed distraction and I didn't think about picking once while I was high. Third, I took a vacation with a friend that didn't know about my picking problem; I was less inclined to do any sort of picking around her than I would have with someone who knew, plus the vacation itself kept me too busy to do anything. The fourth and most effective, is I just started getting out more. Putting on makeup and dressing up even if I don't go anywhere special. I'm not a social person, mostly I just go for a drive whenever I feel an itch, or I'll park my car at the nearby lake and read. The hours you spend away from home out in public are hours that you're not picking. It's important to be distracted. Busy yourself, do new things and find something to enjoy that will temporarily make you forget.
August 08, 2013

In reply to by pluckybellhop

same here yup the hidden & noticeable picking. once my scabs fall off its much easier for me to walk away too. i started smoking weed more than ever almost 2 yrs ago... i havent done much since last summer and i totally get you on that because i didnt find myself having the patience to critique on my face and start to pick, i just wanted to stay calm... which was a major plus. honestly id take marijuana over stoges any day...sure theyre all drugs but look how your lifespan can be decreased on cigarettes. just my opinion. i would LOVE to go on a trip once my skin heals, thats the thing... i dont even attempt to leave the house until the scabs have come off making it easier for me to blend in makeup... sooo annoyingly irritating. currently i have almost 30 marks on my face and like 4 on my pubic area.... embarrassing. these urges become so hard to control... the skin picking on my face has probably lasted a year now, the most ive gone without touching at all has been a couple weeks im guessing. (i should make notes on that and how long it takes for a wound to heal.) AND then another episode happens... ive yet to sign up for college and find a job.. which i think i may have one lined up for me actually... im bummed i look the way i do during this time ughhhhh. thank you for your reply and the advice.... im gunna start to see my old therapist again... also a psychiatrist which usually ends up leading to medication, a temporary fix on paranoia etc. i am not one who is all for medications, id rather take a more natural route but my state is becoming worse i think... i wonder how i got so lucky to be born this way.. makes me sad to think how people who dont feel the need to do anything remotely close like this to themselves r living so freely. i want my complexion back without THEM coming back. i live in a perfect fantasy world. -candace
August 08, 2013
I'm pretty sure everyone here supports you. I totally get everything you said, because I'm just like that. And it does seem like when I pop a zit, I have to dig really far and make sure I got everything, or else they come back and I pop them three or four times. Then sometimes they get nasty and infected...... horrible.
August 08, 2013

In reply to by rubberducke

And its super disgusting right. what irks me is within a pimple theres actually a root u have to get out in order for it not to come back... hence the reason i stay messing with it until it bleeds w a layer of my skin off... ill even go in with tweezers or a sanitized needle to remove the access gunk.. if i turn away without finishing the job my brain becomes overly obsessed with going back in front of the mirror until its satisfied. this is going to take so much self training and discipline. its lasted a while now and i just turned 20, i want/NEED my life to start. -candace
August 09, 2013

In reply to by pickmyskininto…

Yep. But even when I get everything out, they usually come back. And sometimes I get nasty blackheads, and I pick them forever but the thing won't come out, and when it finally does I end up with a huge reddish brown patch right in the middle of my forehead that doesn't go away for weeks and is really painful.

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